Push him to the limit

Anonymous wrote:He is a 2nd grader. He just plays all day and night. He is taking swimming, basketball and soccer classes, but he never practices unless I am mad and push him. He is interested in math and chess, and he has potential to be better at it and go into tournament. He chooses not to spend time on them unless I push him to do so. He has a membership at an outside school chess club that I have to push him to go once in a while. Once he is at chess club in person or he is working on math questions, he has fun and he can spend hours on them. He is a good reader, same thing that he never reads book. Once I force him, he can spend hours reading book if he finds one that he is interested.

All of his free time is staying home watching youtube and screentime. His summer is being outdoor camps daily for 10 weeks doing multi-sports, running around and soccer. He has a ton of mental & physical energy to burn. How do I make him to do this or that on his own without me pushing or reminding him? I want him to enjoy being a kid playing around, but I don't like it when he does nothing. I spend a few thousands on those chess/math enrichment membership & swim/soccer/basketball classes that he loves every single year, and I want him to spend time on practices as well.

That's your issue. Kids have to have free time to be bored to learn how to entertain themselves without classes and screens. He likes activities because someone else is instructing him on what to do and when left alone he relies on screens. He doesn't want to practice because he may not be genuinely interested. You need to cut back on the activities and let him get bored. Just because a kid needs a lot of physical activity doesn't mean they need to play organized sports all day. It can also mean playing on a playground or kicking a ball with friends or riding their bikes. I'm not saying limit all activities but figure out the ones he truly enjoys and then focus on teaching him to play. Things like Legos, gravitrax, snap circuits, riding scooters and bikes, drawing, etc.

Is there a way you could incentivize him to practice instead of pushing him to do it? For example, this summer sign him up for the library's summer reading program. I loved the summer reading program when I was a kid, and it really drove me to read more.

Could you play chess (or another board game that develops mathematic thinking) with him? That way it's a game, not a chore.

Definitely take away the screens. I'm so glad I grew up at a time when kids didn't have the option of going online all the time--I had way more fun playing outside in the dirt than I ever could have had watching stupid tiktok videos.

Stop pushing him or nagging him to practice. Let him be a 2nd grader. Cut screen time and let him play.

Ban screens more free time says broken record

Ban screens, cut down the activities to 2

That is a lot of activities. It might be easier to focus efforts on one or two.

Agree with those that say ban screens. Don’t make it something you have to manage, just remove the option entirely and he’ll find other things to do.

You’re needlessly pushing. The kids who do the chess tournaments are the ones who remind their mother that it’s chess time. Your son is not that into it. Maybe at a later date. Maybe not.

As for the sports he doesn’t have to practice outside of class.

Anonymous wrote:If YouTube is his favorite activity that’s your problem. No screens for a month - not as a punishment for him, but as a lifestyle change for your family. Don’t sit around on your phone either.

You too!

If YouTube is his favorite activity that’s your problem. No screens for a month - not as a punishment for him, but as a lifestyle change for your family. Don’t sit around on your phone either.

Anonymous wrote:He is a 2nd grader. He just plays all day and night. He is taking swimming, basketball and soccer classes, but he never practices unless I am mad and push him. He is interested in math and chess, and he has potential to be better at it and go into tournament. He chooses not to spend time on them unless I push him to do so. He has a membership at an outside school chess club that I have to push him to go once in a while. Once he is at chess club in person or he is working on math questions, he has fun and he can spend hours on them. He is a good reader, same thing that he never reads book. Once I force him, he can spend hours reading book if he finds one that he is interested.

All of his free time is staying home watching youtube and screentime. His summer is being outdoor camps daily for 10 weeks doing multi-sports, running around and soccer. He has a ton of mental & physical energy to burn. How do I make him to do this or that on his own without me pushing or reminding him? I want him to enjoy being a kid playing around, but I don't like it when he does nothing. I spend a few thousands on those chess/math enrichment membership & swim/soccer/basketball classes that he loves every single year, and I want him to spend time on practices as well.

Your expectations would have made sense if he was about 14 to 16. But he is 7 to 8. While I understand where you are coming from, your expectations are unrealistic.

You'll be amazed how quickly he will turn to other things if you limit the screentime. That's why he has toys and books and paper to draw on, etc. Yes, you're tired: I totally get it, and I feel the same way! Give him 30 minutes per day, and then after that it's books or art or Legos or taking turns with playdates at a neighbor's who also agrees to no extra screens. For things you want him to practice/study/repeat, 10 minutes per day on the thing, with a timer running and your full attention during that time. He'll look forward to whatever it is if you're participating and cheering him on or providing an audience. But more than about 2 such things per day will lose all meaning: maybe one before school and one afterwards. If he's not reading much on his own for fun, you might be able to jump-start that with some reading at bedtime until it becomes a habit.

In other words, you'll need to invest some of your time up front in order to help him become more independent / more self-entertaining without screens, but it will be totally worth it. Expecting him to practice or improve skills on his own, however, even with assignment from you, is as much personality as it is maturity. My DC9 will only now practice one thing of great interest of their own accord, although without any of the necessary skill or discipline to self-evaluate and improve: I have to be part of that. We can't make them be driven, especially at this young age, and we can't make type B personalities into type A ones, either.

OMG he's 7. He doesn't need to find his lifetime hobbies or have intrinsic internal motivation to WORK HARD at something at this age. You don't have to spend thousands, and you probably should limit screens, but it is unrealistic to think that he will independently entertain himself by doing skill-building practice on his own if not watching YouTube.

When my oldest was 7, he really liked drawing pictures of Transformers, reading graphic novels about dragons, and smashing rocks outdoors with other rocks. (Yes we made him wear protective gear.) Just saying.

Ban screentime. There will be a lot of whining, initially, but he will start doing other things.