Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 12:32     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.


Yes especially shoveling food down one's gullet like a freaking pelican swallowing a catfish. I can't imagine any husband would be very inclined to encourage such an unappetizing spectacle.


Speak for yourself. We enjoy celebrations. I make a big deal out of all my kids’ birthdays. We enjoy food. My friends and I celebrate our birthdays. Sometimes we make an excuse to go on a trip, especially for milestones.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 12:30     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.


Yes especially shoveling food down one's gullet like a freaking pelican swallowing a catfish. I can't imagine any husband would be very inclined to encourage such an unappetizing spectacle.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 12:19     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 12:16     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:DH is not a birthday guy. He has never been good at acknowledging my birthday. He has a lot of good qualities, but this isn’t one of them. He’s not a bad guy, Just doesn’t always pick up on things he’s supposed to do.

This year I had a milestone birthday. As with every year, he didn’t really acknowledge it. This always makes me a little bummed, but I’m not sure what else I can do. The thing is, he asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. I said yes, that would be great. I thought, since he asked, he’d follow through. But nothing.

I would like to plan my own belated birthday dinner out, but not sure if I should. So do I…. 1) Just do nothing, 2) take the kids out and tell him he can stay home and have his own time, or 3) take the kids out and invite him?


Interesting.

My wife's feelings get hurt if, on her birthday, I don't you know what her brains out. Sometimes I don't feel like it if I'm tired or stressed but I always give her what she wants because it's her birthday.

If you just want to pig out and shove food in your face for your birthday celebration, you don't actually need your spouse to participate.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 12:12     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
I plan 99% of everything we do for our family.

I usually say I want X for birthday dinner and I often make a Mother’s Day brunch reservation. DH does get me a card or flowers.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:48     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His disinterest, laziness or ineptitude would be so disappointing OP. I hope you pick something fun for yourself and have a great time. I would get some gfs together to celebrate.


Agree with this. The OP isn’t saying she needs a sweet sixteen type of bash. Her husband can’t even acknowledge her birthday, let alone click reserve on his phone for a dinner reservation? That is pathetic and lazy and shows how little he actually cares about her. Just because he doesn’t care about birthdays doesn’t mean he should get a free pass and do absolutely nothing for his wife’s birthday.



She knows this about him. It's not new behavior. Op should have drawn her line in the sand years ago. Instead she's decided to have her annual pity party.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:36     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:His disinterest, laziness or ineptitude would be so disappointing OP. I hope you pick something fun for yourself and have a great time. I would get some gfs together to celebrate.


Agree with this. The OP isn’t saying she needs a sweet sixteen type of bash. Her husband can’t even acknowledge her birthday, let alone click reserve on his phone for a dinner reservation? That is pathetic and lazy and shows how little he actually cares about her. Just because he doesn’t care about birthdays doesn’t mean he should get a free pass and do absolutely nothing for his wife’s birthday.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:36     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Why didn’t you ask him a couple of weeks and then a couple of days before? DH said he’d make a reservation fo my 50th birthday, and then a few weeks later, I gave him the list of who I wanted to invite, asked if he knew the place where I wanted, etc. it doesn’t have to be a surprise, OP. Ou should e communicated.

As for what to do now, plan your own dinner and invite who you want. Don’t be immature and exclude DH.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:35     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:
My husband is like yours, and I learned early on to plan exactly what I wanted to plan, and buy exactly what I wanted to buy. I TELL him what I want, and tell him the PLAN, and then he helps me. But I know there will be no initiative from him. He's like this for everyone's birthdays, including those of his kids, parents and siblings (and Christmases). For his own birthday, he doesn't want gifts and plans his own birthday dinner. So the man is consistent.



Same here. It used to bother me but I've accepted it in recent years. I realized he doesn't really know what to do/what to get me and he has many other great qualities. I just do what I like, and he's happy to celebrate me in whatever context I've chosen.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:32     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner

My husband is like yours, and I learned early on to plan exactly what I wanted to plan, and buy exactly what I wanted to buy. I TELL him what I want, and tell him the PLAN, and then he helps me. But I know there will be no initiative from him. He's like this for everyone's birthdays, including those of his kids, parents and siblings (and Christmases). For his own birthday, he doesn't want gifts and plans his own birthday dinner. So the man is consistent.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:30     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
3
And grow up.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:24     Subject: Re:DH did not plan bday dinner
I always tell my H exactly what I want.

I want to go to X restaurant and I want you to call Y to babysit.

I want to invites X, Y and Z over and order in from A restaurant.

He does too… it’s always… I want to go to X concert. I don’t know which one he would like so he tells me,
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:24     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
It really irritates me when GROWN ADULTS put so much importance on their own birthday. It's sad really and shows you're about yourself.

After my 20s and maybe early 30s I could have two cents about my birthday. Grow up. You're not turning 18 or 21 or 30.

And if you KNOW YOUR HUSBAND doesn't care about these things why expect different? That is on YOU!!!! Just go out and have a nice dinner so you can get your 30 seconds of "me me me" time in.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:23     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
Anonymous wrote:My DH is similar. He is happy to accommodate any occasion, just clueless on how to do it / and what the expectations are. We resolved this early in our marriage with a "family traditions" book that spells out what we do for each holiday (i.e. Mother's Day should be card, flowers, breakfast when I wake up, not a card at 5 pm after not acknowledging all day 🙄). For milestone birthdays, we plan together, no surprises. I think this just boils down to communication. Ideally verbally, but if your husband forgets every year, put it in writing.


This is such a good idea! OP, I'd be hurt too if I were you, but it sounds like your husband just doesn't have it in him to make plans for you. I agree with other PPs that you can still do something you enjoy. Happy Birthday!
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2024 09:20     Subject: DH did not plan bday dinner
His disinterest, laziness or ineptitude would be so disappointing OP. I hope you pick something fun for yourself and have a great time. I would get some gfs together to celebrate.