Anonymous wrote:My similar kid is in a mainstream public MS and it’s going great socially and in terms of building independence. I don’t think you can blame everything that happened in the past on the school. You should let him try mainstreaming at the public.

Anonymous wrote:My similar kid is in a mainstream public MS and it’s going great socially and in terms of building independence. I don’t think you can blame everything that happened in the past on the school. You should let him try mainstreaming at the public.

Anonymous wrote:My AuDHDer with low-level anxiety is in 6th grade and doing very well in a very small SN school. They would be happy to keep him there but also feel he is ready to grow more through a more mainstream environment and harder academics. We agree, although it has also been nice feeling relaxed and secure there for a few years.

We moved him out of public school in late elementary because it was not going well. He was doing fine academically but couldn't deal with the ambiguity of rules and lack of structure. He became friends with kids who were constantly goofing around and being disruptive, and he got involved in a few groups that were being aggressive towards each other. We were very concerned about his behavior at school and at home, as he was becoming angry all the time, being explosive when frustrated (despite never having been before), and sneaking around to get whatever he wanted (candy, screen time).

Therapy and the new school and time have really, really helped. We know we can't continue to coddle him (and he is getting bored at his current school), but we are scared of the alternatives because we don't want a situation like before!

We have two options - a mainstream private that is smallish but quite a bit larger than his current school (going from about 10 kids in 6th grade to about 50 at the private school), vs a medium-sized public (about 230 kids in 6th). The public would be in our neighborhood and walkable and has sports and clubs. It's supposed to be a "good school," but our elementary was also (however, we have since moved, so this is a totally different school district). The private is pretty rigorous academically and has sports and clubs but is not close by. He thrives on peer relationships and independence and would LOVE to be back in public school, but he also doesn't realize how bad things were and why we had to move him out. He recently said, "Remember how I went like a month without showering in 4th grade?" Now he showers every day, but it was a huge battle back then. He doesn't remember and can't explain why. He was clearly seeking to control things to feel more secure back then.

Is there a hope for a situation where a public school might work for a kid like this? Has anyone had a kid who has been successful in that setting? The value of the private is that it's smaller and we would probably have better teacher communication and more supervision over who he hangs out with, since we would have to drive him to any meetups. But since it's farther away, I envision us being less involved as parents in volunteering and PTA, etc.

I should also note that he does not really present obviously as having autism. On the one hand, this can make it easier to "blend in" with peers, but it creates its own problems when he doesn't fully grasp social situations, and teachers often "read" him as simply misbehaving when he may actually not understand or be too overwhelmed to comply in the moment.