Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is 22:32 again. Next time, do call the police. The craziest person will be removed from the house, and that is usually the man. Take the next day off work to get the 72 hour emergency temporary protective order. I’ll keep checking back here. This is your chance to get out. Take it and don’t look back. You can do this.

Anonymous wrote: Well, op, not nice to just avoid conversations, at some point the two of you do have to talk. If he’s threatening violence, and it’s not clear if it’s a real credible threat or not, or it only becomes real and credible when he says something you don’t want to hear.
You felt safe enough to both post online and threaten to get the police involved.. sounds like you may be weaponizing language and resources.
It also sounds like the kids are fine, text husband with where you are if you leave and say you’ll come back and when, or whatever else you will do, meet with a lawyer, see him for breakfast, whatever. That way he knows where you are and how to get in touch with you.
As my husband and I have discovered, our kids need us and they need both of us. Not fair or good parenting to get mad, run off, and make the other parent handle everything as one of you had better be with the kids. Not nice to always be the one to call first on getting out of the house or have your parked such that you can get out but he may have to move your car if he wants to get out. There are lots of ways to set things up so the words are right and the behavior sounds acceptable and appropriate and it isn’t. Give that some thought.
As for the arguments, I loose it on my husband when I don’t feel heard. I wanted a couch for a room in our house because we need more seating in that room. We didn’t before, now we do. My husband wouldn’t budge. I’ve wanted other things too, and I felt those were being minimized too. They weren’t, the couch may have been but the drums weren’t, I simply felt that they were. I was also tired of my teen being a little s*** and my husband’s only response was to tell me “to be the adult”. I know who I am and my role, I needed my husband to tell my kid to stop saying “mother” like she wanted to say another word after it, and his only response was “be the adult”. Drove me batty.
All that came to a head and we got into it.
You guys need to actually talk and you do need to participate. You need to ignore the verbal abuse, again if it was that bad you wouldn’t be posting while also threatening to call the nonemergency number. Neither of you play nice and you both need to address it or at least be aware of it.
And for those who are wondering, we don’t run our house where one of us just orders something. That was something we discussed once we calmed down, if you don’t think we need a couch, then it shouldn’t matter to you if I buy one. If you want input, then you must care about the couch and price is a form of wanting input, so I need you to just acknowledge that yes, we may just indeed need a couch in a place and in a room where we didn’t before.
Whatever you guys are doing is unsustainable. At one point you loved each other and couldn’t wait to talk to each other. Figure out how to get that back. Go on dates, hold hands, hug, do some form of prayer together or not, but do something to connect you guys with something bigger then you two.
And, I’m waiting on the drum. I want it, it will have to wait and I’m fine with that. We need a couch for the family to sit on, I’m the only one who cares about the drum. So, I can compromise.
We could have easily done something different, split up, me change what I wanted, separate finances, lots of solutions to a problem. You guys can do the same.
Figure out what makes each of you loose it and things will settle down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

We have kids. Do I leave them in the house? Do I take them with me?

You need professional help to determine if there is an actual danger here and a safety plan. You are saying your DH is threatening you and depriving you of sleep. Online strangers are not qualified to tell you what to do.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need couples counseling, you need an individual therapist and a family law attorney who can help you navigate separation.

Anonymous wrote: Well, op, not nice to just avoid conversations, at some point the two of you do have to talk. If he’s threatening violence, and it’s not clear if it’s a real credible threat or not, or it only becomes real and credible when he says something you don’t want to hear.
You felt safe enough to both post online and threaten to get the police involved.. sounds like you may be weaponizing language and resources.
It also sounds like the kids are fine, text husband with where you are if you leave and say you’ll come back and when, or whatever else you will do, meet with a lawyer, see him for breakfast, whatever. That way he knows where you are and how to get in touch with you.
As my husband and I have discovered, our kids need us and they need both of us. Not fair or good parenting to get mad, run off, and make the other parent handle everything as one of you had better be with the kids. Not nice to always be the one to call first on getting out of the house or have your parked such that you can get out but he may have to move your car if he wants to get out. There are lots of ways to set things up so the words are right and the behavior sounds acceptable and appropriate and it isn’t. Give that some thought.
As for the arguments, I loose it on my husband when I don’t feel heard. I wanted a couch for a room in our house because we need more seating in that room. We didn’t before, now we do. My husband wouldn’t budge. I’ve wanted other things too, and I felt those were being minimized too. They weren’t, the couch may have been but the drums weren’t, I simply felt that they were. I was also tired of my teen being a little s*** and my husband’s only response was to tell me “to be the adult”. I know who I am and my role, I needed my husband to tell my kid to stop saying “mother” like she wanted to say another word after it, and his only response was “be the adult”. Drove me batty.
All that came to a head and we got into it.
You guys need to actually talk and you do need to participate. You need to ignore the verbal abuse, again if it was that bad you wouldn’t be posting while also threatening to call the nonemergency number. Neither of you play nice and you both need to address it or at least be aware of it.
And for those who are wondering, we don’t run our house where one of us just orders something. That was something we discussed once we calmed down, if you don’t think we need a couch, then it shouldn’t matter to you if I buy one. If you want input, then you must care about the couch and price is a form of wanting input, so I need you to just acknowledge that yes, we may just indeed need a couch in a place and in a room where we didn’t before.
Whatever you guys are doing is unsustainable. At one point you loved each other and couldn’t wait to talk to each other. Figure out how to get that back. Go on dates, hold hands, hug, do some form of prayer together or not, but do something to connect you guys with something bigger then you two.
And, I’m waiting on the drum. I want it, it will have to wait and I’m fine with that. We need a couch for the family to sit on, I’m the only one who cares about the drum. So, I can compromise.
We could have easily done something different, split up, me change what I wanted, separate finances, lots of solutions to a problem. You guys can do the same.
Figure out what makes each of you loose it and things will settle down.

Anonymous wrote:Spouse won't let me sleep. It's been almost 3 hours. Demands we work through issues right now. We have so many issues and its been years of turmoil. I don't want to talk anymore. I just want to sleep. I threatened to call nonemergency police because I feel desperate. Is this abuse? Could they help me? Spouse says they will document that I called for no reason. Is this true?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

We have kids. Do I leave them in the house? Do I take them with me?

see an attorney

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

We have kids. Do I leave them in the house? Do I take them with me?