Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a recent divorce OP? It sounds raw. Everyone reading this can see you made the right choice. I would say the only choice, given his abuse.

I hope you can have some fun times soon with good friends who can remind you of your worth.

OP here. We first separated 3 years ago, so it is not new. But I still ask myself this question from time to time because new consequences of divorce pop up all the time. For instance, I’m grappling with the fact that I’ll only have one child, but would’ve wanted more if I had a healthy marriage. Many of my friendships suffered as a result of divorce. My married friends disappeared or became distant. My child and I hardly get invited to family events by friends anymore. I’ve been kicked out of the married club.

I am working to rebuild a new life though. And I remain myself to be thankful that I no longer live in constant anxiety.

I feel this. I also was in an abusive relationship, left, and still struggle with the fallout created by loss of friends and community. One insidious part of abuse where kids is involved is that as the abused person, you are supposed to hide it from the kids. That often means hiding it from the people that might know your ex, like people who were friends with both of you, or parents of your kids' friends. It is extraordinarily isolating. At times I want to blurt out to people "you remain fine with someone who abused me. Why?" I don't do that because "what about the kids." It's hard to be around anyone who doesn't know the truth.

OP here. I hide the truth from others as well. I allow them to judge me and say things like “you lost a good man, he loved you so much.” I just could not bare to Shaffer their perceptions and his reputation. For the first time ever I recently admitted to my sister the real reason I divorced. It felt so good to tell the truth. It felt so good to say I matter. I am working on how to navigate this with my kid. I cannot fully hide everything from my kid because my kid witnessed the abuse. But I uphold my ex as great father when in reality he is not. I am slowly working on being more authentic.

I realized I had a lot of internalized views as someone who was abused. I am just recently allowing myself to feel angry. And to admit to myself that I was not married to a nice man. and to give my self permission to look out for me.

I wish you luck.

I divorced over a hell of a lot less than this. You definitely did the right thing. Think of how much worse off your child would be if you were dead.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you went through that. I’m very against divorce but only
You know if it was a dangerous situation or not.

oh shut up. She was hit and choked. When is that NOT a dangerous situation?

I’m sorry you went through that. I’m very against divorce but only
You know if it was a dangerous situation or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a recent divorce OP? It sounds raw. Everyone reading this can see you made the right choice. I would say the only choice, given his abuse.

I hope you can have some fun times soon with good friends who can remind you of your worth.

OP here. We first separated 3 years ago, so it is not new. But I still ask myself this question from time to time because new consequences of divorce pop up all the time. For instance, I’m grappling with the fact that I’ll only have one child, but would’ve wanted more if I had a healthy marriage. Many of my friendships suffered as a result of divorce. My married friends disappeared or became distant. My child and I hardly get invited to family events by friends anymore. I’ve been kicked out of the married club.

I am working to rebuild a new life though. And I remain myself to be thankful that I no longer live in constant anxiety.

I feel this. I also was in an abusive relationship, left, and still struggle with the fallout created by loss of friends and community. One insidious part of abuse where kids is involved is that as the abused person, you are supposed to hide it from the kids. That often means hiding it from the people that might know your ex, like people who were friends with both of you, or parents of your kids' friends. It is extraordinarily isolating. At times I want to blurt out to people "you remain fine with someone who abused me. Why?" I don't do that because "what about the kids." It's hard to be around anyone who doesn't know the truth.

Anonymous wrote:This post should serve as a cautionary tale for all the holier than thou married people who judge and treat single mothers poorly. So many say their contempt is because of what divorce does to kids. But in this story there is a kid being ostracized simply because their mom wanted to stay alive. It’s in situations like these that children especially need positively married role models in their lives, because their parent cannot provide that.

+1 many single mothers are single for a good reason. And don’t say “you ignored red flags.” Many of these men don’t unmask until after marriage.

Oh OP. No financial hit in the world would be worse than, twenty years from now, finding out your daughter was being hit by her partner or that your son was hitting his partner. There is no financial hardship I wouldn’t shoulder to prevent that outcome and you made the right call. The cycle of abuse is real.

This post should serve as a cautionary tale for all the holier than thou married people who judge and treat single mothers poorly. So many say their contempt is because of what divorce does to kids. But in this story there is a kid being ostracized simply because their mom wanted to stay alive. It’s in situations like these that children especially need positively married role models in their lives, because their parent cannot provide that.

There is zero doubt in not only MY mind, but everyone else’s on this forum that you 💯% did the correct thing by you as well as your child by leaving your husband.

Staying in a marriage where you are walking on eggshells always (!) because your husband physically lashes out is a second form of hell.

Yes times are tough financially.
Socially as well.
But if that is what you + your child have to endure to have a quality of life then so be it.

Now you will have the respect from your child - something your ex tried to eradicate.
Staying for a few more yrs could have emotionally damaged your child & you may not have made it alive and in one piece.

Be grateful you survived.
Read the stories online.
Many women didn’t.

Anonymous wrote:I think choking is one of the top indicators that a partner will eventually murder you.

Lots of people here got divorced for frivolous reasons OP but you are not one of them.

+100000.