Anonymous wrote:

Here's the rub- you'll learn quickly the reality of attendance rules for your club vs. what's on paper. My DD has teammates who have missed practices for an entire week during a main competition season and the coaches don't care. And she has other teammates who are held out of competitions for missing a practice 3 weeks beforehand.

This is the real answer. As my old college coach once said "I treat everyone fairly, I don't treat everyone equally. The leeway I give to a top player is different than what I give to a player on the margins." If you don't think that is right and you think your team runs it this way, my suggestion is to find another team.

Some programs also are more flexible WRT to practices than games when it comes to life events. For example, my children's travel team normally has practice on Sunday mornings when not in tournaments - they didn't practice on Easter Sunday.

DS who plays u16 soccer has never missed for a family commitment without the ok of the coach. Over the years some have been of the mindset that it’s no issue to attend a rare special event but some have been super strict. We try to get a read and then he asks accordingly. I remember my son’s JV coach was very understanding. Meanwhile he didn’t dare ask his varsity coach for anything because he punished/retaliated for anyone who missed for any reason at all with the exception of excusing kids for the SAT/COVID/injury. When he was young (9-11) his club coach made sure all the parents knew that grandmas birthday or a family vacation were not excuses. We even had to leave a vacation early because he changed training plans at the last minute and sent a message stressing that it was mandatory. I did regret not pushing back on that demand because he was 11 and it was inappropriate. But we always check the soccer calendar before making our plans. In later years his club coaches have been much more reasonable but we never take advantage. He has missed for illness and sometimes because of a school conflict but we have always avoided trips and social commitments that conflict. He would ask his present coaches for permission if it was a once in a lifetime something like his grandpa’s 90th or his sister’s college graduation but not for a vacation, anything that’s run of the mill or could be scheduled for another time. This means we schedule Mothers Day plans around soccer (yes I hate it!) and he says no to lots of invites. He made a commitment to his team and that was a choice.

Anonymous wrote:I’m pp - usually each season we’d have some sort of family event come up - a sibling’s play, a special dinner out with folks from out of town etc
We’d let my son decide what he wanted to do in terms of missing game/practice or family event.
If we decided for him - told him what he would skip/do - it wouldn’t go over well.

Then your kid isn't overly committed. We've seen kids benched for missing for those reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Not much so choose carefully. Illness, appointment if you have to, major family event.

Right. A high level team is a big commitment. If you aren't willing to have him do that he shouldn't join.

Illness or major family event like a wedding or funeral. If he's injured he can still attend and participate as much as a doctor or physiotherapist allows. He may be on the bench watching and listening but he should still be there.

My DD does an intense year-round sport, akin to swimming or gymnastics. Missing practice is ok for anyone if they are throwing up or have a fever. It is also ok for a funeral. Depending on the time of year, it's also ok if it's one day at the end of a long international trip to see family during the team's one-week summer break, a once-a-year school concert or vent, etc.

Here's the rub- you'll learn quickly the reality of attendance rules for your club vs. what's on paper. My DD has teammates who have missed practices for an entire week during a main competition season and the coaches don't care. And she has other teammates who are held out of competitions for missing a practice 3 weeks beforehand.

Like so many things in life, there are loopholes if you are good enough at what you do.

My daughter has been on a competitive travel team for two years. She missed one in season practice for illness and attended but sat out of two in-season practices for a minor injury. That's it. They practice year round but there is much more flexibility for absences in the off season. She has missed for her secondary sport, visiting grandparents, etc.

^^ this

At 13, if you can't keep the commitment to the team, you don't play on the competitive team. It's not fair to the team. You can schedule around the season.

Anonymous wrote:This depends on the club and their rules. Have a clear understanding of the expectations before you join. If you can’t meet the expectations, choose a different club.

We have had kids on a very strict club that specifically said no missing for sibling graduation - school concerts the athlete is in were OK, but that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be some sort of consequence.

This. You don’t join a team without knowing the expectations and any team worth its salt will set clear expectations so there’s no BS down the line. Coaches understand legit family obligations and illness, but don’t be the BS.

This depends on the club and their rules. Have a clear understanding of the expectations before you join. If you can’t meet the expectations, choose a different club.

We have had kids on a very strict club that specifically said no missing for sibling graduation - school concerts the athlete is in were OK, but that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be some sort of consequence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't plan things midweek on a practice night. So the kid would not go to the dinner with out of town guests, they wouldn't want to do that anyway. Visiting Grandma would happen at a more convenient time. Siblings concert would be up in the air. I have 3 kids and they are all busy with their own things and they don't all go to each others events all the time.

OP here,

Between my two kids, someone has a practice or a game or other event 7 days a week. Someone has to miss if they're going to see Grandma, since she's an 8 hour drive away and too elderly and fragile to come to us.

Are you the same poster on the other thread asking if it’s okay to skip games to have lunch with grandma?

Our grandparents are that far away or farther. No, we don’t have our kids miss sports for visits. We go in the summer or at other times when it doesn’t conflict. And no to your other question, they don’t miss to attend a siblings performance. You carpool on those nights. If my kids join a team, generally they only miss if they are ill or some emergency specialist appointment or a real emergency. This is why my kids never joined a sport that has anything organized June and and July. We need that time for travel flexibility.

No that wasn’t me.

Both my kids have commitments all summer. I am guessing that my athlete plays a different sport than yours.

Probably but this is why we said no to some sports. For example, we told DD at an early age she could not try out for club lax because it had a heavy summer commitment and we were not willing to give up our travel time. We didn’t let her join a team and then skip when we were out of town.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't plan things midweek on a practice night. So the kid would not go to the dinner with out of town guests, they wouldn't want to do that anyway. Visiting Grandma would happen at a more convenient time. Siblings concert would be up in the air. I have 3 kids and they are all busy with their own things and they don't all go to each others events all the time.[/quote]

OP here,

Between my two kids, someone has a practice or a game or other event 7 days a week. Someone has to miss if they're going to see Grandma, since she's an 8 hour drive away and too elderly and fragile to come to us. [/quote]

Are you the same poster on the other thread asking if it’s okay to skip games to have lunch with grandma?

Our grandparents are that far away or farther. No, we don’t have our kids miss sports for visits. We go in the summer or at other times when it doesn’t conflict. And no to your other question, they don’t miss to attend a siblings performance. You carpool on those nights. If my kids join a team, generally they only miss if they are ill or some emergency specialist appointment or a real emergency. This is why my kids never joined a sport that has anything organized June and and July. We need that time for travel flexibility. [/quote]

No that wasn’t me.

Both my kids have commitment all summer. I am guessing that my athlete plays a different sport than yours.[/quote]

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