This is a pipe dream. Phones are simply part of our lives. There are pros and cons. But there is no way to eliminate it.

You simply can’t win-if you keep your child from having a smartphone like their peers-they end up in therapy because they felt less than and ridiculed by peers for not fitting in. They have a cellphone and have depression because they feel they will never live up to everyone else portrayed on social medial and end up for therapy for that.

It is what it is. But frankly, I’d rather my child have a smartphone in an emergency.

Anonymous wrote:But just like cigarette smoking in the 70s/80s, kids are not idiots and pick up on hypocrisy. My kids don’t have social media— but neither do I.

You are using it right now boo

Phones and social media are ruining adults so I can only imagine what it is doing to kids. But my toddler has an ipad soooo…nevermind me.

The people saying "it's not the phones, it's social media/lazy parenting/lax schools/etc." -- do you ever think about your relationship with your phone?

Over the last few years I've been thinking hard about this both as a parent (my kid is in early elementary and doesn't have a phone or a tablet but an alarming number of her classmates have one or both) but also as a person. The more I think about it, the more I think the intimacy of handheld devices is a problem in and of itself, and one that has been made exponentially worse by the advent of the smart phone, app-based interfaces, and of course, social media.

You block out the world. Think of the time you spend clutching your phone on the metro, in the doctor's waiting room, sitting on a bench at the playground, as a way to avoid eye contact with people on the street. Holding your phone on the couch while you watch TV. In bed while your partner does the same next to you. Really think about how much time you spend looking at that little screen, poking at it, looking for information, distraction, cheering up, validation.

And it's not just social media because guess what, I got rid of all the social media on my phone (including DCUM -- I'm typing this on my laptop right now) and I still have what I consider to be an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I browse the internet, play games, shop. I read the news, check the weather. Email, text, group chats. Even without social media, my phone is too important to me.

I increasingly want to get rid of it. No more smart phone. A dumb phone where I could call and text but nothing else maybe. I could make the adjustment for work -- I WFH so I can rely on my laptop for email.

I don't want my kid to live like this. There is something wrong with it. And it's not just about social media (though social media is horrible, for sure).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

Some of it is that, sure.

But some of it is just what the constant digital interaction is doing to the way the brain is wired and functions, even if kids aren't on social media but use the phone for texting and gaming and such.

I'm so glad I didn't grow up in this time.

I am 45. When I was this age, I was on the home phone unless my parents needed it and I had an NES that I gamed on. I think I grew up ok.

I'm not naive to the issue surrounding phones and of course social media, but you sound ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But just like cigarette smoking in the 70s/80s, kids are not idiots and pick up on hypocrisy. My kids don’t have social media— but neither do I.

PP above you. Same. My wife and I don't have it either, so it's much less of a conflict.

This is absolutely the only way you have a prayer of gaining your kids respect and have a chance of them following your rules about social media. I’ve been in the corporate world being pressured to get on things like LinkedIn, etc. for 20 years and I refuse. Both my husband and I have zero, I mean zero, social media. I never even created a Napster account back in the day. Never made sense to me to put my personal information online, and when our children were born, we never wanted pictures posted of our children on any form that we didn’t have 100% control over. When it comes to digital sharing, you have no ability to have 100% control over it. We drilled this into our kids at young age, and while they are digital users and watch YouTube and all the things, they will never have social media, and they will never put their personal information or pictures of themselves online, ever. If you want your kids to wait until they are 18, you must immediately shut down all your social media, tell them why, and stay the course until they are legal adults. Then they can do what they want but at least you did your part! If you have social media yourself, you are a part of the problem and you have absolutely no right to complain about your kids use of it.

Anonymous wrote:But just like cigarette smoking in the 70s/80s, kids are not idiots and pick up on hypocrisy. My kids don’t have social media— but neither do I.

PP above you. Same. My wife and I don't have it either, so it's much less of a conflict.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

This is so true! I got my first cell phone in 4th grade, as did most of my peers. We turned out fine, because phones didn't have Internet access or social media apps back in 2005!

This is OP and this just makes me feel old haha. I got my first phone my freshman year of college. I can't even imagine having a phone in 4th grade! My 3rd grader definitely won't have a phone next year.

I'll show you old - I got my first phone when I was 24 - a couple of months after 9/11.

But just like cigarette smoking in the 70s/80s, kids are not idiots and pick up on hypocrisy. My kids don’t have social media— but neither do I.

Anonymous wrote:How many threads on here with parents asking when the last minute is they can give their kids phones and the answer invariably becomes “your kids will not have any social life without their own phone.”

It is the parents making these choices and then rationalizing them.

^This. The contrary is easily shown. But then the same parents say, well, if your teen doesn't have a phone she's a loser and an outcast, or you must be Catholic/Amish/Hasidic, etc. No. The phone thing is an "opt-in" situation. You don't actually have to do it. It is the cigarette smoking of our age.

People are delusional and are rationalizing the choices they made to look the other way.


Phones have (maybe permanently?) disrupted neural pathways and receptors.

No one ever regrets have strict rules on phi or use. The key is that everyone must do it together.

Just like you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes; you should be 18 to use social media.

Never happening, but it’s what ought to happen if we had any sense as a country.

How many threads on here with parents asking when the last minute is they can give their kids phones and the answer invariably becomes “your kids will not have any social life without their own phone.”

It is the parents making these choices and then rationalizing them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

This is so true! I got my first cell phone in 4th grade, as did most of my peers. We turned out fine, because phones didn't have Internet access or social media apps back in 2005!

This is OP and this just makes me feel old haha. I got my first phone my freshman year of college. I can't even imagine having a phone in 4th grade! My 3rd grader definitely won't have a phone next year.

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

This is so true! I got my first cell phone in 4th grade, as did most of my peers. We turned out fine, because phones didn't have Internet access or social media apps back in 2005!

Anonymous wrote:Screens and sugar and junk food need to be banned for all children under the age of 18.

Listen, my kid is not getting a smart phone until she is 18 and pays for it herself... but keep your filthy hands off my oreos.