You could do what my MIL did but I would not recommend it. That is, literally leave the state and order your eldest child to drive him to court and sit through his sentencing with his ex wife on the other side of the courtroom and act like this as normal of a chore as cleaning your room.

In all seriousness, I’m so sorry. I hope you can all move soon and get yourself and your kids out of this situation.

Melania, is that you?

I'm sending you supportive thoughts, OP. ou are definitely a good parent for supporting your spouse given that you don't believe they've done what they've been accused of. Your children will be grateful for your stance one day, I'm sure.

If I were you I would definitely allow myself to disassociate and just play the "role" I'm supposed to play during the day and then practice radical self-care at night. Feel free to vent here. I'll come back and check this thread a couple of times to make sure you're okay.

So sorry OP, this sounds incredibly stressful. The only caveat I would add to this is that if this is a sexual assault trial, I would have serious misgivings about being pressured by anybody to do anything for the sake of appearances. You are not on trial. I appreciate you not sharing the details and I’m not asking, but just putting that out there. You mentioned that you believe your husband is innocent which is good. When I watched Danny Masterson‘s trial or when I see RFK Jr and I see their spouses, I honestly think those women are delusional or have just been bullied/pressured.

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. Sending you wishes of strength. You are a good mom. If you truly believe in his innocence, then you are doing the right thing even if you plan to divorce him as soon as the trial concludes. Stick to your healthy eating plan and exercise and try to meditate for peace of mind. Fill any idle time with maki g your kid's life great - doing fun activities with them because obviously this is taking a toll on them as well as you know.

Your post is so kind that I cried tears of relief for a change. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you are going through this. Make sure to have an excellent therapist and people you can lean on as support. Ask for help from trusted confidantes.

Good luck.

Rationally, I agree with you, but I’ve been too afraid to confide in anyone, even a professional therapist legally bound by patient confidentiality. I will certainly seek help as soon as the trial concludes.

Do people not know? I don't see how you'd hide this from them. Confide in a close friend or two and definitely get a therapist!

I'm sure she doesn't want to let details slip out that may be relevant to the case.

Good luck, OP. Sending you wishes of strength. You are a good mom. If you truly believe in his innocence, then you are doing the right thing even if you plan to divorce him as soon as the trial concludes. Stick to your healthy eating plan and exercise and try to meditate for peace of mind. Fill any idle time with maki g your kid's life great - doing fun activities with them because obviously this is taking a toll on them as well as you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you are going through this. Make sure to have an excellent therapist and people you can lean on as support. Ask for help from trusted confidantes.

Good luck.

Rationally, I agree with you, but I’ve been too afraid to confide in anyone, even a professional therapist legally bound by patient confidentiality. I will certainly seek help as soon as the trial concludes.

Do people not know? I don't see how you'd hide this from them. Confide in a close friend or two and definitely get a therapist!

My apologies to those who have asked about the case, but I can’t answer. I can say, however, that I truly don’t believe spouse is guilty of what they’re being accused of. Regardless, I do not wish to be married to them any longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice is always the same: pretend you're on a reality tv show, and come the reunion with Andy Cohen, you want to come off well. You don't want to have to struggle to answer why you lost your cool, or why you did or didn't do/say something. You want to come off as the accidental hero that makes other people think "I wish I could keep my composure and be that good an example for my kids!"

This is great advice. Dissociate a little and focus on how you want to see yourself when you look back on this situation in a year or two. That kept me sane post-divorce when ex-H was acting erratic and being unkind.

Thank you to both PPs. I have indeed felt like an actor for the past 2 years, while providing more support to my spouse than they rightly deserve and accepting the brunt of their frustrations with the case against them. I’ve made it this far and the trial is only a few weeks away - I just need a final surge of strength.

Yes, you've made it this far. Start planning (in your head) what you will do after the trial. Perhaps a solo vacation to look forward to?

And ask Jeff to delete this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you need to be present in court or can you avoid?

Legal team insists I be present to show jury that spouse has my “utmost faith and support.” For DC’s sake, I agree with them.

I was a juror on a murder case once and I thought the “stand by your (wo)man” tactic of the spouse made the spouse look pathetic. FWIW.

yeah I don't think this is the lesson you want to teach DC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you need to be present in court or can you avoid?

Legal team insists I be present to show jury that spouse has my “utmost faith and support.” For DC’s sake, I agree with them.

Do you actually think the spouse did what they were accused of? Is that why you're divorcing?

I'm not sure supporting your spouse through the trial if he/she did something absolutely horrific is necessarily good for the child or you.

Anonymous wrote:Do you need to be present in court or can you avoid?

Legal team insists I be present to show jury that spouse has my “utmost faith and support.” For DC’s sake, I agree with them.

Give it your best courtroom Maureen Dean. Smart pantsuits and hats. Demure smile.