Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 20:09     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not accepting that she has dementia is part of having dementia. It's normal.


This, with dementia, she doesn't understand or remember.


It's called anosognosia - ancient Greek for "without knowledge of disease." People with dementia (and people with mental illness) are often cognitively unaware of their condition due to physiological damage to the brain. It's a lack of self-awareness. Their brain simply cannot process the fact that they have dementia.

My mom is 82 and in the moderate stages of Alzheimer's. She lived with us two and a half months, until it became unsustainable and we moved her into assisted living. Two months later, she had a pretty serious wandering incident so she was moved to the secure memory care wing of the facility. To this day she says there is nothing wrong with her and complains about having to live with "all these old sick people."


Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.

Op, is your mom on meds? Something like Aricept or were quell or both could help. You need to consult a psychiatrist, neurologist, geriatrician etc about meds that might help. They can improve mood.


My mom loves her memory care. She suffered in both independent and assisted living because she was struggling so much cognitively, was anxious all the time and basically terrified. Going in I also thought memory care was a prison. I initially wanted my mom in a one bedroom because she’s always liked her space. Turns out her world needs to be smaller right now. She feels safe in her studio and in her smaller world. Life is simpler, she doesn’t have to worry about getting lost, things are familiar, she knows the routine, she likes the staff and the residents. All of these things are so incredibly important to those with dementia. There is no magic medicine to fix this.


agree. my mom is is memory care. it is a prison but she needs a prison -- just imagine if you had trouble remembering things, wouldn't you want your days to be filled with familiar sights and sounds and no choices or experiences that could overwhelm you.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 12:22     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was moving her in with you instead of forcing the issue and making her go to an AL place.


Sorry not all of us were as enlightened as you are for every situation that life throws at them.but thanks so much for the help.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 10:39     Subject: Re:moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.


Oh go away! You know nothing. If you had a bad experience, you should have found somewhere else.


Exactly. The PP who calls memory care "prison" is an ignorant a**hole.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 09:29     Subject: Re:moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.


Oh go away! You know nothing. If you had a bad experience, you should have found somewhere else.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 06:26     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not accepting that she has dementia is part of having dementia. It's normal.


This, with dementia, she doesn't understand or remember.


It's called anosognosia - ancient Greek for "without knowledge of disease." People with dementia (and people with mental illness) are often cognitively unaware of their condition due to physiological damage to the brain. It's a lack of self-awareness. Their brain simply cannot process the fact that they have dementia.

My mom is 82 and in the moderate stages of Alzheimer's. She lived with us two and a half months, until it became unsustainable and we moved her into assisted living. Two months later, she had a pretty serious wandering incident so she was moved to the secure memory care wing of the facility. To this day she says there is nothing wrong with her and complains about having to live with "all these old sick people."


Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.

Op, is your mom on meds? Something like Aricept or were quell or both could help. You need to consult a psychiatrist, neurologist, geriatrician etc about meds that might help. They can improve mood.


My mom loves her memory care. She suffered in both independent and assisted living because she was struggling so much cognitively, was anxious all the time and basically terrified. Going in I also thought memory care was a prison. I initially wanted my mom in a one bedroom because she’s always liked her space. Turns out her world needs to be smaller right now. She feels safe in her studio and in her smaller world. Life is simpler, she doesn’t have to worry about getting lost, things are familiar, she knows the routine, she likes the staff and the residents. All of these things are so incredibly important to those with dementia. There is no magic medicine to fix this.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2024 05:29     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, I do feel for you. I'm the original poster on the threat about the parent with Parkinson's. People on this board give excellent advice and are so kind!
Anyhow, my situation is different than yours in that we're not seeking memory care, but honestly I would just tell your mom, 'we're going on a family or business trip, mom, and I've arranged a nice place for you to stay while we're gone'. Or tell her it needs fumigating or floor refinishing, something like what the pp suggested. And I agree with others that she won't remember that , once she is settled in.


No. This is awful.


Have you been through this? I'm assuming not.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 23:03     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
The nice thing about AL is that you can move in with very little stuff because they have basic furniture already. My mom did not want to move in so we just told her she was going to visit and then when she was distracted, we grabbed a duffle bag from the car with some clothes and unpacked and then snuck out. We came by a few days later with more stuff and decorated her room a bit.

I 100% agree with making sure your mom goes to a memory care floor at an AL.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:42     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Is she on antidepressants? Made a huge difference in how nasty and depressed she was.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:42     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not accepting that she has dementia is part of having dementia. It's normal.


This, with dementia, she doesn't understand or remember.


It's called anosognosia - ancient Greek for "without knowledge of disease." People with dementia (and people with mental illness) are often cognitively unaware of their condition due to physiological damage to the brain. It's a lack of self-awareness. Their brain simply cannot process the fact that they have dementia.

My mom is 82 and in the moderate stages of Alzheimer's. She lived with us two and a half months, until it became unsustainable and we moved her into assisted living. Two months later, she had a pretty serious wandering incident so she was moved to the secure memory care wing of the facility. To this day she says there is nothing wrong with her and complains about having to live with "all these old sick people."


Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.

Op, is your mom on meds? Something like Aricept or were quell or both could help. You need to consult a psychiatrist, neurologist, geriatrician etc about meds that might help. They can improve mood.


What a cruel thing to say.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:36     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
My mom was living with us and her mental health got progressively worse to the point that she was literally destroying the house and assaulting family members. I took her to an emergency room where she settled down and had her transported to a memory care facility by private ambulance. After a couple of weeks, she improved so much that we moved her down the hall into independent/assisted living. Turns out that even though she was diagnosed with mild dementia, her anxiety/depression meds weren’t a good mix and once that was fixed, she was much better.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:26     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:Op, I do feel for you. I'm the original poster on the threat about the parent with Parkinson's. People on this board give excellent advice and are so kind!
Anyhow, my situation is different than yours in that we're not seeking memory care, but honestly I would just tell your mom, 'we're going on a family or business trip, mom, and I've arranged a nice place for you to stay while we're gone'. Or tell her it needs fumigating or floor refinishing, something like what the pp suggested. And I agree with others that she won't remember that , once she is settled in.


No. This is awful.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:26     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not accepting that she has dementia is part of having dementia. It's normal.


This, with dementia, she doesn't understand or remember.


It's called anosognosia - ancient Greek for "without knowledge of disease." People with dementia (and people with mental illness) are often cognitively unaware of their condition due to physiological damage to the brain. It's a lack of self-awareness. Their brain simply cannot process the fact that they have dementia.

My mom is 82 and in the moderate stages of Alzheimer's. She lived with us two and a half months, until it became unsustainable and we moved her into assisted living. Two months later, she had a pretty serious wandering incident so she was moved to the secure memory care wing of the facility. To this day she says there is nothing wrong with her and complains about having to live with "all these old sick people."


Well yeah, memory care is basically prison.

Op, is your mom on meds? Something like Aricept or were quell or both could help. You need to consult a psychiatrist, neurologist, geriatrician etc about meds that might help. They can improve mood.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 19:24     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Your mistake was moving her in with you instead of forcing the issue and making her go to an AL place.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 13:13     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Op, I do feel for you. I'm the original poster on the threat about the parent with Parkinson's. People on this board give excellent advice and are so kind!
Anyhow, my situation is different than yours in that we're not seeking memory care, but honestly I would just tell your mom, 'we're going on a family or business trip, mom, and I've arranged a nice place for you to stay while we're gone'. Or tell her it needs fumigating or floor refinishing, something like what the pp suggested. And I agree with others that she won't remember that , once she is settled in.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2024 12:32     Subject: moving mom to AL--she is in denial
Anonymous wrote:Make sure the AL also has a Memory Care she can move to when the time comes.


Yes you need this.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Try to remember that for her anger and confusion are combined. She is angry because she is confused. It's much easier to be kind to a confused person than an angry person.

But it's all very hard. Sending you peace as you figure this out.