Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:23     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.


Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.


Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.


He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:21     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.


Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.


Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:17     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mean, seems like you're behaving professionally now? Being concise and not using exclamation points is neither petty nor dignified


I was always professional with him and everyone else. My point is that my style of engaging with him has changed. I just don't want to be as courteous as I used to be. And now I'm wondering if that's petty since it's signaling to him that my attitude toward him has changed.


I don’t see anything wrong with your approach. He didn’t like you so you changed. He probably doesn’t care about it.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:16     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.


Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:15     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mean, seems like you're behaving professionally now? Being concise and not using exclamation points is neither petty nor dignified


I was always professional with him and everyone else. My point is that my style of engaging with him has changed. I just don't want to be as courteous as I used to be. And now I'm wondering if that's petty since it's signaling to him that my attitude toward him has changed.


I can see why he thinks you're dramatic


+1. You are being dramatic about not being dramatic.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:12     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
You sound SO dramatic actually. Demanding "that not be said about me again" is literally inviting it to be said more. You do sound dramatic, people are allowed to think you're dramatic, and if anyone is petty it's your report tattling back to you LOL.

I say petty overall, but not using exclamation points in itself isn't petty or dignified.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:11     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:11     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Are you female? And youngish?

There is a type of man who describes any woman as dramatic. If this is the case, don't change yourself for him and others like him.

Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:11     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
He did you a favor because now you will communicate in a more appropriate business manner. Consider it constructive feedback and stop being so defensive.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:08     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:People will talk behind your back. Your direct report should not have passed along his comment to you. It's not that big of a deal. I would forget it now and be yourself.


Thanks for your response. I agree that I should be myself and move on from this. I’m
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:06     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
It sounds like concise and to the point is what he wanted from you in the first place.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 16:01     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
People will talk behind your back. Your direct report should not have passed along his comment to you. It's not that big of a deal. I would forget it now and be yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 15:57     Subject: Re:Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:Your idea of being "courteous" may have been his idea of you being "dramatic."

This is amazing, and not in a good way, [quote]I escalated the issue to his supervisor and I said that I do not want this said again about me
. Sounds like you would have challenged him to a duel in another time period. "You have offended my honor, sir."



This was your mistake. You should have tried to deal with the criticism in a constructive way
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 15:57     Subject: Re:Am I being petty or dignified?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your idea of being "courteous" may have been his idea of you being "dramatic."

This is amazing, and not in a good way,
I escalated the issue to his supervisor and I said that I do not want this said again about me
. Sounds like you would have challenged him to a duel in another time period. "You have offended my honor, sir."


English is not my first language. I said it was unacceptable to be called dramatic in the workplace and for him to say he doesn't want to work with me. That's what I told his supervisor. I don't see what's wrong with that.



I think people are being unfair to you.
Why can someone call a coworker "dramatic" -- no less behind their back? Not to say that dramatic people don't exist. But if it's getting in the way of productivity some direct and actionable feedback would be appropriate. Otherwise it just seems like a critique of someone's personality. He's probably emotionally stunted.


I don’t know why the PP is hung up on him calling me dramatic when my boss and his boss sided with me. Maybe I should have said he called me something else, because that’s not the point. My question is how to behave with someone at work after they slighted you (and to your report no less). Do you go back to exactly the way you were before and the way you treat everyone else or should you be more formal?

I know this sounds ridiculous to a lot of you but I am an immigrant from a very rural background. I’m trying my best to navigate American workplace dynamics.
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2024 15:57     Subject: Am I being petty or dignified?
I am dramatic and passionate. I don't care if someone said that about me. Do I get the work done, do a good job, and people enjoy working for me? Also yes.