Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

If you are not a troll you sound like you have narcissistic tendencies, OP.

Your focus on external validation and exclusivity may be why you feel so empty? Value the people around you and cultivate humility. That would put you in an "exclusive" group, but not one you can brag about at cocktail parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Why does anyone ever post with a question if this is the kind of response?

OP, I found a group to be a part of after 50. I've volunteered for World Central Kitchen and other immigration groups. These are definitely bonding experiences with a group of people who feel passionate about the work. To be honest, it's physically and emotionally taxing.

You can find your thing. It is definitely not too late! Good for you for not just running out the clock on the last 30-40 years of your life. Good luck!

OP wrote she wanted to be part of an exclusive group. Basically, hoist herself into a certain sphere without doing any of the prep or hard work. She literally mentioned the military, college athletes and MLB. Do you really think humble volunteering is what she's after? Don't you think she'd have started by now, without the help of DCUM, if all she was after was human connection while giving back to her community?

OP is a ridiculous social climber, that's all.

I already said I'm a GAL. Don't accuse me of not wanting to do hard work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Why does anyone ever post with a question if this is the kind of response?

OP, I found a group to be a part of after 50. I've volunteered for World Central Kitchen and other immigration groups. These are definitely bonding experiences with a group of people who feel passionate about the work. To be honest, it's physically and emotionally taxing.

You can find your thing. It is definitely not too late! Good for you for not just running out the clock on the last 30-40 years of your life. Good luck!

OP wrote she wanted to be part of an exclusive group. Basically, hoist herself into a certain sphere without doing any of the prep or hard work. She literally mentioned the military, college athletes and MLB. Do you really think humble volunteering is what she's after? Don't you think she'd have started by now, without the help of DCUM, if all she was after was human connection while giving back to her community?

OP is a ridiculous social climber, that's all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

OF COURSE there is. Get involved in the effort to secure a free and fair election in November 2024. This is going to be Civics 101 in some places and may involve near-street-warfare in others, and nobody knows which is which. You will have friends for life. Also, hopefully, a democracy still standing.

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Why does anyone ever post with a question if this is the kind of response?

OP, I found a group to be a part of after 50. I've volunteered for World Central Kitchen and other immigration groups. These are definitely bonding experiences with a group of people who feel passionate about the work. To be honest, it's physically and emotionally taxing.

You can find your thing. It is definitely not too late! Good for you for not just running out the clock on the last 30-40 years of your life. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Wow - tough and mean crowd today. I think OP should spend some time each week researching opportunities, see what resonates, and take the first step. It may take some trial and error. 50 is not too old. Didn't Jimmy Carter's mother Lillian join the Peace Corps very late in life?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

No, we're clearly getting the message that the usual volunteering circuit is beneath you and that you "want to be part of an exclusive community"! You realize that you cited extremely challenging professions - military, major league baseball and college athletics - none of which are accessible to you at this time?

You seem to suffer from delusions of grandeur. I know people in middle age who have embarked on marvelous adventures (sailing around the world, climbing the world's highest peaks, starting an entirely new career), but these people had a goal centered around a passion. They knew what they wanted, fundraised, prepared for years. They didn't expend considerable energy and effort doing what they did "to be part of something larger than themselves". Their focus was narrow and intense.

You're not going anywhere with that attitude.

I never said it was beneath me. I said it's not something that will fill this particular need - I've already been a GAL in three different states!

Anonymous wrote:Run for congress.

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

OF COURSE there is. Get involved in the effort to secure a free and fair election in November 2024. This is going to be Civics 101 in some places and may involve near-street-warfare in others, and nobody knows which is which. You will have friends for life. Also, hopefully, a democracy still standing.