Anonymous
04/12/2024 07:48
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
I couldn't afford a 3rd. Will likely always be sad about it
Anonymous
04/12/2024 06:07
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
We were on the fence but it was always in the back of my mind so we decided to try once more and if it didn’t work out then we’d let it go. I got pregnant very quickly but ended up miscarrying so that was it. It was hard at first but eventually as my kids got older I stopped wanting a third and was happy with what I had. Two amazing kids who are very close and a happy family.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 22:38
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
Our kids are three years apart. By the time my youngest was about one, my older had a few concerning medical issues including seizures (very well controlled by meds and has since grown out of this) and was also clearly neurodiverse (although very high functioning). Also, pregnancy took a huge toll on my body.
So we stopped at 2. My younger would love to have a little sibling but it’s just not in the cards. Honestly, having only mild special needs can still be exhausting. I love my kids to the moon and would obviously have a similar love for a third, but I am glad we made the decision we did.
So we stopped at 2. My younger would love to have a little sibling but it’s just not in the cards. Honestly, having only mild special needs can still be exhausting. I love my kids to the moon and would obviously have a similar love for a third, but I am glad we made the decision we did.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 22:25
Subject: Re:Stopping at 2 kids..
Anonymous wrote:I have 2 and think I'm done (although I could certainly have another given my age, finances, etc.) Some of my reasons are:
- I have 2 amazing, healthy kids. Why risk something going wrong with the third?
- I don't want to get pregnant or give birth again. I love having my body back, being able to work out as much as I want and eat/drink anything.
- Waking up every few hours during the newborn phase is terrible. I don't want to deal with that again.
- Extra financial burdens. Sure, we could afford it, but it's a huge extra cost.
- I feel stretched with 2 kids (both DH and I have full time jobs) already. 3 just seems chaotic and I would lose even more sleep.
- I've taken 2 maternity leaves from my job. They've been very gracious and while I could do it a 3rd time, the whole thing would be stressful to deal with.
I honestly can't think of any pros of having a 3rd kid, other than it might be a bit more fun.
These are exactly my reasons too!
Anonymous
04/11/2024 22:23
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 22:17
Subject: Re:Stopping at 2 kids..
I have 2 and think I'm done (although I could certainly have another given my age, finances, etc.) Some of my reasons are:
- I have 2 amazing, healthy kids. Why risk something going wrong with the third?
- I don't want to get pregnant or give birth again. I love having my body back, being able to work out as much as I want and eat/drink anything.
- Waking up every few hours during the newborn phase is terrible. I don't want to deal with that again.
- Extra financial burdens. Sure, we could afford it, but it's a huge extra cost.
- I feel stretched with 2 kids (both DH and I have full time jobs) already. 3 just seems chaotic and I would lose even more sleep.
- I've taken 2 maternity leaves from my job. They've been very gracious and while I could do it a 3rd time, the whole thing would be stressful to deal with.
I honestly can't think of any pros of having a 3rd kid, other than it might be a bit more fun.
- I have 2 amazing, healthy kids. Why risk something going wrong with the third?
- I don't want to get pregnant or give birth again. I love having my body back, being able to work out as much as I want and eat/drink anything.
- Waking up every few hours during the newborn phase is terrible. I don't want to deal with that again.
- Extra financial burdens. Sure, we could afford it, but it's a huge extra cost.
- I feel stretched with 2 kids (both DH and I have full time jobs) already. 3 just seems chaotic and I would lose even more sleep.
- I've taken 2 maternity leaves from my job. They've been very gracious and while I could do it a 3rd time, the whole thing would be stressful to deal with.
I honestly can't think of any pros of having a 3rd kid, other than it might be a bit more fun.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:51
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
First, to the troll who is attacking people who mourn losing babies, I sincerely hope you stub your toe badly on something, step on a Lego, and bite your tongue. Something is wrong with you.
To OP, on the fence=no. You often hear that three is where the chaos comes in. You lose man on man defense etc. I didn’t think it would be true for us but it was. LOVE the third and would not change anything but as the older two remark “standards have slipped.”
To OP, on the fence=no. You often hear that three is where the chaos comes in. You lose man on man defense etc. I didn’t think it would be true for us but it was. LOVE the third and would not change anything but as the older two remark “standards have slipped.”
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:37
Subject: Re:Stopping at 2 kids..
A few reasons we stopped at 2.
Realized I couldn’t be the kind of mom I wanted to be if I had a third, there’s just not enough hours in the day.
My DH and I were struggling to keep our marriage together, the stress of a third might have ended it, which wouldn’t be fair to our existing kids.
I’m not prepared to have a kid with special needs, which is a higher possibility the older the parents are.
We already had two healthy kids: a boy and a girl. Had we had two of the same sex, I may have considered trying for a third.
Realized I couldn’t be the kind of mom I wanted to be if I had a third, there’s just not enough hours in the day.
My DH and I were struggling to keep our marriage together, the stress of a third might have ended it, which wouldn’t be fair to our existing kids.
I’m not prepared to have a kid with special needs, which is a higher possibility the older the parents are.
We already had two healthy kids: a boy and a girl. Had we had two of the same sex, I may have considered trying for a third.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:27
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
I say this as a happily one and done mom who has never had a miscarriage, but the insensitive comments about pregnancy loss in this thread are just awful. No one has the right to tell another woman what kind of family to want or how she should feel about not being able to achieve it.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:25
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
Our Surprise! third in our forties is the best thing that ever happened to us. I never would have guessed that and was very nervous at first. BUT the seven year age gap really helps make it more manageable. Money concern is less important than we thought, although private colleges will be merit only. My perspective on that stuff really changed. life is simpler in some ways because we have to put the family unit first over the individual needs and that’s been strangely freeing. Should have done that before obviously.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:22
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
I’m mad at my parents for only having 2 kids. How lame. And now my sister isn’t having kids so my kids don’t have cousins.
I wish we had gone for 4 or 5.
I wish we had gone for 4 or 5.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:21
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
I wanted 3 but we had 2. Now they are older i am so glad we stopped at 2. As they say, bigger kids, bigger problems! I feel I can devote enough time to 2 but 3, something would have fallen through the cracks.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 21:21
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Someone once framed it: Can you tolerate 50% more (fill in the blank)?
Some things to fill in the blank with:
Whining
Night wake ups
Activities
Noise
Illnesses
Obviously things like night wakeups don't last forever, but I knew that i didn't want to deal with it, even for a few years.
I'm an introvert and like my free time and felt like I'd be stretched too thin with 3.
Wouldn’t it be 30% with a third?
No, you are increasing the number of kids you have by 50%. If you go from 3 to 4, that would be increasing the number of kids you have by 33.3%
Np. Every child is different and the family dynamic changes with time.
Number 3 could be chill and number one could get easier as they age.
On the opposite end, number 3 could be way more challenging, have special needs or cause the other two children to fight or whine more. Attention divided three ways means each kid gets less undivided attention, which might be fine. Or it may give children more time to sneak off and do dumb things.
It’s less of a straight calculation and more like rolling a dice imo.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 20:50
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
No money, not time, no space, no energy.
The two I have are actually very easy kids and fairly cheap. I also have a village helping me raise them.
I did not enjoy doing kids' things. They have seven year difference. I clearly forgot how hard the early years were.
The two I have are actually very easy kids and fairly cheap. I also have a village helping me raise them.
I did not enjoy doing kids' things. They have seven year difference. I clearly forgot how hard the early years were.
Anonymous
04/11/2024 20:35
Subject: Stopping at 2 kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been trying for 3 years, since 36 for #3. I've lost 5 so far. By far the absolute worst thing that's ever happened to me. I had zero issues with #1 and 2.
I ask this respectfully, but why did you keep trying after several losses? What is it about three kids that drives you to go through it again?
Long story, but I wanted what everyone desires - two kids, normal family life, close siblings. My first was an accidental pregnancy with an abusive man. I took time to heal, move on and find the right man. We wanted two kids, 2 ish years apart. Never going to happen.