They shouldn't be sedentary. You are setting them up to unhealthy as adults. They both need to be doing a physical activity. It doesn't have to be a team sport, but something regular where they raise their heartbeat. They can choose and change it up, but they need to so something.

They both need to practice going out of their comfort zone to try new things and meet new people. Summer camps are good for this. Activities also work. But they need to put themselves out there and practice those social skills.

They both also need to learn to do hard things. Maybe school is hard for them and that's enough, but elementary school comes easily for many kids. My kids study an instrument so they can learn how to practice and improve. Other kids learn this with math, coding, chess, or sports. The activity doesn't matter as much as having to put in sustained effort to improve.

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens and young adults here.

I think it's a problem if the underlying reason is anxiety and the fear of being in new environments with new people. My daughter has social anxiety and I've always had to insist she join activities. My son was always willing to try things, even though he's a homebody too and would rather play read or video games at home.

I hate over-scheduling kids, and throughout my kids' childhoods, I always respected their wishes to have downtime at home. However for their health I insisted on one physical activity (gym, horseback riding, whatever they wanted), and for my music lover's sake, I insisted on a music activity. I didn't actually need to insist too much for that, because we're all music lovers in the family. My son joined the Strathmore Children's Choir and my daughter takes private music lessons and is in MCYO (Maryland Classic Youth Orchestra). They were/are in a weekend native language school, and did various other things besides.

The goal isn't to bulldoze over their wishes, but to:
1. Strengthen social skills/ work on shyness, exercise the body and mind;
2. Find something they're good at and enjoy, which will bolster their confidence and self-esteem. They'll need that during the tumultuous years of adolescence! Please find it before they're teens!

This sounds like over-scheduling to me.

I honestly think it’s lovely. In middle and high school, there are more natural ways to be involved (I do feel strongly that being connected to school community/having your group is important).

For the upper elementary DD, is she involved in things at school, like band, chorus, patrols, a club that meets during the day? Things like that can be helpful in developing interests while taking up minimal free time.

Also, if they are trying new things over the summer (doesn’t have to be full time camp if you don’t need it), that counts!

I would also try to remember they are in school for the bulk of the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

I'm glad that worked for you. I asked my kids what they wanted to sign up for, got a lot of no's, respected those no's, and gradually got some yes's. Over time they grew from kids who wanted to run around outside after school with each other and friends, to kids with strong interests, and now I'm about to post whining about how overwhelming their schedule is going to be next year when they're both in high school. So, accepting my kid's "no's" and waiting for them to be ready worked well for us. Well, other than the fact that my kids have too many hours of activities now, but I don't think "Oh, I should have forced them to do activities so they would be sick of them by now!"

Activities can be great and I'll encourage, not force. But, I'll encourage even more my kids hanging out with their neighborhood friends as long as possible. Kids are over ot way too early now a days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

I'm glad that worked for you. I asked my kids what they wanted to sign up for, got a lot of no's, respected those no's, and gradually got some yes's. Over time they grew from kids who wanted to run around outside after school with each other and friends, to kids with strong interests, and now I'm about to post whining about how overwhelming their schedule is going to be next year when they're both in high school. So, accepting my kid's "no's" and waiting for them to be ready worked well for us. Well, other than the fact that my kids have too many hours of activities now, but I don't think "Oh, I should have forced them to do activities so they would be sick of them by now!"

Have the 10.5 try something she might be remotely interested in. Music, art, dance, etc.

If the younger one sees the older one trying things, it might inspire her.

Ignore the college poster. If you do go over to the college forum, you will see there are multiple tracks of parents. Yes, some are gunning for the big schools, others mid tier, and some know their kid will be fine where ever they go.

The bond between your kids is precious. You must have done something right.

Activities at that age are to learn what they may like but also to build a little grit and perseverance. I noticed that my 8 year ild breezes through school and doesn't focus well since she knows how to read and math comes easy for her so far. She takes piano with a pretty serious teacher who only praises actual success and effort. Its one of the few things that DD does thats hard and she has to work at it to succeed. Its also been a great tool to work on perfectionism and anxiety. She starts a new piece, knows its not easy and she cant figure it out at first. But with daily practice and focusing on the hard parts she will figure it out. Its a lot of work for the parent, take to class and make sure the kid practices and provide positive support as to not turn off the interest in an activity.

Totally normal.

My kid is also not into group sports and group classes. He’s an introvert, school is tiring and he’s rather do stuff with family or a few friends than larger groups. He needs the break. What do you and your partner enjoy doing? We like skiing, bike riding and hiking. So he is active and has hobbies that we do together as a family. He also has private music lessons. We couldn’t get him to do a group sport or things like martial arts - which is fine - accept your kids’ personalities.

I think it's tough to strike a balance between encouragement and helping them try new things, and forcing them to do things they don't want to do. Our rule in the house was, if you signed up for the season, you had to finish the season, you made a commitment to the team, the coach. After the season, if you want to quit that's okay, but you also can't do nothing, so think about what you'd like to try next. At age 8, I signed up my then reluctant daughter to try a sport at her summer camp for a week. She ended up falling in love with it on day 1, and it became her main EC for the next 8 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

+1 I am the parent, I don’t ask my kids if they want to try something. Of course, I know their personalities so I sign them for classes that I know they will enjoy but I don’t ask for their opinion. So far there are no complains.

That’s weird to me, to not give your child any agency. What’s wrong with saying “Here are the options, you have to pick one of these” instead of disregarding their opinion entirely?

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking age 7 or age 11?

Their ages are 8 and 10.5

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Some kids aren't joined and don't like activities, it's no big deal. You can still have a great childhood and become a responsible, productive adult. I'd only encourage maybe in high school to help get into college.

You must have very young children. There will be few activities left for your kid to do if you wait until they're high schoolers to enroll them in something. It's a competitive, wealthy area. Most kids start instruments in elementary. Most kids start their preferred sport in elementary. If your kid shows up in high school trying to make the team, and they haven't done any sports regularly, they won't get in, or if it's no-cut, they won't keep up. Private teams will be out of the question. Same for music. A high school beginner will be in the beginner orchestra at school, and won't be get into any of this area's private youth orchestras. And since most families targeting decent colleges have kids with a long history of extra-curriculars, by comparison, your kid's school-only pursuits are going to look very meager.

Also, since you're that uninformed, here's the price of a private college or university these days: 70-100K a year, total cost of attendance. Georgetown is 93K a year, George Washington at least 85K (as of last year). UMD is 30K. UVA is 40K. Yes, you can get financial aid, but it's usually very small and doesn't cover even half the tuition, and it's mostly in the forms of loans. You can only get merit aid if you're a stand-out... which means interesting extra-curriculars...

Maybe all you parents of young kids should look into the College Forum every now and then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

+1 I am the parent, I don’t ask my kids if they want to try something. Of course, I know their personalities so I sign them for classes that I know they will enjoy but I don’t ask for their opinion. So far there are no complains.

If you want them to do something then you tell them they have to pick something. You're the parent - they don't get to refuse.

Our household rule is that you only get to do one sport and one non-sport activity at a time (we do flex if there's a good reason, and explain to the other kids why we flexed). If I were concerned that my kids weren't trying enough things, I'd flip that rule on it's head and say you have to do one sport and/or one non-sport activity this summer or next fall and give them options that work for your family's schedule.

I think it's great PPs are reminding you to appreciate that your kids love each other and your house. But if you think it would be good for them to get out and do something, go for it. Most activities are 1-2x per week at the beginner level. That's not crazy overscheduled or overstimulated. If 2 kids do something that's once per week each (like a dance class or music lessons), that's 2 nights you are heading in separate directions or one sibling is sitting in a waiting room. That's not a lot of the week.