Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend of over a decade expresses a genuine concern and Your response is to be mad and dump her.

Your BF of less than a year who has some major flags ( I say this as an introvert) also doesn't like your bestie, but you haven't told him she's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I know your type very well.

You're going to need your bestie in roughly 5 years, but you will have thrown her away for " the love of your life".

Good luck, you're going to need it.

+1. I was the best friend in this situation. Divorced in under 2 years.

+100 💯

Be careful. Tread lightly with bestie because, yea, you will need her on the other side.

Anonymous wrote:My best friend doesn’t like my boyfriend and it’s really getting to me. Her little comments and digs are driving me crazy. She’s a very close friend, and I want to keep the friendship, but I feel like she is not being a good friend. She had called him “ weird” multiple times.

My boyfriend can come off as rude unintentionally. He’s an introvert, soft-spoken, and quiet in big groups unless you speak to him first. He has a very reserved demeanor that I attribute to his military and law enforcement career. I didn’t like him at first until I got to know him.

We are in love and I plan to marry him. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon - hopefully never - and I don’t know how to get my friend to see this and back off.

I assume your boyfriend was the one who asked you out and hit on you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. I don’t think he’s rude. He can be perceived as rude because he is very quiet. He’s the person in a group of people that just silently will chill out as everyone else is talking or just observes the conversation. He’s quite shy unless he’s comfortable with you.

DP. There is a huge difference between being an introvert (crowds aren't energizing, need some solitude to recharge, etc.) and shy (anxiety, discomfort in social settings, etc). My DH is an introvert and would be perfectly fine staying home all the time. Yet, when we do go out, he easily meets people and can maintain his end of social interactions. My DH may have to gird himself for a party but few would suspect that he'd prefer not to go at all. Our youngest DS (now 18) is the same as DH and our oldest is 'shy'. A close friend has been married to a man for 20+ years who is shy as is their young adult DS who we've known since ES. Your BF sounds 'shy', not like an introvert.

I have seen how being 'shy' can be perceived as rude. As a PP said, active listeners, even if they aren't speaking much, are not perceived as rude. I think your best friend may not be able to articulate what she's seeing but you should reflect on your BF's behaviors and why people perceive him they way they do. Unless your best friend really is jealous (have there been other indicators of this or just with your current BF?), your relationship with your BF probably won't stand the test of time, especially if you're an extrovert. My marriage works beause my DH can engage with people. Doesn't sound like your BF can and that will take a huge toll over time.

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

PLUS A MILLION!

I think your boyfriend has something that makes people uncomfortable.
You have to figure out if it’s happening with more people and take it as a red flag.
Introduce him with your relatives and see what they think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. Cold is a better word to use than rude. He’s very polite and respectful but she has said the fact that he never talks to her unless she speaks is rude. He will greet her but he just sort of is in the background of most conversations unless it’s something he knows a lot about. Then he’s a big talker.

Sounds like your best friend is an insecure extrovert. As an introvert, I love driving those people crazy with my listening skills.

If you are active listener people are not annoyed, because you seem interested.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want to ruin my friendship because we have been best friends for over a decade but my bf isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want it to be a point of contention.

He has voiced that he finds her a bit dramatic at times and nosey but he likes her.

I have been with Dh for over 20 years. I have 3 kids now. Dh and I have many separate friendships. I have friends I hang out with alone that Dh doesn’t especially care for and I’m glad to get alone time with. I have also gotten closer and drifted apart from some friends whose husbands either get alone or don’t get along.

One of my closest girlfriends had a boyfriend/husband who never liked Dh. He and i got along fine when they were dating. We are no longer friends a decade later. I have other friends whose husbands don’t really like or know one another and friendship is in tact. I get to see friend. Sometimes I see the husband. This is what happens when people start settling down.

I have a childhood friend whose boyfriend is definitely quirky and socially awkward. He is kind of rude and I don’t really care for him. I thought my friend could do a lot better. We don’t hang out anymore but it is because we both moved. You don’t need your friends to all think your boyfriend/husband is great as long as you do. Just from your description, I would kind of think your boyfriend is a dud. I wouldn’t say that in real life. Your best friend is close enough to you to say it.

listen to your friend.
you are too wrapped up in emotion where she is not.
if she didn't care she would not have said anything.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend of over a decade expresses a genuine concern and Your response is to be mad and dump her.

Your BF of less than a year who has some major flags ( I say this as an introvert) also doesn't like your bestie, but you haven't told him she's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I know your type very well.

You're going to need your bestie in roughly 5 years, but you will have thrown her away for " the love of your life".

Good luck, you're going to need it.

+1. I was the best friend in this situation. Divorced in under 2 years.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend of over a decade expresses a genuine concern and Your response is to be mad and dump her.

Your BF of less than a year who has some major flags ( I say this as an introvert) also doesn't like your bestie, but you haven't told him she's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I know your type very well.

You're going to need your bestie in roughly 5 years, but you will have thrown her away for " the love of your life".

Good luck, you're going to need it.

What major flags does her boyfriend show?

Anonymous wrote:Your friend of over a decade expresses a genuine concern and Your response is to be mad and dump her.

Your BF of less than a year who has some major flags ( I say this as an introvert) also doesn't like your bestie, but you haven't told him she's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I know your type very well.

You're going to need your bestie in roughly 5 years, but you will have thrown her away for " the love of your life".

Good luck, you're going to need it.

Hi best friend! 👋

My husband is similar to your bf OP. They make great husbands!

I mean this is just a crap thing that happens sometimes. Its chicks before d*cks until you meet the guy who becomes your family and then its your family before anything else.

Your friend is either misjudging the situation (ie, doesn't think you'll marry and she can wait this out) or she doesn't understand what it feels like when you're on the other side of this divide. Regardless, this is kind of on her. You should tell her it bothers you, but she's either going to change or she's not. And you're not going to blow up the relationship that you believe is the one over this so either she'll turn it around or your friendship will fade as this drives a wedge that will become impossible to overcome. And to be clear there's not much YOU can do to prevent that. You will resent her if she causes a breakup or if she refuses to let you be open about that part of your life, even if you want to go out of your way to make the friendship better.

Lots of people lose friends this way! It sucks, and its why I personally never talk crap about my friend's significant others unless there is some like, REAL big concern.

Your friend of over a decade expresses a genuine concern and Your response is to be mad and dump her.

Your BF of less than a year who has some major flags ( I say this as an introvert) also doesn't like your bestie, but you haven't told him she's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I know your type very well.

You're going to need your bestie in roughly 5 years, but you will have thrown her away for " the love of your life".

Good luck, you're going to need it.

So your passive aggressive "friend" is trying to sabotage your relationship with who you plan to marry?!
I know who I'd dump and its not your fiance.

She’s jealous.