Anonymous wrote:Help us moms out, give us tips.

I am an adult daughter.
I do NOT care about my mom re-telling for the millionth time stories about things people said or did when she was working as a junior high teacher 15+ years ago in a rural Midwestern small town. My children are not yet in middle school, I live in a totally different region and school system, and things have changed so much since Covid. Instead of “momsplaining” to me or rehashing ancient slights, she could ASK how my kids are doing, how our school works, and generally approach the topic with curiosity first before going off on a tangent to turn the conversation back to herself. She could ask me how I FEEL about how my kids are doing or how our school approaches different things.

She could ask me about my job. Like ever. I don’t think she knows what I do, what level I am, or even that I lead 4 different teams within my department.
I recently ran my first half marathon. They forgot it was happening and then when I was walking slowly the next day, they didn’t ask me how it went.
I went out of town for my husband’s sister’s wedding shower. They asked if I had a nice time. I said yes and started to tell my mom a few short details and was interrupted so she could tell me a story about some drama in her church crafting group. It’s always about her. Her church group, her neighbors, her library volunteer friends, etc. I could write a novel about some of her acquaintances and she would be hard pressed to name a single one of my friends since college.

Every weekend we see my parents. The kids tell them the highlights from the week and usually have some photos or school work to share. I always ask my parents what they have coming up in the week ahead, did they make any new recipes, watching any new shows, what books are they reading? I am trying to teach my children to express interest in others and have conversations instead of just answering questions adults ask them. My parents never ask me what I have coming up. What am I excited about? What am I dreading? What is stressing me out? My parents don’t know and don’t care. All they want to know is my kids’ sports schedules and when can they see my kids.

Ha I was visiting my parents and got an earful about my mom’s neighbors and how they are all so demanding because they nag her to cut down an ugly tree. Honestly, it fills the awkward silences (I don’t particularly like telling her about my life because she will remember every detail I mention and rub it in later, or give tons of very unsolicited advise and then follow up with me about taking her advixe). So, I definitely prefer to nod and smile to all her talk about her neighbors and her crazy lifelong friends and their kids. It’s entertaining, it’s low stakes, it makes her happy and saves me from having to share too much of my life.

I used to visit my grandmother when I was younger and she was always telling me about all these people she knew, so much drama! Then one day I realized she was telling me about the characters on The Young and the Restless, not people she actually knew.

I would tease out whether this is delusions and paranoia or just simply being nosey and gossipy. If the later, so what? Listen. Engage.

What’s the big deal? You’re so “busy” you don’t have time for your mother??

I have listened to my MIL go on & on about her neighbors and friends. I know all their names, I know their arguments, I know how kind and helpful they’ve been to her.

I cannot imagine being so rude as my MIL shares her stories and observations. Does she ask about me? No. She does not. Guess what? I don’t care. She’s in her 80s.

Shorten the calls and make them less frequent op.

Anonymous wrote:Do you share with her what you're doing in your life. I mean, besides folding the laundry

No OP but they don't care. What's the point? They always turn it into themselves.

Try to teach your mom to leave voice memos using her iPhone, or download the MarcoPolo app. This allows her to record messages for you and you can record replies for her. And you can do it on your own time and schedule.

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, you will miss her conversations when she’s gone. Stop being an A.

Nope, not everyone will.

Anonymous wrote:Do you share with her what you're doing in your life. I mean, besides folding the laundry

Not OP, if I did tell her anything about what was going on in my life she would share it with every single person she could.

That’s all my mother talks about too.

After hearing her gossip about people I know independent of her, I told her I’m not interested in her conversations with certain friends so please stop forcing these people on me.

If she takes my lack of interest in gossip personally then that’s her problem not mine.

No need to be doormat to the village gossip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma was always telling us her neighbor was a drug dealer. He had been bad since he was a small boy and rode his tricycle recklessly. Also his girlfriend worked at Hooters. Anyway turns out he totally was a drug dealer all along.

I’m here for more of your recollections and observations, PP.

His name was Timmy! He never had a job, but always had money-- but maybe due to his girlfriend getting rich on tips from Hooters. She did look the part. Anyway, cars would come and go from his driveway staying only a few minutes. In retrospect it was quite obvious, it's just that only Grandma was watching enough during the daytime to see it happen. She also enjoyed Dateline, Law and Order, etc., so she was prepared.

Of course, after the cops busted him, we were all begging Grandma for a detailed description of the arrest. Not so boring anymore! The house is now occupied by boring people but their garden looks nice.

Oh man. This is amazing. Is Grandma still among us? I hope you all told her you were impressed.

Sadly no, but she lived a long and happy life and was always interested in other people. She had an amazing ability to make assertions that seemed implausible but turned out to be true, and we all marveled at it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma was always telling us her neighbor was a drug dealer. He had been bad since he was a small boy and rode his tricycle recklessly. Also his girlfriend worked at Hooters. Anyway turns out he totally was a drug dealer all along.

I’m here for more of your recollections and observations, PP.

His name was Timmy! He never had a job, but always had money-- but maybe due to his girlfriend getting rich on tips from Hooters. She did look the part. Anyway, cars would come and go from his driveway staying only a few minutes. In retrospect it was quite obvious, it's just that only Grandma was watching enough during the daytime to see it happen. She also enjoyed Dateline, Law and Order, etc., so she was prepared.

Of course, after the cops busted him, we were all begging Grandma for a detailed description of the arrest. Not so boring anymore! The house is now occupied by boring people but their garden looks nice.

Oh man. This is amazing. Is Grandma still among us? I hope you all told her you were impressed.

Anonymous wrote:Are they going out shopping while they’re supposed to be working from home? If so, I think your mom’s on DCUM.

Link? Lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma was always telling us her neighbor was a drug dealer. He had been bad since he was a small boy and rode his tricycle recklessly. Also his girlfriend worked at Hooters. Anyway turns out he totally was a drug dealer all along.

I’m here for more of your recollections and observations, PP.

His name was Timmy! He never had a job, but always had money-- but maybe due to his girlfriend getting rich on tips from Hooters. She did look the part. Anyway, cars would come and go from his driveway staying only a few minutes. In retrospect it was quite obvious, it's just that only Grandma was watching enough during the daytime to see it happen. She also enjoyed Dateline, Law and Order, etc., so she was prepared.

Of course, after the cops busted him, we were all begging Grandma for a detailed description of the arrest. Not so boring anymore! The house is now occupied by boring people but their garden looks nice.

Anonymous wrote:I have followed the standard DCUM advice. I call when I’m tasked with something like folding laundry. I only half listen. I “uh huh” and “that sounds hard”. I try to make it a game (Do my elderly neighbors gossip to their children about ME?) I try to change the subject, which always turns back to how the new topic somehow relates to her neighbors. I’m exhausted.

How can one person have so many suspicions and speculations about her neighbors? How does she know so much about their coming’s and going’s? About what they put out to the curb for trash? Who she expects will visit? It is borderline stalker-ish!

I understand she’s bored and lonely, probably anxious. I try to quell some of that with bi-weekly phone calls, but I’m losing my mind!

Is there an outside-of-the-box way I can not let this drive me up the wall?

Use. Your. Words. And. Tell. Your. Idiot. Of. A. Moron. Mother. To. Stop. Prattling. On.

Jesus. This. Isn’t. Hard.