Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is good, not great, at soccer. She likes it, has been playing since she was 4 and is pretty good. I think she could be really good but she would need to do some individual coaching, go to weekly footskills and probably do travel team (if she made the team). However I don't see how we could possibly do this since both DH and I work full time and have other kids who also do sports and other activities.

In order for a kid to really excel at sports doesn't it end up really taking a lot of the parents time and commitment?

I am conflicted though since I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school, played travel soccer and AAU basketball, etc. My parents gave up a ton of time to shuttle me around to year round sports.

How old is your child? The answer is if she cares enough that she wants to improve then she has to work at it herself. I was a three sport athlete in high school (Olympic development state team, travel) and was recruited for and played in college (NCAA nationals multiple years). Your child must work on fundamentals on their own. It’s not sustainable for your lifestyle and it’s probably not great for your child if you are committing so hard to soccer if she’s young. Does she run on her own? When I was nine I was running on my own after school for conditioning and doing abs and circuits that I set up on my own. You can throw money at stuff but if your child isn’t passionate you are wasting your money.

OP - she is 7. She definitely does not run on her own hahah. None of my kids do. They play outside with friends, ride their bikes, forced walks with the dog. I barely did any "working out" outside of sports when I was a kid. I did sports 6 days a week. On my off day I did nothing. When I might have a week off of sports, I did nothing. I didn't start running for pleasure until after college.

Anyway I don't want to MAKE her do anything she doesn't want to do athletically. I do MAKE her do her homework and read. She is in the 99th percentile for her class academically and that is one area we do sort of push her at right now.

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is good, not great, at soccer. She likes it, has been playing since she was 4 and is pretty good. I think she could be really good but she would need to do some individual coaching, go to weekly footskills and probably do travel team (if she made the team). However I don't see how we could possibly do this since both DH and I work full time and have other kids who also do sports and other activities.

In order for a kid to really excel at sports doesn't it end up really taking a lot of the parents time and commitment?

I am conflicted though since I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school, played travel soccer and AAU basketball, etc. My parents gave up a ton of time to shuttle me around to year round sports.

How old is your child? The answer is if she cares enough that she wants to improve then she has to work at it herself. I was a three sport athlete in high school (Olympic development state team, travel) and was recruited for and played in college (NCAA nationals multiple years). Your child must work on fundamentals on their own. It’s not sustainable for your lifestyle and it’s probably not great for your child if you are committing so hard to soccer if she’s young. Does she run on her own? When I was nine I was running on my own after school for conditioning and doing abs and circuits that I set up on my own. You can throw money at stuff but if your child isn’t passionate you are wasting your money.

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks for all the sane replies. I think it is this area that the competitiveness of the parents come out. Whether its sports or academics - the amount of PUSH that comes from parents at such a young age is totally disconcerting for me.

My sister and I were both captains of all our varsity teams, top 10 in our classes in high school and college, but our parents weren't really involved in much. They drove us to sports and told us to apply for college. That was about it.

In the DMV its just a constant barrage of parents pushing their kids to do travel sports, Kumon math, tutoring, etc starting at kindergarten. Not sure where it ends.

This is 100% IMO where the overbearing parents who cant let their kids go or fail or anything because theyve hyper-invested in their kids and their kids have never self-driven themselves on any area of their life. Their parents have structured their entire life and the resulting kids dont know how to overcome adversity by themselves, train/practice/learn by themselves, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you were a travel sports kid and are asking what it takes?

Of course, it takes a ton of time.

Maybe your parents should have invested more in your brain.

Op - as I said I did do travel sports but I didn’t after this till I was like 13.

Is it worth pushing a 6 or 7 year old to practice multiple times a week? On top of regular school and other enrichment?

NO. The kids who do this, it's the parents pushing (to keep up with the Joneses), and what happens is the kids are burnt out by 13/14 and quit

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are all your kids?

I'd just sign your kid up for Rec soccer. If she is better than her grade level, and she was born in the fall (Oct-Dec) see if she can play up a year.

If by 3rd grade she's doing awesome still and is very interested, maybe look at other teams to join. But honestly, travel soccer in elementary school is mainly around just to make money off over eager Type A parents.

You played 3 sports yourself, let your daughter explore some. Don't worry about being The Best At Soccer in the 1st grade.

OP - thank you! This is a very reasonable approach. DD wants to try basketball in the winter. But then another parent mentioned that she really should be playing winter soccer to improve her skills. I don't have the bandwidth to have her play 2 sports in one season.

I have a 4 year old, 7 year old and 9 year old. They all play one sport per season, oldest two do tutoring, girl scouts, church classes and both elementary aged kids are in an academically rigorous catholic school. I don't know how much more time I have. DH and I both work full time with no nanny or family support.

I have 3 kids with a similar age split as yours and in order to do outside work on their sport we limit them to one sport per season and one non-sport activity (they all picked music so they don't get to do Girl Scouts, for example). We too go to church and do church related activities. It does add up to a lot with 3, but you basically have to look at where you can squeeze things in.

Remember there's no point in doing extra work with your 7 year old until she's dragging you out the door to do it, or practicing on her own.

OP - thanks for all the sane replies. I think it is this area that the competitiveness of the parents come out. Whether its sports or academics - the amount of PUSH that comes from parents at such a young age is totally disconcerting for me.

My sister and I were both captains of all our varsity teams, top 10 in our classes in high school and college, but our parents weren't really involved in much. They drove us to sports and told us to apply for college. That was about it.

In the DMV its just a constant barrage of parents pushing their kids to do travel sports, Kumon math, tutoring, etc starting at kindergarten. Not sure where it ends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are all your kids?

I'd just sign your kid up for Rec soccer. If she is better than her grade level, and she was born in the fall (Oct-Dec) see if she can play up a year.

If by 3rd grade she's doing awesome still and is very interested, maybe look at other teams to join. But honestly, travel soccer in elementary school is mainly around just to make money off over eager Type A parents.

You played 3 sports yourself, let your daughter explore some. Don't worry about being The Best At Soccer in the 1st grade.

OP - thank you! This is a very reasonable approach. DD wants to try basketball in the winter. But then another parent mentioned that she really should be playing winter soccer to improve her skills. I don't have the bandwidth to have her play 2 sports in one season.

I have a 4 year old, 7 year old and 9 year old. They all play one sport per season, oldest two do tutoring, girl scouts, church classes and both elementary aged kids are in an academically rigorous catholic school. I don't know how much more time I have. DH and I both work full time with no nanny or family support.

For every parent who says "you have to do..." there are at least 10 parents who are not doing those things and there kids are thriving. Is your goal professional soccer for her? Or just to have fun and learn to play? Or somewhere in between? My kids play soccer, they love it. We do Rec only. They are 10 and 7 and have lots of fun. If they aren't life long soccer players, or don't even play on the high school team, that's FINE with me. There are lots of things to do!

But travel teams make everyone think that paying thousands of dollars a year is the ONLY way for your kid to excel. Its' maybe one way. But some kids or families get so tired of it, they stop doing it. Save all of that for middle school, if your kid is super passionate. Then they can work year round to get better and see where they go. Being the best at age 9 is so silly.

Do not start travel sports until your kid is either 1) wildly better than the rec competition or 2) spending free time playing that sport, and asking to play at a higher level.

If your daughter WANTS to get better, she will practice on her own.

If you talk to any great coach or athlete, the main driver is the athlete not the parents and that's what this area has backwards. The PARENTS are mostly pushing their kids because 1) how it reflects on them and their greatness and 2) keeping up with everyone else. We saw the same thing happening at 6 or 7 years old with soccer because any kid who has any athletic ability or talent somehow ends up going to "travel" soccer teams instead of rec/local even though a majority would be just fine with playing rec. The problem is since anyone with any skills or athletic interest leaves rec, there isnt a whole lot of competition. However, most kids I see dont have- as my husband would say- that dog in them. They really dont. A small subset do and they crave competition and display aggression and drive and practice outside of practice times and want more and more and more. I will note that for that small subset there is also usually a parental component that encourages it. Most kids would be fine with rec sports.

Your kid IS SEVEN OP. SEVEN. Let them try as many sports as possible. No kid should be playing 1 sport- in a competitive way- more than 50% of the year before MS. At this age they should be playing sports, riding bikes, climbing trees, running and playing tag, developing teamwork and sportsmanship, and skills skills skills. The best practices are skills development and keeping it fun while also experiencing low-stakes competition. Theres overuse injuries rampant, growth issues, kids in braces in ES/MS age. THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

They need to work on skills independently. That should be the main driver. You dont need specialized coaching at seven. You can look up young athlete coaches on IG to develop cross body awareness and other important athletic abilities.

My kid has been recruited for track while on the soccer field. Tackle while playing flag. Year round wrestling when he started wrestling. He plays what he is interested in and we 100% support his interests. He is limited to 2 seasons of the same sport, for example, can play soccer spring and fall if he wanted but right now hes playing 4 sports per year and this year instead of soccer he tried flag football. He also has expressed interest in dance and we plan to have him start music lessons next year. He will start swim team next summer. No "travel" teams before MS. No specialization before HS. One sport per season and any other activities needs to be non-sports (dance, music, theatre, playing instrument, etc.).

My Dad was a college football coach, low-level, but still I grew up in that type of environment. There are some good coaches and there are some really awful coaches. Anyone spending time with your kid needs to be a positive influence for the growth of your whole child athletically. Most of these coaches are only interested in what your kid can do for them for the season. Point blank. Beyond that, they dont really care. It doesnt change their coaching style or practices being late night and then early the next morning, etc. And it starts at this age. Late practices even when kids need to be up at 630am. Multiple game tournaments on weekends. Less emphasis on skills and developments and more emphasis on winning games.

Just dont allow yourself to be dragged into what everyone else in this area has normalized. Your kid needs to be the main driver. If they arent asking to play at a higher level, if they arent practicing at home indepedently, etc. then its not them. Its you driving it.

Pushing a 7 year old?! WTAF? Sounds like a recipe for burnout by age 10. My kid is in a different sport, in a specialty position, which requires a ton of work. She does play travel and takes private lessons and puts in a ton of work on her own, but DH and I have NEVER pushed. Many if not most of her teammates parents push to a certain degree, but we never do. I do not believe in a KID working this hard at a sport without it being 100% self-directed. 100%. She started putting in extra work at 9, and has increased the intensity as she has gone along, but it is ALL HER. As it should be. You start pushing your kid at 7 and she is very likely to burn out.

I wanted to add that the competitive sports my boys played are not necessarily the ones they play the most as teens. Both my boys played soccer their entire lives, including travel. DH played soccer. Both my boys quit soccer in 7th grade.

I am seeing this more frequently as my kids get older. There are kids who played/play tennis or soccer or whatever sport their parent played and naturally good at it. They play their entire lives and stop loving it. Maybe they never loved it. We are a tennis family so we see this around our circles. The kid may want to switch to lacrosse or football or other sport they like more. After 10 years of tennis and being so good, it is hard for parents to let kids switch but they do.

A lot of coaching also happens at soccer camps and clinics. Two one-week long summer camps per summer (assuming that they are well done) will make a difference. Leagues will also offer clinics on school holidays and evenings on an ad hoc basis.

In Arlington, kids do ADP with 2x a week practices and professional coaches. It's not as much as travel, but more than rec.

The short answer is yes, she needs more than once per week. Not sure what area or school your kids will attend but sports are competitive around here. Even kids who played travel their whole lives can get cut from their high school soccer, tennis, volleyball, basketball and lacrosses teams.

I have 3 kids and am now a SAHM. DH has a demanding job so I was the one always doing all the kid stuff. We also had a nanny but it wasn’t the same. I see many parents driving their kids to sports. A lot seem to still be on the clock working on a laptop or on calls in the car.

I have one kid in elementary, one in middle and one in high school. My two older kids have been playing competitive sports since mid elementary. Before age 8, they just tried a lot of sports and were usually the better/best kids on their rec teams.

My oldest kid plays 3 varsity sports and it is easier now that his sports are at school. I don’t have to drive him to practice all the time like I did when he was younger. I still have to drive my other 2 kids around and I want to go to my oldest one’s games and matches. It is hard to juggle.

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is good, not great, at soccer. She likes it, has been playing since she was 4 and is pretty good. I think she could be really good but she would need to do some individual coaching, go to weekly footskills and probably do travel team (if she made the team). However I don't see how we could possibly do this since both DH and I work full time and have other kids who also do sports and other activities.

In order for a kid to really excel at sports doesn't it end up really taking a lot of the parents time and commitment?

I am conflicted though since I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school, played travel soccer and AAU basketball, etc. My parents gave up a ton of time to shuttle me around to year round sports.

The only way to get a handle on your question is to reason it backwards. If your daughter is going to attend a highly competitive highschool and play a popular sport (like soccer) you are going to have to make a major investment in time. If she is going to a less competitive highschool in a less popular sport (eg cross country) then you simply have to deliver a kid who is in shape and reasonably coordinated. PROTIP: anyone who seriously considers college recruiting before their kid is in high school is certifiably nuts.

A lot of well meaning but uninformed people will tell you that it doesn’t matter. But that is simply not true. What you do and don’t do in elementary school opens and closes doors for her in high school and beyond.

Good luck.

OP, the good thing about this area is that there are clubs/teams/leagues at almost every level of play.

If your daughter likes soccer but as a family you don't want to devote your life to it, you can look either at rec programs (some have their own in-house league even through HS - Arlington and Loudon - and others play in the Suburban Friendship League where they play rec teams from different clubs). Or, you could look at some lower level travel teams that play in NCSL (National Capital Soccer League).

If you want more competitive, then you are looking at ENCL, ENCL-Regional League, or Girls Academy teams and those take a ton of time.