You can't do all that on $170k from two earners in this area. We did have our wedding paid for by parents ($30k) and would have had a much smaller one if that wasn't an option. but house and daycare is on us. Current real estate market and day care costs are much more challenging than before so you're in a harder position than those before you with the same HHI. I have several coworkers that do ok on that HHI but with only one earner and they don't have day care costs or travel and homeschool so they can get more space foe their money house wise.

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid on 100K per year as a single Mom. I made it work just fine in my tiny apartment.

Same. I make around $81k. We live in a basement apartment of a very nice house in a nice neighborhood.

Skip the big wedding, go to the courthouse. Put savings towards right sized living arrangement and daycare.

When we got married 10 years ago we made $120k combined and felt pretty comfortable, but I’ll admit we had tons of family help. Tbh the big thing you can control is the big wedding expenses. But I’ll admit that this is a category of spending I just don’t get. Consider gathering your nearest and dearest and doing something small but memorable.

Things do change, too. Our earning has increased and we are now comfortable with 3 kids.

It's also OK to just have one kid. Each additional kid adds more expenses, with not a ton of economy of scale.

I would look over your budget and see what discretionary spending you can cut. I know the avocado toast thing is such a cliche but when my husband and I were saving for a house we barely ate out or traveled.

It sucks, especially since when your in wedding season of life where all your friends are getting married it gets expensive traveling to everyone's wedding (I am just old enough to have missed the trend for traveling bachelor/ette parties that cost thousands of dollars)

Anonymous wrote:We had our first on $140k 15 years ago but I wasn’t working. The mortgage on our 3br townhome was $1700/month and we drove 2 old cars and didn’t spend much at all on entertainment or travel.

+1. For a lot of years we lived on $140-170k. Granted I was mostly SAH so that cuts out the daycare expense. We still had to spend on preschool though.

The key is that there is never a "perfect" time. So just go for it, and you will figure it out. I remember when our kids were young, we were spending more on daycare than my BIL was spending on college (in state) for his kid. Even though it felt like there was never enough money, we always squeaked by.

We lived in a gross studio apartment for several years, spending as little as possible, to save up a down-payment. We shared a car. Then, after tears of saving, we bought a fixer upper. Then we had kids. We couldn't have purchased if we'd hadn't saved up a down-payment before daycare expenses.

Anonymous wrote:On $270k easily.

OP said combined on 170. Big difference, or typo?

You have a spending problem. Most families in DC make it on less.

I & DH have combined around 170k with 2 kids in dmv area. We have a townhouse, 2 cars, and 2 kids. Kids are a bit older now, but we still spend like $3700/month ($2k/month for daycare, $700 for before/after care, and $1k for classes) just kid expenses only. Summer camps costs additional $6k at least for older child. We make it work, and we still travel 1-2 times. We don't do much for 529 for kids, but we have $400k at least for 401k. Do everyone do Maryland 529? I live in Maryland, and I hear that Maryland 529 is scam.

We live further out
We live in a house that most on DCUM would claim is too small and dated
We don't wear designer/expensive clothes, have nice jewelry/handbags, etc.
We rarely eat out and never get snacks/coffee out
(Mostly) modest vacations especially when the kids were young. Driving instead of flying, camping instead of hotels, walking instead of taxis, etc.

we had our first 2 kids in our 2 bedroom rental. you don't need to own a SFH to have kids. 2 bedroom apartment is more than enough space for you and your first kid.

also, skip the wedding. it's just one day. sign the papers, get married, and have your first kid. you will figure out the rest as you go. but, at every point, you will nee to prioritize and figure out what matters and what doesn't. i know people who made much less than we do and still waisted the little money they had on stupid stuff and scams.

We were in a 1-BR co-op when DC1 was born and in a 2-BR co-op when DC2 was born (under $100k HHI in NYC). I was a SAHM mostly until DC2 went to kindergarten. We moved to a lower COL area. We currently live in a townhouse. We're content with how things have turned out and being "rich" was not a top priority.