Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want any decision or mistake I made as a teen to influence their decisions as a teen. I would avoid that conversation and instead focus on imparting the values I want to impart.

I am going to guess your own parents were clueless about your teen decisions/mistakes and you are setting your kids up for the same terrible communication.

Teens do not care about their parents values.

Anonymous wrote:The none of your business parents are going to get the same type of convos with their own kids. They won’t feel comfortable enough to come to you because you don’t trust each other.

This!

I remember asking my mom these questions, and while my kids haven't asked me directly, my response would be vague. "Oh gosh it's been so long ago, I don't remember exactly." Or, "I remember my first "real" boyfriend at 16, and I wish I had waited longer before being intimate and here's why..."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's none of my child's business. And I say this as someone who is REALLY close to my daughter. But I'm not her best friend. I think she doesn't really want to know anyway. You can't unlearn that info and there's no right answer.

This. Some things I answer, like she asked if I ever had a miscarriage because they are studying sexual health and reproduction. That I answered. Once she asked something about age of sexual activity and I said that was none of her business.

The "none of her business" approach seems cold and not smart to me. If your DD is asking, they are clearly trying to gauge what we as the mother thinks is okay (what we thought was okay for ourselves) and for her. If you refuse to tell her what age you lost your virginity for example, I would assume she will think you lost it very young (her current age or younger).

Nope. None of this follows. If they want to know what they age their mother thinks is ok, they can ask that. Learning about parents' sexual activity opens a whole new world for children - a world where their parents are adults with their complex lives that often involve children. And, at this age, they don't actually need that. They need their parents as parents; a kind of one-sided creatures that care primarily about their children, not sex and certainly not males their children have no relation to. It is important to preserve that illusion and for parents to continue to exist as special people and a safe harbor rather than individuals with their own lives and urges.

Anonymous wrote:It's none of my child's business. And I say this as someone who is REALLY close to my daughter. But I'm not her best friend. I think she doesn't really want to know anyway. You can't unlearn that info and there's no right answer.

Exactly. They think they want to know but they really don't.

Anonymous wrote:Nope

Only a couple things when they fell in love in college and had that breakup two years later.

Be their parent. Not their bestie in high school. Which you won’t ever be anyhow so don’t shoot your wad.

+1

The none of your business parents are going to get the same type of convos with their own kids. They won’t feel comfortable enough to come to you because you don’t trust each other.

Anonymous wrote:Well yes, because he's my husband and her father. We met in college.

You needn't lie, but you can absolutely omit certain truths.

Same here (except we met in high school). You can give general/some answers without giving every detail or lying.

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely be honest.

“None of your business.”

That’s very honest.

+1

I would never want to know this stuff about my parents. Ick.

I wouldn't want any decision or mistake I made as a teen to influence their decisions as a teen. I would avoid that conversation and instead focus on imparting the values I want to impart.

I would absolutely be honest.

“None of your business.”

That’s very honest.

I would never.

I just give ridiculous answers, like I had my first kiss at 32. After I was born, my tween asked incredulously? Then we just laughed and moved on. For now.

Of course you should be honest with your teens. This is stupid question.

Nope

Only a couple things when they fell in love in college and had that breakup two years later.

Be their parent. Not their bestie in high school. Which you won’t ever be anyhow so don’t shoot your wad.