Anonymous
Post 03/29/2024 23:43     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
Anonymous wrote:Divorce.


Plain + simple OP.

Easy peasy. 😃
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 17:38     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any chance there is undiagnosed ADD? Depression? Are both of his parents functional? Is their home well run? What is his work history like?


Bingo, he does have depression and anxiety. And ASD. This came out all after marriage and kid. I've really lowered my expectations but sometimes it's all too much.


I'd be really pragmatic. Is it better for kids to live in one home with more economic resources? Then think of it as co-parenting under one roof.

If there is enough money for 2 middle class homes and you think he could remain gainfully employed without coaching re: clothes and behavior, then think through splitting now.

Otherwise, get emotional needs met by friends and extended family and hire help/outsource as you are able to.

What you learn re: his challenges can also help your kid(s)...
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:37     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
You have to just let go of changing anything about him and then decide if you want to stay married and work around it or if it’s going to break you and you’d rather be divorced.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:36     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
If you're letting a spouse fail, I recommend waiting until the stage where a kid being ignored for a few hours just means extra TV and snacks.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:32     Subject: Re:Spouse just sits there when I do everything
^ so I checked out about 2 years ago. I don’t give a fkkk anymore. Tired of getting reprimanded. Nothing anyone does is good enough.

I’m jealous of my senior that gets to go away to school next year.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:30     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it is just ADD and depression, meds can help, along with executive function coaching.


He's already on so much medication. Do you know any exec function coaches for adults in the area?


You really need to let him fail. You're not giving him the space to grow if you're trying to find him a coach. Lol.


It’s impossible to live with someone who is wound tight and hypercritical of every household chore.

My kids and I walk on friggin eggshells because my husband is a control freak who flips out over every minor thing related to household chores. The way someone ran the machine when it wasn’t full or the way somebody left a piece of clothing once on the bathroom floor (teen boys). It is so stressful for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:22     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
Anonymous wrote:Does he have long term friendships and a social life? Is he successful and getting promotions at work? If either of these is true, I'd think it is more of a relationship issue.

Or is he more of a lump, a gamer, etc., and if his family are similar, hoard, are underemployed, etc., I'd suspect mental illness &/or neurodiversity. Approaching this as a relationship issue will not improve things. Targeted help and meds may. Particularly true if kids may have similar traits. If mental illness, the NAMI family to family course is free and online so can be done when it fits your schedule. If DH has any time of impairments re: mood or executive functions, targeted help will help not only him and marriage but family and kids.


Does he have long term friendships and a social life? No
Is he successful and getting promotions at work? No but his income is fine. Sometimes i have to tell him to shower and dress appropriately before work.

Yes he has mental illness and neurodiversity.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2024 16:22     Subject: Spouse just sits there when I do everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any chance there is undiagnosed ADD? Depression? Are both of his parents functional? Is their home well run? What is his work history like?


Bingo, he does have depression and anxiety. And ASD. This came out all after marriage and kid. I've really lowered my expectations but sometimes it's all too much.


Ugh, get targeted therapy to coping with this.
Outsource as much as possible.
Send him to work to make as much money as possible for as long as possible.
His cognitive abilities will get worse over time so you’ll be lucky if he works fulltime past age 50.