Anonymous
04/29/2024 14:39
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
He’s in over his head. He has too much work and he can’t handle it, not so hard to figure out. Talk to his guidance counselor about making some schedule changes or at least make sure he’s in the appropriate classes.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 13:27
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
*opinion, not option
Anonymous
04/29/2024 13:23
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
PP here and yes, this is a big problem. my kid, who is insanely talented and won major awards now says of herself "i suck at x". it's heartbreaking.
I'm so sorry. That must be so hard to watch but can see exactly how this happens. It's a slippery slope of whether or not it's a sign to pivot, or if it could manifest this way and change a kids option of themselves, motivation, etc. I am concerned this is impacting my son the same way it is your daughter. Any advice on how best to manage?
Anonymous
04/29/2024 12:34
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
PP here and yes, this is a big problem. my kid, who is insanely talented and won major awards now says of herself "i suck at x". it's heartbreaking.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 12:23
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.
Beneath may not have been the best choice of words but he has always been in accelerated classes and that's where he sees himself. He is in a new school this year with new peers which has likely not been helpful either. Lots of new opportunities but lots of new stresses also. But yes I do agree that I have to figure out how to help him more.
Maybe before he was a big fish in a small pond, but now he's in a big pond and there are a lot more kids in the mix so he's not the academic stand-out like he was before?
Yes. 100%. It has been a very big change.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 12:20
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.
Beneath may not have been the best choice of words but he has always been in accelerated classes and that's where he sees himself. He is in a new school this year with new peers which has likely not been helpful either. Lots of new opportunities but lots of new stresses also. But yes I do agree that I have to figure out how to help him more.
Maybe before he was a big fish in a small pond, but now he's in a big pond and there are a lot more kids in the mix so he's not the academic stand-out like he was before?
Anonymous
04/29/2024 12:06
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!
This. YOu need a neuropsych evaluation. Sounds like our DD. She was initially diagnosed ADHD, slow processing, anxiety disorder. Later testing indicated Aspergers, now called on the spectrum.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 12:04
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
His schedule, in its entirety, is much too difficult. Accept that. Even if, for each individual class he *could* handle the work ... his schedule taken it's in entirety, his schedule is much too difficult. Adjust by a lot next year. For the rest of this year, help him. Help him strategize. Including what effort will help the most in protecting his gpa.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:57
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
I also agree with the "anxiety driven procrastination" comment and I am working to find a professional to help him with that.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:55
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.
Beneath may not have been the best choice of words but he has always been in accelerated classes and that's where he sees himself. He is in a new school this year with new peers which has likely not been helpful either. Lots of new opportunities but lots of new stresses also. But yes I do agree that I have to figure out how to help him more.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:37
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:35
Subject: Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
You have to be his helper and walk him through how to successfully project and time manage his tasks. Just by yelling and pressurizing it, he is not going to change or learn or know where to start from. You have to be guide, mentor, assistant and co-worker for this. Only then he will learn how to do it.
Some kids can do it themselves and some kids need a lot of help, support and guidance.
Some kids can do it themselves and some kids need a lot of help, support and guidance.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:33
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.
this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.
I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:31
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Baby steps, baby steps. They need to break the tasks up and build in breaks in their schedule. Essential if your kid has any ADHD tendency or teen brain.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:28
Subject: Re:Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork
Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.
+1. Chill out a bit and take a couple steps back, he's clearly overwhelmed. Let him take the "regular kid" classes next year. What is your end goal, a top college? Keeping up with his friends?