Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:25
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I know my wife thinks she handles all the mental load because the things that mean a lot to her are “mental load” and the things that I handle “are things you were going to do anyway.”
Same here. I handle the finances, plan the vacations, handle the kids after school schedules and drive them, keep track of their homework and school projects, but she thinks she does it all because she plans meals and buys clothes.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:23
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I can't tell if OP is tone deaf or what. Our set up is much like hers. But I consider DH to share a lot of the load. He's involved with DS and does his fair share around the house. While definitely do more of the planning because I enjoy it, I would never say he doesn't share the load. I've read enough posts on here to see what that actually looks like and if OP really thinks our/her situation is the same as those, she's really dense.
She said “mental load” not just load.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:23
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
So you have a partner who does his fair share even if it's different than what you do, and you pretend to not understand why women who do it all feel bothered?
This is OP and I am referring specifically to those who complain about having to bear the mental load. Not those without an equal partner.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:22
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
Suits your personality. Like if you wind down by cooking, you don't hate it like someone that hates cooking but must do it.
I agree. I find planning and using my calendar very soothing. Not having things written out causes me stress. Although I do most of the planning, my husband has good executive function for household stuff which makes me feel like we are a team/appreciated.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:17
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
I don't think I would mind it if my husband fully grasped how much I am doing. Instead he minimizes it. He bristles if he hears me say I am the primary parent. I work PT and sometimes he talks about my going back full time. When I tell him he'd need to step up more, he claims he already does half.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:13
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
Suits your personality. Like if you wind down by cooking, you don't hate it like someone that hates cooking but must do it.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:11
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
So you have a partner who does his fair share even if it's different than what you do, and you pretend to not understand why women who do it all feel bothered?
This 100%
Anonymous
03/12/2024 20:08
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
My husband just left 20 minutes early for sports practice so as not to help get ready for the cleaning lady. Be grateful for all the help you get.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:43
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
I can't tell if OP is tone deaf or what. Our set up is much like hers. But I consider DH to share a lot of the load. He's involved with DS and does his fair share around the house. While definitely do more of the planning because I enjoy it, I would never say he doesn't share the load. I've read enough posts on here to see what that actually looks like and if OP really thinks our/her situation is the same as those, she's really dense.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:38
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
I love doing it all too. I work full time, but I'm type A and am very organized. Planning vacations doesn't bother me in the least.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:33
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
It’s hard for you to understand because he does a lot. You have no idea how other husbands are. But good for you.
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:31
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
I know my wife thinks she handles all the mental load because the things that mean a lot to her are “mental load” and the things that I handle “are things you were going to do anyway.”
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:31
Subject: Re:S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Me too but I can’t buy clothes, decorate, buy gifts, plan vacations so it’s not 100% all me
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:30
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I organize and plan pretty much everything for my family and it doesn’t bother me. My husband and I work FT - he’s WAH, I’m WOH - about equal hours, but he makes three times what I do. We have three kids and share most of the housework (just hired cleaners to come every two weeks), but I do all of the cooking and he does all of the laundry. He does a lot of the hands on parenting while I am the one enrolling in camps, organizing birthday parties, planning vacations etc. (and also staying on top of our finances). I’m pretty Type A and a natural planner so it really doesn’t bother me and I don’t feel bogged down by it. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why some people feel like it’s so intolerable - it’s just part of being an adult! You would have a mental load even if it were just you!
So you have a partner who does his fair share even if it's different than what you do, and you pretend to not understand why women who do it all feel bothered?
Anonymous
03/12/2024 19:22
Subject: S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?
Anonymous wrote:I do all the mental load and I'm OK with it. I'm a control freak though, so it suits me just fine!
Me too. My spouse won’t pay the bills because I can’t stop micromanaging and they don’t care about it solo g as they get paid.
I don’t mind it at all and we both contribute in different ways. It’s not equal fault or even monthly but it really does equal out over time.
And because we don’t think about this stuff our relationship is really pleasant.