Anonymous wrote:Older men have this habit of "I've put my hat on." it means it is time to go, extended goodbyes are tedious and weird.
Team FIL.

Yes. They are signaling that they have no responsibility to anyone else.

Older men have this habit of "I've put my hat on." it means it is time to go, extended goodbyes are tedious and weird.
Team FIL.

I’m like this. When I’m done with any given event or social situation I’m just done and it feels like every cell in my body is screaming to leave. Waiting for people to wrap up the check and/or get leftovers packed up is a big one. Teams meetings are another “triggering” one. It is rude to just bounce though, so in most situations I suck it up and try to be chill. Family is fair game and everyone knows I’ll be waiting in the car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has gas after the meal and needs to go outside to clear the 'problem'. Seriously, though, he's probably just trying to move people along. Perhaps he feels MIL takes too long to gather her things and leave.

Both of those are my husband. I find him sitting in the car when I’m ready to leave 30” later. He never tells me he left.

I hit a wall at every social gathering. A point where I can no longer make conversation and I can't fake it I usually go into another room and look at my phone or take a nap. It's harder at my parents apartment because there's nowhere to go. Next time I think I'll just go to the car. Thanks for the idea!

I love Irish goodbyes too. I remember the exact night in my 20s when it dawned on me that I could just leave a social gathering without a big goodbye. It felt so freeing!

Anonymous wrote:An Irish goodbye.

Lol. Irishman here. So true.

Team FIL.

#FartWalk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj7XD77Ps7A

https://www.today.com/health/health/fart-walk-rcna144689

Really
So what??

Anonymous wrote:Great guy in so many ways, but when he’s ready to go, he just…goes. I find this extraordinarily rude! Tonight at dinner we’re finishing signing checks, getting bags, getting kids ready to go etc and he just starts walking away. Left at least 2-3 minutes before everyone else. What is this??

I don't know why, but in my head I envisioned people around the kitchen table cutting checks.

It took me way to long to realize you were talking about a restaurant (and yes, I'm an idiot)

I went to a dinner party recently where the spouse went outside and waited for people to leave about 30 minutes before the end. When I left, he checked to make sure I had a good time and said "bye". I think he just needed space. It seemed fine to me.

He’s not a perfect person. In any case, it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t seem to bother his wife. So just let it be

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he had gas and was going for a #FartWalk. Seriously Look It Up. older people need to do this After They Eat.

And all my siblings since they were high school age. My brother wouldn’t give people the decency of going outside though. No shame or manners unless my father was there.

Anonymous wrote:So he drove home without his wife, or just went outside? I I would assume he gets overwhelmed by the goodbye process. Or feels like it’s his role to ‘get the car ready.” If this is his one issue, I would just accept it.

My bil will get up mid-family get together and just leave. It freaked me out the first time or two, then I just accepted it. He is the nicest person, he just gets to a point where he has had enough.

I agree with this and with posters who say maybe he has gas or just gets exhausted after eating and needs to leave.

My dad has always done this and it’s because he likes to turn the heat on to get the car warm for my mom. He’s also not that into big drawn out goodbyes. I think, for him at least, he gets hyperfocused on the “get the car warm for my wife” part and will leave unceremoniously with this goal in mind.

I’d write it off as a harmless quirk

Maybe he had gas and was going for a #FartWalk. Seriously Look It Up. older people need to do this After They Eat.

Anonymous wrote:He has gas after the meal and needs to go outside to clear the 'problem'. Seriously, though, he's probably just trying to move people along. Perhaps he feels MIL takes too long to gather her things and leave.

Both of those are my husband. I find him sitting in the car when I’m ready to leave 30” later. He never tells me he left.