My spending habits . I'm working on it honey, I promise.

Lying and no accountability while lacking empathy

His mother

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of communication or ability to communicate. Also, inability to have empathy.

This.

This was us for many years. Gottman helped us enormously.

Lack of sleep

Years (over a decade) of DH being absent and traveling so much due to work and me pretty much raising our 2 kids only own. They’re now teens. Our oldest is insanely high needs with no diagnosis despite multiple tests. She needs so much support and supervision and it’s making me empty inside. I’m doing everything I can but I am so tired. He knows but doesn’t do anything. Family and individual counseling hasn’t worked. I stay for my kids.

Differences in how hard to push the kids to “power through” illnesses or other obstacles they face. My lower libido.

Total lack of physical affection

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frequently starts unnecessary projects or embarks on side hustles without considering the true cost to herself, anyone else, or the household. Leaves previous projects unfinished when they are no longer the new shiny thing.

Any chance that there is mania?

Just doesn't quite rise to the level that it's worth it for me to 'do' anything about. In the end I found lukewarm enablement to be less of a headache than continuing to challenge any of it.

Anonymous wrote:Spouse's self-absorption. He would like me to be happy, because then his life would be more pleasant, but not if that means doing something he is not naturally inclined to do.

Sort of like this:
https://www.swistle.com/2018/05/17/fading-pique-second-mothers-day-update/

You know. I have felt this same way. I’ve learned over time that my frustration wasn’t just that he didn’t care how I felt, but also that he wasn’t willing to share how he felt.
He had some pent up childhood stuff that no one would care about how he felt, and consequently when I shared how I felt, he thought I was being self-indulgent and maybe kind of foolish, like something really bad might happen.
It took me really pushing to get my way on something that was important to both of us for him to finally open up with his opinions (other than that I was being stupid). Once he was able to do that, our relationship got so much better, and we were talking on the same kind of level.

High needs second child.

Spouse's self-absorption. He would like me to be happy, because then his life would be more pleasant, but not if that means doing something he is not naturally inclined to do.

Sort of like this:
https://www.swistle.com/2018/05/17/fading-pique-second-mothers-day-update/

Being afraid to really depend on the other person for anything. Feeling resentful of any compromises we’ve made for each other.

Mental illness

Anonymous wrote:Frequently starts unnecessary projects or embarks on side hustles without considering the true cost to herself, anyone else, or the household. Leaves previous projects unfinished when they are no longer the new shiny thing.

That’s the biggest issue in your marriage?
Maybe I’m picturing this wrong, but that hardly seems like a big deal.