When I talk, i related the story to my teenage years or some other time in my life. Just as a reference. One kid asked me to skipped class. I did and it wasn't exciting. Waste of time. Then, out of the blue, my son just said, I would not skip school because I might miss something important in class and won't be able to keep up. Then, I said, what if it's your very good friend you want to hang out with. He says, still, it would be harder for me to make up assignments and have to struggle in class. I would have to embarrassingly ask for help for a dumb reason. If I'm sick and miss class, that's different.
So from that, I get to know how my kid thinks (at least currently).

Listen more than you talk.

My boys aren't rude to us, they just don't have much to share. The things girls find 'share worthy' are not on their radars.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's just me, but leave me alone and go away would not bother me. Those of you getting bothered by that, do you actually have teens?

Yes, I have two teenagers. I was also a teenager with three siblings and none of us eve talked to our parents like that. My kids don’t talk to me like that. I just asked my husband and he would’ve never dreamed of talking to his parents like that either.

I don’t think it’s abnormal to have respectful teenagers, though the stereotype is to have disrespectful teenagers. I would never tolerate disrespect from my teenagers. I know different people have different tolerances.

I think in middle school my ds was just generally annoyed with me. Totally normal. DH and DS did a lot more talking and bonding. Now at 17, ds talks quite a bit with both of us.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's just me, but leave me alone and go away would not bother me. Those of you getting bothered by that, do you actually have teens?

I have teens and it bothers me. It's age appropriate for teens to need time alone and with peers instead of their parents. It's also age appropriate for teens to learn phrases like, "Can you give me some space?" or "I don't feel like talking right now." Don't sell your kids short.

My DS14 talks when he wants to talk, which is not always when I want to talk.

Bedtime and car rides are big ones.

Very important to find things they want to do and do them one-on-one and then don't force things and ask a bunch of questions about their life. Let the conversation happen more organically and they will end up talking to you. Could be a trip to get that milkshake they saw on tik tok that's a 30 minute drive, a baseball game, a concert, a play. Whatever floats your kid's boat.

My DS is more open to talking at night before bed, or sometimes in the car on the way to school.

Anonymous wrote:My 13yo 7th grader has shut me out. I get a lot of “leave me alone” and “ go away”. He seems to be doing ok academically, has As and Bs with no effort. He plays sports and hangs out with friends 2-3 times per week. I have friends whose daughters tell them everything and stay up chatting and others who have sons who definitely talk to them more than our son.

DS is busy on his phone; TikTok, SnapChat, Discord, etc.

too busy to talk.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal but don’t stop talking. He roll come back.

Agree with this advice. Keep trying but don’t be pushy. I have 3 kids 16-22. My oldest is a girl and she shut me out in middle school. She hid in her room and wasn’t very pleasant. I just kept trying. I would greet her warmly whenever I saw her, invite her to do things even though the answer was always no and just kept saying I love you. Around 8th grade she started to slowly come back to me. By senior year we had good communication. We are very close now. My middle boy was chatty his entire life and very affectionate. I kept waiting for that to change but it didn’t. My youngest son has grown more distant in HS. He goes straight to his room after school and doesn’t come out much. I give him his space. Sometimes he snaps at me but mostly he is a good kid. I just keep trying.

DS13 and DS15 both talk to me a lot, but on their timetable and not mine so I try to follow their cues. Mine like to talk on car rides (but not to/from school), while actively doing something (I still go out in the driveway with them and shoot hoops, play Horse or whatever) and late at night. Why late at night- I don’t know, but that is when mine get super chatty.

Is is at all possible you are missing cues OP? He should not talk to you that way but I find it you press it makes things worse.

My son has autism. He's always polite, but has very little need to socialize. When he wants to talk, it's either to share something he finds incredibly interesting about his own hobbies (strategy video game or latest drama in his DnD group), or to ask me for help with something practical. RARELY, he remembers to ask about our day, what's happening in our lives, etc. When he does, it's always apposite: he'll ask about someone's illness update, or remember a birthday, etc. But it's way too rare for a normal person's social comfort level, so if he wants more friends, or heck, if he wants to network professionally, he'll have to "level up his game", as he would say. I hope he will be able to do that one day.

My non-autistic kid spills the tea any chance she gets, but then she's a girl. Maybe it's different?

14 and 16 year old boys—talk a lot, all the time, about everything. It’s always been this way with both of them.

He only talks to me in the car for some reason. But luckily, he does travel sport so we have a lot of time to talk.

We also sing songs together in the car.

In the house, practically never.

I have a 14 year old son (and a 16 year old daughter) and “leave me alone” or “go away” wouldn’t fly in my house. But yes, sometimes neither kid wants to talk much and then sometimes they can’t stop talking.

Mine are both like this (18 year old boy and 16 year old girl)

One thing that helped was when they were 15, getting the required learners permit for drivers Ed. Something about just a parent and child by themselves looking forward to the road was helpful alone time.

Also, my daughter likes Starbucks and Boba tea, so after school on Friday or sometimes on the weekends mid afternoon, we go for a Starbucks or Boba tea run. Sometimes she opens up to me when we’re just alone. It’s never when I ask her questions though, and especially not right after school


Find something you and your child can do alone, that’s a treat for them, and they may open up to you during that outing.