Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In most cases, kids do what they want once they are 16, especially if they have a car. I read about forced visitation until 18 but never saw it play that way in real life. Most people are unwilling to go to court to force a 16 + year-old to spend time with them, as the result is typically counterproductive.

Court orders are till age 18 or graduation from high school. You failed as a parent if you let your kids do what every they want except if you are behind stopping visits, which is pretty common.

Are you the same poster who a few months back saying a mom should physically force her 6ft son into a car and drive him to his dads?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is going on 16 and has, in passing, mentioned not seeing his father on weekends. He currently goes every weekend.

Is this pretty much par the course? I assumed 18, but maybe that's a bit late.

If he just mentioned in passing, I wouldn't read into it much. However, I can't think of a single time forced visitation leads to good things, especially after a certain age. If he mentions it again, see if dad would be open to a more informal schedule with DS.

Yes visitation is important. Moms can hold vengeance even if they caused the divorce. No good can come from taking away a parent. There is no abuse or neglect, just different parenting. You don’t think losing a parent unnecessarily impacts a child.

But why forced to? And how do you know there's no abuse or neglect? You're making a random post about you.

Sorry your kids don't want to see you, but judging how you're all up on this forum, you seem controlling and emotionally abusive. I get that it's easy to blame the mom for your shortcomings, but I bet you believe you played no part in why your kids stopped seeing you.

Anonymous wrote:In most cases, kids do what they want once they are 16, especially if they have a car. I read about forced visitation until 18 but never saw it play that way in real life. Most people are unwilling to go to court to force a 16 + year-old to spend time with them, as the result is typically counterproductive.

Court orders are till age 18 or graduation from high school. You failed as a parent if you let your kids do what every they want except if you are behind stopping visits, which is pretty common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Yes, I think a relationship with both parents is important too. But, I recognize that the quality of the relationship and the degree to which it involves the parent and child being physically dependent on how the parent invests in the relationship. (and I don't mean a monetary investment)

My DCs chose to see less and less of their father because of choices he made. He did not make the investment of his time, attention, support and personal sacrifice for their benefit, and, as they grew older, they realized that and set boundaries.

Many men want to believe that the lack of a relationship is due to some kind of alienation by the spouse. They think they are entitled to a certain kind of relationship by virtue of being a birth parent, and they prefer to blame the spouse than self-examine their parenting and adjust. Yes, women can do this too.

You seem to hate men and will look for any excuse to slam them. Ever stop and think he knew you didn't support the relationship or shared parenting and he gave up fighting as there was no point as no matter how hard he tried, you will find ways to sabotage it. What self-reflection have you done to see the role you play/played in all this? It's easy to blame him but it took both of you to create this situation and it will take both of you for your child to have a relationship with him. It's not healthy for a child to lose their parent, especially due to the selfishness of the other parent who will use any excuse to terminate the relationship. A marginal parent is still better than no parent.

DP. Says the sad MRAer who sits in here 24-7 spreading their miserable hatred of women. Newsflash, you are the common denominator; the problem is you. MRA Reddit would be a much more welcoming place for you.

Ironic you are making up stuff about others while assuming every father is a bad parent and every mother is a good parent while advocating to terminate a relationship between and and his kids. Ever stop to think the long term harm you are doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Yes, I think a relationship with both parents is important too. But, I recognize that the quality of the relationship and the degree to which it involves the parent and child being physically dependent on how the parent invests in the relationship. (and I don't mean a monetary investment)

My DCs chose to see less and less of their father because of choices he made. He did not make the investment of his time, attention, support and personal sacrifice for their benefit, and, as they grew older, they realized that and set boundaries.

Many men want to believe that the lack of a relationship is due to some kind of alienation by the spouse. They think they are entitled to a certain kind of relationship by virtue of being a birth parent, and they prefer to blame the spouse than self-examine their parenting and adjust. Yes, women can do this too.

You seem to hate men and will look for any excuse to slam them. Ever stop and think he knew you didn't support the relationship or shared parenting and he gave up fighting as there was no point as no matter how hard he tried, you will find ways to sabotage it. What self-reflection have you done to see the role you play/played in all this? It's easy to blame him but it took both of you to create this situation and it will take both of you for your child to have a relationship with him. It's not healthy for a child to lose their parent, especially due to the selfishness of the other parent who will use any excuse to terminate the relationship. A marginal parent is still better than no parent.

DP. Says the sad MRAer who sits in here 24-7 spreading their miserable hatred of women. Newsflash, you are the common denominator; the problem is you. MRA Reddit would be a much more welcoming place for you.

In most cases, kids do what they want once they are 16, especially if they have a car. I read about forced visitation until 18 but never saw it play that way in real life. Most people are unwilling to go to court to force a 16 + year-old to spend time with them, as the result is typically counterproductive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is going on 16 and has, in passing, mentioned not seeing his father on weekends. He currently goes every weekend.

Is this pretty much par the course? I assumed 18, but maybe that's a bit late.

If he just mentioned in passing, I wouldn't read into it much. However, I can't think of a single time forced visitation leads to good things, especially after a certain age. If he mentions it again, see if dad would be open to a more informal schedule with DS.

Yes visitation is important. Moms can hold vengeance even if they caused the divorce. No good can come from taking away a parent. There is no abuse or neglect, just different parenting. You don’t think losing a parent unnecessarily impacts a child.

Anonymous wrote:My child is going on 16 and has, in passing, mentioned not seeing his father on weekends. He currently goes every weekend.

Is this pretty much par the course? I assumed 18, but maybe that's a bit late.

If he just mentioned in passing, I wouldn't read into it much. However, I can't think of a single time forced visitation leads to good things, especially after a certain age. If he mentions it again, see if dad would be open to a more informal schedule with DS.

Tell him to talk with his dad about it. I recommend trying to encourage them to plan some trips together that they would both enjoy.

As with many things this varies with the quality of the relationship and the people involved, as well as the resources and circumstances of the families in question. In all cases there’s a shift in the teen years, sometimes only in attitude.

In the best cases, things get more informal, reflecting the child’s greater independence. So maybe instead of Every Wednesday Dinner, non-custodial parent does soccer pickup Weds night and kid stays over until Thursday. We have a friend whose father essentially has full custody during the travel soccer season because he’s an assistant coach and it makes the logistics easier— meanwhile in the summer he barely sees his kid because that’s when his work trade show is. Healthy and mature parents adapt.

There was a super high conflict divorce in which the 16 y/o boy did not want to see his father, at all. His mother insisted that he go because she knew the second she was late to one visit there would be contempt filed and she truly couldn’t afford it— he had been trying to bury her in legal bills. The kid went and refused to speak. Would not say one word to the father. Not a word. Dad raged and lost his mind in voicemails, and filed for contempt (despite the fact the kid had gone to his house).

The sad outcome for the dad is that he now pays CS on 100% and the judge gave the kid discretion. Because the kid was allowed to explain his reasoning, and what his forced visitation had done for the past 10 years of his life. It’s sad that the person with more money gets to hold it over the spouses head.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Why doesn't your child want a relationship with you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Yes, I think a relationship with both parents is important too. But, I recognize that the quality of the relationship and the degree to which it involves the parent and child being physically dependent on how the parent invests in the relationship. (and I don't mean a monetary investment)

My DCs chose to see less and less of their father because of choices he made. He did not make the investment of his time, attention, support and personal sacrifice for their benefit, and, as they grew older, they realized that and set boundaries.

Many men want to believe that the lack of a relationship is due to some kind of alienation by the spouse. They think they are entitled to a certain kind of relationship by virtue of being a birth parent, and they prefer to blame the spouse than self-examine their parenting and adjust. Yes, women can do this too.

You seem to hate men and will look for any excuse to slam them. Ever stop and think he knew you didn't support the relationship or shared parenting and he gave up fighting as there was no point as no matter how hard he tried, you will find ways to sabotage it. What self-reflection have you done to see the role you play/played in all this? It's easy to blame him but it took both of you to create this situation and it will take both of you for your child to have a relationship with him. It's not healthy for a child to lose their parent, especially due to the selfishness of the other parent who will use any excuse to terminate the relationship. A marginal parent is still better than no parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

Pretty sad. Perhaps if your mom supported you better you would have been able to make it work.

My dad could have avoided the issue by not moving two states away from my hometown, the only thing my mom did wrong was trying to force me to go to my dad's when i clearly didn't want to.

Your mom should have sent you. Maybe he didn’t have an option for work or housing or other reasons. You could have gone for shorter periods. So, either you were a brat or trying to please your mom who did not want the visits.

Did you even read my previous comment?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

Pretty sad. Perhaps if your mom supported you better you would have been able to make it work.

My dad could have avoided the issue by not moving two states away from my hometown, the only thing my mom did wrong was trying to force me to go to my dad's when i clearly didn't want to.

Your mom should have sent you. Maybe he didn’t have an option for work or housing or other reasons. You could have gone for shorter periods. So, either you were a brat or trying to please your mom who did not want the visits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

Pretty sad. Perhaps if your mom supported you better you would have been able to make it work.

Weird that you blame the Mom. My first Q would be "how did the parents end up living so far apart - who made that choice and why?". Because it's pretty dang hard to have a relationship when one spouse moves far away from the kids.

Sometimes moms move away. Often times it’s not realistic for both parents to remain in the same community, especially if dad pays child support, alimony and extras on top of their own expenses.

It’s not hard if both parents support it and make it work.