Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 09:55     Subject: First date — how physical?
Guy here, married 20 years. Prior to meeting my wife, I had fallen into a pattern of dating that often included falling into the sack very early on. Sometime this resulted in a one night stand, sometimes in "relationships," all usually six months or less.

When I met my now wife, there was instant chemistry, but I made it clear that I thought we should wait three months before sleeping together. She agreed. The chemistry was too great and we lasted seven weeks and slept together. Two years later we were married.

Cut to 20 years and lots of marital difficulties later...any my wife complains that "the man should always be the one who initiates because that's what men do", and me complaining that she should initiate some of the time because that helps me to feel desired. Anyway, now she complains that the fact that I didn't want to sleep with her immediately is evidence that were weren't really a match, and that I didn't find her attractive enough. Sometimes you can't win.

Anyway, I kind of lost the point of my post. New attraction is an amazing feeling, it's something I miss about being young and single.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 09:25     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:I believe that if a guy on a first date really likes someone he's going to be very careful about moving too far too fast so he doesn't blow it. If he doesn't really like someone he might make some pretty strong moves to see if they are reciprocated and then its off to the races. I've had some first date guys make pretty strong moves and its a real turn off.


Agree. There’s a difference between a guy pushing boundaries and a mutually happy drunken makeout sesh!
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 09:23     Subject: First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume anything. I would have slept with DH on the first date but for being on my period. We did, however, get sloshed and make out for an hour at the bar. In our case, the only thing it was evidence of was our fantastic chemistry and how much we liked each other.


Sometimes I really miss dating!


My story is identical to yours, and we’ve been married 20 years. He did tell me after we were married that he would have waited and gotten to know me slowly over months if I had gone that route instead.

I’m the PP and im surprised and happy by how many ppl responded positively to my story about first date chemistry! Instead of the usual dcum snark. FWIW we’ve been together 25 years and just had a post work cocktail where we reminisced about what an awesome lucky run we’ve had since we met in our early 20s with no money. Couldn’t ask for more. Honestly in hind sight, shouldn’t you want to jump the bones of the person youre thinking about spending the next 70 years with???
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 09:01     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.


Oh, don’t be confused. I wanted to take you to the prom but QB Joe got to you first. Today, he’s changing oil at Jiffy Lube while I’m a cardiac surgeon breaking hearts….literally. I don’t think you are expecting too much that I really wanted a relationship as I’m fully prepared to remove my scrubs. I’m tired of waiting, as are most patients in my waiting room.


LOL

Ok. So you’re saying he’s an arrogant ass and not interested, correct?


It was a first date and you have a long history so it’s hard to tell. If you didn’t enjoy it, it was a bad move.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 08:38     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate it when men cover me with their saliva without even asking on date 1 or try to pull me close and squeeze me. I’m germaphobic and really guitars my body autonomy. That’s a divinity no for a second date.
I usually initiate sex myself after a few dates by hinting it’s time for him to cook me a dinner


*Guard


*Definitely

But no second date not because I think he would not want a relationship. But because he doesn’t respect my needs or wants making unilateral decisions about my body
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 08:37     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:I hate it when men cover me with their saliva without even asking on date 1 or try to pull me close and squeeze me. I’m germaphobic and really guitars my body autonomy. That’s a divinity no for a second date.
I usually initiate sex myself after a few dates by hinting it’s time for him to cook me a dinner


*Guard
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 08:37     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
I hate it when men cover me with their saliva without even asking on date 1 or try to pull me close and squeeze me. I’m germaphobic and really guitars my body autonomy. That’s a divinity no for a second date.
I usually initiate sex myself after a few dates by hinting it’s time for him to cook me a dinner
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 08:32     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:I had sex on my first date with my now-husband of 23 years.


He knew he couldn’t get it elsewhere.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 08:26     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.


If you already know each other and have had flirtation before, I think the usual analysis doesn't apply. You already have a comfort level physically. I wouldn't read anything into it. Instead, is he texting/calling wanting to go out again?
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 23:01     Subject: First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:If a man was quite physical on the first date would you assume he’s not interested in a longterm relationship? Kissing, touching, hugging, not full on making out but towards.


No one worth dating behaves that way.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 22:40     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.


Oh, don’t be confused. I wanted to take you to the prom but QB Joe got to you first. Today, he’s changing oil at Jiffy Lube while I’m a cardiac surgeon breaking hearts….literally. I don’t think you are expecting too much that I really wanted a relationship as I’m fully prepared to remove my scrubs. I’m tired of waiting, as are most patients in my waiting room.


LOL

Ok. So you’re saying he’s an arrogant ass and not interested, correct?
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 22:29     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.


Oh, don’t be confused. I wanted to take you to the prom but QB Joe got to you first. Today, he’s changing oil at Jiffy Lube while I’m a cardiac surgeon breaking hearts….literally. I don’t think you are expecting too much that I really wanted a relationship as I’m fully prepared to remove my scrubs. I’m tired of waiting, as are most patients in my waiting room.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 22:18     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 20:41     Subject: Re:First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!


This was my experience as a woman with most men who wanted a relationship
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 20:18     Subject: First date — how physical?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume anything. I would have slept with DH on the first date but for being on my period. We did, however, get sloshed and make out for an hour at the bar. In our case, the only thing it was evidence of was our fantastic chemistry and how much we liked each other.


Sometimes I really miss dating!


I’m the PP and im surprised and happy by how many ppl responded positively to my story about first date chemistry! Instead of the usual dcum snark. FWIW we’ve been together 25 years and just had a post work cocktail where we reminisced about what an awesome lucky run we’ve had since we met in our early 20s with no money. Couldn’t ask for more. Honestly in hind sight, shouldn’t you want to jump the bones of the person youre thinking about spending the next 70 years with???