I know a husband/wife who both want to be divorced. But, they have two kids in elementary school. They don't hate each other, so they can easily live together as "roommates". However, they haven't had sex in over eight years and the wife is 100% fine with him having a "side girl". He's even seen escorts. She's fine with it. They are literally like friends now. But, they care enough for their kids to be together as a family.

They plan on divorcing when the kids are in high school or college.

I had one as well but it flared up to a level that was untenable, they are missed terribly. The mistakes I made in the beginning by not drawing proper boundaries around our relationship caused its implosion. There was also some deception on my part with my primary which poisoned the entire thing from the start. I don’t foresee us ever reconnecting but if I am so lucky I would do everything in my power to do it right.

What you have sounds good, do you find yourself less likely to emotionally extend yourself with your husband? There has to be some cost to your primary relationship.

To defend OP, it doesn't seem much different from having a good friend, just happens to be of the opposite sex. If emotional support means having someone who listens to you and provides thoughtful responses and good conversation, that is not cheating or an affair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

Please stop with this nonsense. As long as all parties are aware and consenting, there is no affair. Every marriage doesn't have to look the same.

By definition, monogamous is 1 person.

You add another person, is not monogamous

You are incorrect. By definition, monogamy means “one marriage” not “one person.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

Please stop with this nonsense. As long as all parties are aware and consenting, there is no affair. Every marriage doesn't have to look the same.

By definition, monogamous is 1 person.

You add another person, is not monogamous

We are discussing modern monogamy.

Try to keep up.

Start here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/201809/monogamy-it-s-not-what-you-think

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

Please stop with this nonsense. As long as all parties are aware and consenting, there is no affair. Every marriage doesn't have to look the same.

By definition, monogamous is 1 person.

You add another person, is not monogamous

I see a therapist to get my emotional needs met since my otherwise great husband can't always give me the feedback I need. I don't need it all the time and sometimes I go years without therapy, but it has helped us through tough times.

I also have good friends and I think that helps too, but in middle age sometimes friends are not available in the ways you need someone. I have a crappy family so they aren't a resource. Hiring a therapist keeps me from overrelying on my DH for all my emotional needs.

I guess this is kind of like having an online-only BF? Mine is just $15 a session with my insurance copay.

Modern monogamy? I think of the Obamas, the Bushes, the Pence family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

An affair is a relationship outside of marriage. That is what you have. That is not monogamy.

DP.

You are the second or third person responding to OP who apparently have no understanding of modern monogamy.

Go educate yourself. Only then are you allowed to come back here, and comment.

Until then, you all are simply bloviating on a topic you know nothing about.

Anonymous wrote:How did you find a guy who is willing to participate in an emotional relationship? Does he have a GF/spouse?

We were childhood friends and he’d had a crush on me forever. Interestingly, he’s very romantic but also rather asexual, which is probably why our relationship has worked for so long. Yes, he does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

An affair is a relationship outside of marriage. That is what you have. That is not monogamy.

It is “modern monogamy” as defined by the people who came up with the term.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

You might not have grasped that I don’t care what you think, or how you qualify it. If it makes you feel all warm inside to pin scarlet letters on people, please, knock yourself out while I live my life.

How did you find a guy who is willing to participate in an emotional relationship? Does he have a GF/spouse?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

Please stop with this nonsense. As long as all parties are aware and consenting, there is no affair. Every marriage doesn't have to look the same.