So woman should not take an opportunity to advance her career if it means giving up some flexibility because her husband shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack? WTF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

It really doesn’t get much better with older kids unless you subject them to an 80s style latch key childhood.

I was coming to say this. I have a high schooler and middle schooler and I'm on the road every afternoon/evening giving rides to and from the mall/sports/friends etc. It's great to be able to plan and prep dinner before I head out for my daily driving duties. It would be impossible to manage if I were working in an office regularly. It would take a whole lot for me to give up my flexibility right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Your kids are still young. The difference between $315 and $375 is below the noise level after taxes. So I wouldn’t do it for the money. I would only do it if it is something you think you will gaiin a lot from in terms of interest, experience, and future opportunities. From a lifestyle perspective it wouldn’t be worth it.

$50k is noise on DCUM. My parents live off $50k…

Your parents aren’t paying the marginal tax rate op’s household is paying. They would net much less than the $60 difference

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Your kids are still young. The difference between $315 and $375 is below the noise level after taxes. So I wouldn’t do it for the money. I would only do it if it is something you think you will gaiin a lot from in terms of interest, experience, and future opportunities. From a lifestyle perspective it wouldn’t be worth it.

$50k is noise on DCUM. My parents live off $50k…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

This is honestly my biggest fear. When we talked about it, he said we would have to hire a nanny. I was like… or you could do more? That had apparently not crossed his mind.

You say breezily that he will go part time (by switching jobs?) but that is not a small change, carries its own risks, and he is not on board. Plus you have two parents switching into new jobs at the same time—not ideal. You are a little wishful/naive if you think you can do this without a lot more household help. I do not understand how you do all the kid driving now while traveling and working nights. It doesn’t add up…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Your kids are still young. The difference between $315 and $375 is below the noise level after taxes. So I wouldn’t do it for the money. I would only do it if it is something you think you will gaiin a lot from in terms of interest, experience, and future opportunities. From a lifestyle perspective it wouldn’t be worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

This is honestly my biggest fear. When we talked about it, he said we would have to hire a nanny. I was like… or you could do more? That had apparently not crossed his mind.

Eek yeah that isn't very hopeful op. It sounds like what will probably end up happening is you will have more on your plate at work and still the same at home (or your increased salary will be eaten up by nanny costs). I wonder if this unevenness in coparenting is partly why you're feeling the urge to do this - it was notable that you said "want permission to put myself first" - it sounds like things have been uneven for awhile and that is understandably taxing and frustrating. This feels like an opportunity to even things out a little more. You get to do something exciting and your husband has to become more 50/50. I would just make sure that is really going to happen and that this isn't going to add a lot of stress.

It sounds like you think you need to leave this current job eventually either way, so it probably makes sense to take it if it will bring a lot of future opportunity. But the compensation doesn't seem that significant of a change to me given the change in benefits (increased cost of healthcare and retirement match). So I would mostly call that a wash. For me the decision is really more of a long term one if you think this is truly a fantastic fit for you and will be for future opportunities. If so, then go for it. But get your husband more on board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

This is honestly my biggest fear. When we talked about it, he said we would have to hire a nanny. I was like… or you could do more? That had apparently not crossed his mind.

What is his career — could it be flexible? It’s somewhat harder for men to daddy track, it hurts their career even more than women because it is not the norm and paints a target on their back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

That is a good comp bump, but you have to accept you would be more absent from children’s life going forward.

Are you the DW? Though a DH can step up and do a lot of kid wrangling, there will be some exclusion from other parents if he is primary, but that ages out in middle school when kids call the shots so should be manageable.

Seems pretty worth it with that caveat — and could you speak to how much vacation you lose and why job security is so much riskier?

Leave would go from unlimited to the standard 20 days. Job security is just what it always is - what if I’m not great at it?

That’s actually better leave. 20 days of vacation is almost like a Fed. How much sick leave?

So job security is in truth fairly comparable, it’s just the transition risk, gotcha.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

This is honestly my biggest fear. When we talked about it, he said we would have to hire a nanny. I was like… or you could do more? That had apparently not crossed his mind.

So you will earn $75k more to pay $50k after tax to the nanny.

I guess for eventual career advancement it’s a worthwhile plan… assuming you don’t get laid off in 10 years when you can let the nanny go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

That is a good comp bump, but you have to accept you would be more absent from children’s life going forward.

Are you the DW? Though a DH can step up and do a lot of kid wrangling, there will be some exclusion from other parents if he is primary, but that ages out in middle school when kids call the shots so should be manageable.

Seems pretty worth it with that caveat — and could you speak to how much vacation you lose and why job security is so much riskier?

Leave would go from unlimited to the standard 20 days. Job security is just what it always is - what if I’m not great at it?

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

This is honestly my biggest fear. When we talked about it, he said we would have to hire a nanny. I was like… or you could do more? That had apparently not crossed his mind.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

Haha, yeah the modern dad will “step up” now — WTF has he been doing now? Does he make more than you??

Honestly, with the additional info, I switch my vote to no. Your kids are young still. Four days a week in the office plus travel means you will see them a ton less. You have “been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring” (why??) but now your spouse is going to be super flexible and do it all? It seems wishful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

It really doesn’t get much better with older kids unless you subject them to an 80s style latch key childhood.

There really needs to be a flexible primary parent, or you hire a driving nanny for $50k/year or live near grandparents.