How old are the kids.

What is your husband’s quid pro quo? What secret does the friend keep on behalf of your husband? Get your husband to confess?

I think DH should tell friend exactly what happened, that you know and are struggling with the information and whether to tell wife. Maybe that will compel friend to come clean or end the affair.

I don't think you should tell the DW. She might know and/or condone it. She might not know but be embarrassed to hear it from you. Good friends are hard for guys to come by once you hit middle age, and this would surely end that friendship. It just isn't your job to police everything in the world, so I would just let it go. Be nice to the DW, but no need to do more than that.

Anonymous wrote:If it has been 8 years it’s likely the wife already knows. The situation has come to some kind of equilibrium. She’s probably waiting until kids go to college. Stay out of it.

Prob no clue. I’ve seen this situation

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee you she already knows.

+1.

Either this is a troll or he should fire his medical team. What a patient says under meds cannot be relied on and even if outrageous, it stays in the OR/recovery room before family gets involved, especially for a minor procedure.

OP it’s not about you, or your husband. Stop seeking drama and leave it alone.

I guarantee you she already knows.

OP,

you are in a very tough spot.

On the one hand, this woman could be infected with STDs from her husband sleeping around. She would benefit from getting tested and treated ASAP.

On the other, you would destroy the friendship. Possibly this woman already knows and turns a blind eye, or if she doesn't yet know, she may want to repair her marriage and feel very awkward around you and your husband. If she chooses to divorce, she will hate your husband for having kept this from both you and her for so long, and your friendship will not survive this.

You could potentially find a way to tip her off anonymously, so she can deal with her family situation privately. Maybe that's the only option available to you.

Sounds like he does "condone" it, since he's not willing to do anything about it.

If it has been 8 years it’s likely the wife already knows. The situation has come to some kind of equilibrium. She’s probably waiting until kids go to college. Stay out of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned that my husband seemed to think it was ok to keep this secret from you for 8 years while your families kept bonding and getting closer. I would find this really upsetting and question my husband’s character. My husband has had a few long-standing friends of decades make questionable life questions. It results in the friendship cooling off considerably.

We don’t know that the husband has known for 8 years.

He’s known plenty long enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, it’s none of your business, but this friend opened his big mouth and told your husband. I would back away slowly for the couple. It is not my job to alert the wife, nor it my job to go along with this idiot.

+1. That guy stopped being your “friend” when he put that monkey on your husband’s back. Obviously it’s bothering him if he had it on his mind coming out of surgery. He’s not a good person or friend, so time to go.

This. Friend should not have told anyone. Friend is several kinds of dumb. Friend should also assume that your husband would have told you anything he knows bc that is how it is with couples. Friend is a moron who wants to get caught. However you should do nothing.

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned that my husband seemed to think it was ok to keep this secret from you for 8 years while your families kept bonding and getting closer. I would find this really upsetting and question my husband’s character. My husband has had a few long-standing friends of decades make questionable life questions. It results in the friendship cooling off considerably.

We don’t know that the husband has known for 8 years.