PP here - forgot to mention we did have her tested for celiac when she was younger (negative) and she had an endoscopy to rule out other obvious issues but nothing was ever found.

My 9 year old daughter is very, very lucky as well and we have been battling this since she was very young. I even took her to feeding therapy for a year and it did not move the needle. She is rarely hungry and eats very little. She is small and skinny but comes by that honestly as the entire family is small. It’s a struggle honestly. It’s not a social deterrent though because she doesn’t care if she doesn’t eat or not much. I do supplement with a multivitamin and extra vitamin D and calcium. She has never been failure to thrive so I guess she eats just enough. She doesn’t really care for food and won’t try new things. Her pediatrician did recommend giving her a bowl of healthy (not junky) full fat ice cream every night, which we do. I don’t battle with her about food because I think that would do more damage. I just present her with the options I know she will likely eat and I don’t comment on how much she does or doesn’t.

I will say that she doesn’t seem to lack energy, barely ever gets any kind of sickness, and plays several sports successfully so it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a boy who hated to eat because his Mom was a really bad cook. She did not know how to season food and everything tasted bland. In some households it is actually a joy to eat. Does she like to eat at any particular restaurants? If so, it could be because they actually know how to cook.

What a bunch of bs.

Op for what it’s worth my mom is terrible cook (I love her very much but it’s just the truth). But I am not really picky and I like to eat so I ate the meals I was given.

My mother broiled everything plain. Or plain chickens baked. I ate at my friends in 6th grade and they had fried chicken and I couldn’t believe it could be made at home.

So none of us are foodies. I only like plain food. No condiments, no sauces, no gravy, hated cheese so I would only eat pizza crust, no eggs.

The only thing I would be concerned with is protein. How is she getting enough? Have you tried Ensure or other supplemental drinks?

I am very picky and not a fan of sauces.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the thoughtful responses and tips. I like the idea of setting a minimum threshold of food for the day and not worrying as much so long as she meets it — especially for whole grains, which is a challenge.

To the PP who uses fortified foods, we recently started using Kodiak pancake mix and bought some Pediasure, but would love any other specific recommendations on that front.

Feed her what she likes. Make extra so you can just reheat it. Don’t get into a power struggle or it will get worse. My kid was worse than and changed as a preteen. It’s easy to air fry tofu in batches. Undercook it and it reheats well and quickly.

OP here. I'm basically there and really want to avoid power struggles so we have ended up doing a lot of super processed proteins (veggie hot dogs, fake chicken nuggets, field roast sausages) in addition to tofu. The hardest part is carbs -- crackers, mini-toast, bagels, pretzels, etc will all come back home if I send for lunch. She'll eat sugary carbs, which I tend to avoid having around. She's fairly active -- plays a low key rec sport (1 hour practice, 1 hour game), swims 1 hour/week and will soon start swimming 45 mins/4-5 days a week, plus the normal running around with friends -- and so thin that I worry about getting enough calories and maybe sugar is the way to go.

Again, if it was just pickiness, I guess I'd be exhausted and annoyed but less worried. But her comments about just generally not liking food, hating eating, never being hungry make me concerned.

No extra sugar. She’ll be fine as long as she eats something. The veggie food is all good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a boy who hated to eat because his Mom was a really bad cook. She did not know how to season food and everything tasted bland. In some households it is actually a joy to eat. Does she like to eat at any particular restaurants? If so, it could be because they actually know how to cook.

What a bunch of bs.

Op for what it’s worth my mom is terrible cook (I love her very much but it’s just the truth). But I am not really picky and I like to eat so I ate the meals I was given.

My mother broiled everything plain. Or plain chickens baked. I ate at my friends in 6th grade and they had fried chicken and I couldn’t believe it could be made at home.

So none of us are foodies. I only like plain food. No condiments, no sauces, no gravy, hated cheese so I would only eat pizza crust, no eggs.

The only thing I would be concerned with is protein. How is she getting enough? Have you tried Ensure or other supplemental drinks?

My kid (6) was extremely picky and is slowly becoming less so. Our ped recommended the ellyn satter approach that I’ve seen others mention here. Don’t make mealtimes stressful. Offer some known and loved foods at every meal even if they’re not typically designed for that meal.

My kid would totally revolt if I tried to make him touch veggies to help prepare dinner so that’s not for all kids necessarily.

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I wish it was bad cooking!!!! Like the PP’s anecdote about waffles, my DD is becoming increasingly unreliable about even her few staples like pizza — unless it’s at a restaurant we have gone to before (and sometimes even then), god knows whether she’ll agree to eat a particular cheese pizza. We can basically only eat at home if we want her to eat something resembling a meal.

I had no idea pickiness could be genetic. I’ve felt very deeply that I’ve done something wrong with how we handled food for DD when she was a younger to let it come to this. My DS is a much more typical and flexible eater, though I worry he will start taking cues from his sister and begin to refuse food.

Don’t blame yourself - if DS eats well, then you didn’t do this. My picky eaters are also my ADHDers, but just focus on calories - any calories! - and whatever balance you can. But seriosuly balance comes second.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the thoughtful responses and tips. I like the idea of setting a minimum threshold of food for the day and not worrying as much so long as she meets it — especially for whole grains, which is a challenge.

To the PP who uses fortified foods, we recently started using Kodiak pancake mix and bought some Pediasure, but would love any other specific recommendations on that front.

Feed her what she likes. Make extra so you can just reheat it. Don’t get into a power struggle or it will get worse. My kid was worse than and changed as a preteen. It’s easy to air fry tofu in batches. Undercook it and it reheats well and quickly.

OP here. I'm basically there and really want to avoid power struggles so we have ended up doing a lot of super processed proteins (veggie hot dogs, fake chicken nuggets, field roast sausages) in addition to tofu. The hardest part is carbs -- crackers, mini-toast, bagels, pretzels, etc will all come back home if I send for lunch. She'll eat sugary carbs, which I tend to avoid having around. She's fairly active -- plays a low key rec sport (1 hour practice, 1 hour game), swims 1 hour/week and will soon start swimming 45 mins/4-5 days a week, plus the normal running around with friends -- and so thin that I worry about getting enough calories and maybe sugar is the way to go.

Again, if it was just pickiness, I guess I'd be exhausted and annoyed but less worried. But her comments about just generally not liking food, hating eating, never being hungry make me concerned.

Anonymous wrote:I knew a boy who hated to eat because his Mom was a really bad cook. She did not know how to season food and everything tasted bland. In some households it is actually a joy to eat. Does she like to eat at any particular restaurants? If so, it could be because they actually know how to cook.

What a bunch of bs.

Op for what it’s worth my mom is terrible cook (I love her very much but it’s just the truth). But I am not really picky and I like to eat so I ate the meals I was given.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the thoughtful responses and tips. I like the idea of setting a minimum threshold of food for the day and not worrying as much so long as she meets it — especially for whole grains, which is a challenge.

To the PP who uses fortified foods, we recently started using Kodiak pancake mix and bought some Pediasure, but would love any other specific recommendations on that front.

Feed her what she likes. Make extra so you can just reheat it. Don’t get into a power struggle or it will get worse. My kid was worse than and changed as a preteen. It’s easy to air fry tofu in batches. Undercook it and it reheats well and quickly.

OP here and I wish it was bad cooking!!!! Like the PP’s anecdote about waffles, my DD is becoming increasingly unreliable about even her few staples like pizza — unless it’s at a restaurant we have gone to before (and sometimes even then), god knows whether she’ll agree to eat a particular cheese pizza. We can basically only eat at home if we want her to eat something resembling a meal.

I had no idea pickiness could be genetic. I’ve felt very deeply that I’ve done something wrong with how we handled food for DD when she was a younger to let it come to this. My DS is a much more typical and flexible eater, though I worry he will start taking cues from his sister and begin to refuse food.

Anonymous wrote:I knew a boy who hated to eat because his Mom was a really bad cook. She did not know how to season food and everything tasted bland. In some households it is actually a joy to eat. Does she like to eat at any particular restaurants? If so, it could be because they actually know how to cook.

This sounds like a fairytale because it is ("Once upon a time in a far away land, there was a bit who hated to eat. You see, is cruel mother was a horrible cook, who didn't know how to season food. Day after day this boy struggled to get down just a few bites of food so that he wouldn't die of hunger. Then one day, the boy was saved when for the first time the family attended a ball in the Kingdom of Restaurant."

Truly picky eaters are born, not made. A picky eater is not a kid who rejects his parent's cooking but wolfs down food at friend's houses and restaurants. That's a normal kid who either doesn't like what his parents make or maybe they don't make very palatable food. But not picky.

A picky eater is more likely to ONLY eat what his parents make, or at least a few such items. Picky eaters can't find anything on a restaurant menu they want, and often have food fears that make even familiar foods scary when served in a restaurant (we thought taking our picky eater to a restaurant with all day breakfast was a slam dunk, since pancakes and waffles are reliable goods for her at home-- nope, she couldn't bring herself to eat the waffle with strawberries and whipped cream and syrup because it didn't look or taste exactly like what we made at home). Picky eaters do not suddenly start eating when they go to a friend's house, though they are often good at politely appearing to eat while hiding food in a napkin, moving it around their plate, and filling up in bread. Because unlike picky toddler who is just testing out the word no, a truly picky eater is an older child who isn't refusing food just to annoy you. They have a mental block that makes them more suspicious and reluctant to try new foods.

There is evidence that picky eating is genetic, and that could mean it was a genetic adaptation that some humans developed to stay safe in environments with a lot of unsafe foods.

So "maybe you're a bad cook" is probably baby not the solution here.

I knew a boy who hated to eat because his Mom was a really bad cook. She did not know how to season food and everything tasted bland. In some households it is actually a joy to eat. Does she like to eat at any particular restaurants? If so, it could be because they actually know how to cook.

My DD was picky and ended up having celiac. I’d try to see if food sensitivities could be involved.

Will she take vitamins? My very picky eater will eat two
"Chewable flintstones vitamins with iron"