Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who went through menopause and couldn't stand the sight or smell of her dh. She wasn't nice about it and he fought back with her. They got divorced. The dh told me that his ex had issues after their child was born, which seemed similar to how she ended up. I wonder if women who have bad pms and post partum anxiety/depression do worse with perimenopause and menopause? Like a pp, I would take the risks of hormone replacement over emotional agony.

This is exactly what happened to me. My ex lost her mind after our first kid. We had huge issues. She got on an anti depressant and life was good for the next 18 years until her mid-late 40s. The same person that showed up after the first kid, showed up again. Nothing I could say or do changed her from this person. I tried waiting it out too, but in the end she decided to blow up our lives and seek a divorce. She struggled with mental health after the divorce too. Her ire was not solely directed at me either. She ruined her relationship with her kids, her siblings, her parents, etc. She's since pulled herself up a little bit, but I still don't think she's made it through to the other side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

NP. Every.single.thing seems to be blamed on menopause here, though. I’m in chemically-induced menopause and I don’t hate my husband.

God forbid you understand that it affects other people differently.

I’m 47 and experiencing this. I know I drive him crazy, too. We’re in it for the long haul, though. We watched our parents get old and cranky together and we’ll do the same.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, literally everything about DH is bugging me. Like everything - the way he acts, eats, what he says and does, everything’s annoying the crap out of me.

We’ve been together 20 years and I’m in menopause. What can I do to change my attitude and make our future together more tolerable?

Obviously is you...men don't change. lol.

Humor helps!

Am in peri menopause, gained 10ths for the first time in my life (outside of pregnancies), where it’s not coming with eating less, cutting surgery coffee & alcoholic drinks, and exercise.

And my spouse is aspergers so chaos galore!
I am years past grieving that and running the family/house by myself plus working.

So I laugh, shake my head, dive in in waves, go out for dinner for work functions and w girlfriend. Disappear on weekends for salons or hikes.

Am I you, OP?

I tried solo vacations and guess what? He still drives me mad. If anything I hate him a little extra when I come home because I had a taste of freedom and a bed to myself without his sweaty stink all over it.

he’s a good person, he’s a good person, is what I keep telling myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your post.

You're not alone.

+1

Its hard not to think... will it always be like this?

Yesss, me too. We've been together 21 years.

I'm also irritated by my lovely co-workers so I'm getting my hormone levels checked. LOL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

NP. Every.single.thing seems to be blamed on menopause here, though. I’m in chemically-induced menopause and I don’t hate my husband.

Most likely you have a supportive dh who understands you are going through something and doesn't take your bad moods (if you have them) personally. I have a good dh, too, who has been a saint. I do have moments of being irritated by him, though. When that happens, I take a walk or run. I also try my best to be kind to him as he is to me.

It's normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

NP. Every.single.thing seems to be blamed on menopause here, though. I’m in chemically-induced menopause and I don’t hate my husband.

Just to add - I’m not in my 30s, like PP was, or even my 40s; I was likely nearly menopausal before starting the estrogen blockers. So I’m sure that made a difference.

I think some of the symptoms recede for many people AFTER the transition, once you’re fully menopausal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

NP. Every.single.thing seems to be blamed on menopause here, though. I’m in chemically-induced menopause and I don’t hate my husband.

^although I AM more sensitive to smells in general. I always was, but it’s worse now.

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

NP. Every.single.thing seems to be blamed on menopause here, though. I’m in chemically-induced menopause and I don’t hate my husband.

I know a woman who went through menopause and couldn't stand the sight or smell of her dh. She wasn't nice about it and he fought back with her. They got divorced. The dh told me that his ex had issues after their child was born, which seemed similar to how she ended up. I wonder if women who have bad pms and post partum anxiety/depression do worse with perimenopause and menopause? Like a pp, I would take the risks of hormone replacement over emotional agony.

This is fascinating. I hate my husband and am wondering if this is why. Does it get better once you hit menopause?

I'm 44 but definitely in peri.

I was at an event tonight with a speaker but ended up in a different row than my DH because he came later. During the Q&A, someone asked a question so I turned around to see the speaker. I caught sight of my DH and all I could think was "why the hell is he sitting so weird."

I promise that he was legitimately sitting weirdly, but I've been irrationally annoyed by it for the last few hours so I think OP may be on to something.

I hope there is a medical explanation because I don't think I can go another 40 years cohabitating with someone who's perfectly content to sit in public looking like a weirdo.