Anonymous wrote:Our three are all very successful and best friends. Plus happily married. I think we set good examples as a loving couple, we both had careers but family was always the priority and we never had household drama. We are both well educated so our kids knew that was important to being successful. We didn’t browbeat them if they got a bad grade, we just highlighted the importance of working hard if you want to succeed. When they were in ES and MS our free time was pretty much devoted to them and their activities and we enjoyed it. Even today we stay in very close contact with them and their children and they often seek our advice. Finally, I think we set a very good example when it came to things like smoking, drinking, partying etc etc. We are very social people but setting a good example was always high on our behavior list.

Hahahahahaha!!

Not a chance I believe the bolded. MS years are designed to bring drama to your house. Are you saying your kids didn't go through the normal development? Or are you just a narcissist who has their goggles on and your kids will have something different to say about their upbringing.

We did a lot of things together and with local family (not many of them but a few are local), esp. when little. The latter became harder as the kids got older.

But we did fun things on holidays, traveled a lot together, lots of dinners together and time on porch doing things with our DC (arts and crafts), movie nights as family, celebrating our fave holiday (Halloween). We made the family unit a safe and fun place (imperfect at times for sure) but we are very close as a result. I hope there will be "payoff" as DC leaves for college and starting life in that they won't go far but we'll see. I think we'll be close wherever they land but I'd be (inwardly) devastated if it was too far from home.

Anonymous wrote:If you and your spouse raised your kids into successful adults. What were some of the things you did that most impacted them becoming well adjusted successful adults? Do you have any regrets?

Most impact

No formal religion. Comparative religions are discussed over time.

Education. Love of learning. Sharing in that with them.

Travel as much as possible.

Reading everything and anything. We read to them they read to us. We discussed books as they aged. Reading fundamental part of our family.

Dim Sum Sundays are mandatory LOL. Funny to this day they still as adults do this.

Sex ed early on.

Personal responsibility. Starting in MS make your own lunch, pack your own stuff no one is bringing you your stuff. College apps you want to go you do it, you want a tutor ask. Teach them to cook and want to help in the kitchen, take them grocery shopping show them pricing etc. When they are old enough they do their own taxes.

Bank accounts they should have one. Because my kids worked during the summer, whether it was camp counselor or retail or food service learning to work and read a paystub is a life skill

No chores we are a family we help each other. My kids never once balked at this. I rarely had to ask someone to take out the trash they kind of took turns on their own.

Saying I was sorry if I did something wrong.

Listen to them I can not stress this enough engage with them put the cell phones down every night at dinner and talk to each other. If you can not do that because of schedules then pick a time on the weekend that you can. This all of mine said was impactful.

What I failed at.

My mother's voice at times.

I come from poverty and a criminal household. Keeping my kids away from that was not always easy or maybe I did not handle it the best way.

A little too strict on alcohol in HS. Although three of mine have said now they are glad we were. These three were our most social, very social.

Mine are all grown and graduated from graduate schools etc. gainfully employed. It is not lost on me that we are very lucky and that the best of parenting can still go off the rails.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. For those who mentioned traditions. Can you give some examples of the types of traditions you had with the kids?

A week at the same beach every summer
Camping on the eastern shore every Memorial Day weekend
Hiking Old Rag the Saturday of Thanksgiving every year
Three day weekends to small towns in NC to play golf, eat seafood, and explore
Canoe trips down the James river every summer
Shark tooth collecting on the Maryland shore
Fishing for Shad at Fletchers boathouse every spring
Day trips to Rehoboth to eat fries, play boardwalk games and get ice cream at Kohrs
Overnight biking trips on the C&O
Camping at Big Meadows in SNP to see meteor showers
...

these are great examples! I hope the take away for all parents is the you can do great things, build traditions, and launch well adjusted kids without spending a fortune on vacations, too many activities, private schools, fancy stuff, expensive clothes etc...Social media is conditioning our children to want only the very best but it will never bring them happiness.

traditions for us:
--christmas cookies and special german cakes
--Lighting advent candles and a special reading after dinner in the lead up to christmas.
--Getting a special ornament that represents the year we had for each christmas
--Getting an ornament from places we travel

--Planting spring bulbs together.

--Every night at dinner, we each say a "pow and wow" for the day.

--Dad takes kid sledding whenever it snows.

--DH puts a dad joke in in kids lunch box every single day. It got to the point that the principal at her elem school would read them out on the cafeteria sometimes when kid was super little. he is savin all of them so in the future if she is having a rough time in college etc he will send them back to her.

PP here, there is a lot of good advice in this post OP! Also agree with posters about building traditions. I find myself doing so many of the same things with my own kid that we did as a child.
Also, we didn't have much financially when I was young but my parents still took us on picnics in local park, hiking, sunday drives (remember when that was a thing), local free museums etc. You don't have to be rich to give your kid experiences.

My kid is still young so I may yet screw this up. But as a "successful" adult with a close relationship with my two well adjusted adult siblings I can tell you this.
first, my parents definitely were NOT super parents by any stretch, too young with kids, mom very immature etc.
However:
--we ate dinner together every single night without fail.

--we all had chores to do everyday, no exceptions, non negotiable. everyone is part of the house and everyone contributes

--lots of free time to play without any adult supervision or organized playdates (this was the late 70s and early 80s), I know times have changed but I really think this had the biggest impact on learning to solve problems, manage our time, get along with others.

--no crazy competitive activities (travel teams used to truly only be for the best of the best), just a chance to explore different things on our level.

--Strong support network of neighborhood families.

--Lots of family reunions, playing with cousins, visiting grandparents. I used to loathe reunions as a kid because I was very shy. As an adult now, I am very close to many aunts and uncles and have friendship relationships with them., also close with many second and third cousins, this foundation is very grounding for kids. It's good to know you are part of something bigger than yourself.

--my parents encouraged us to get part time jobs whether babysitting in middle school or afterschool jobs in high school. We can outwork anyone and have more hustle than most adults I know.

But honestly, sometimes it's just beyond a parents control. I am one of three but we are all so different in personality and temperament it's hard to believe we are related but I think the things I listed were the shared foundation.

Anonymous wrote:Instill morality for themselves , empathy for others, love of learning, value of (mental, physical, spiritual)health. They'll be fine.

This

Instill morality for themselves , empathy for others, love of learning, value of (mental, physical, spiritual)health. They'll be fine.

My parents raised four successful children. My parents were really good role models. They worked hard, were devoted to their kids, and even when their marriage hit rough patches (my dad worked a lot which my mother resented) they got through it and set an example of endurance. They enrolled us in activities and encouraged us to excel. They had high expectations of us academically but we were supported if we ever struggled. We spend a lot of quality time together on weekends. My parents are also good and generous people - really, I just think a combination of setting a good example and being thoughtful about your family values.

That said, one of my siblings was rebellious as a teen (but is ultimately the most financially successful of any of us as an adult) and that was very hard on my parents. You can do everything right and still have hard times. So set your values and your boundaries, put in your time and do your best and hope for the best.

Thanks everyone. For those who mentioned traditions. Can you give some examples of the types of traditions you had with the kids?

Many holiday traditions, plus some others - make same Christmas cookies together every year, have family friends over on Christmas Eve after mass, beach for a week in summer and family vacation at spring break, holiday brunches with their favorite “traditional” foods, volunteering on Thanksgiving morning, family dinner out the night before Thanksgiving. The kids also attended each other’s games at least once a season if they could (they often had conflicting schedules) and did summer swim together for fun and would go to McDonalds after every meet. We celebrated report cards when they were younger with a “smarty party,” which usually meant going out for ice cream.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. For those who mentioned traditions. Can you give some examples of the types of traditions you had with the kids?

Beach trips in the summer (most summers).
Lots of food traditions, such as making sugar cookies and Gingerbread houses at Christmas.
Making pasta together.
Going to see Bull Run Festival of Lights every year.
Easter Egg hunts and brunch on easter.
Not a "tradition" necessarily but we traveled a lot together.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. For those who mentioned traditions. Can you give some examples of the types of traditions you had with the kids?

A week at the same beach every summer
Camping on the eastern shore every Memorial Day weekend
Hiking Old Rag the Saturday of Thanksgiving every year
Three day weekends to small towns in NC to play golf, eat seafood, and explore
Canoe trips down the James river every summer
Shark tooth collecting on the Maryland shore
Fishing for Shad at Fletchers boathouse every spring
Day trips to Rehoboth to eat fries, play boardwalk games and get ice cream at Kohrs
Overnight biking trips on the C&O
Camping at Big Meadows in SNP to see meteor showers
...

Constant supportive presence in their life and unconditional love has worked for us.

Thanks everyone. For those who mentioned traditions. Can you give some examples of the types of traditions you had with the kids?