Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 12:36     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:He’s a really nice person, and I was attracted. But obvious ED issues and depression that became obvious after we had slept. I don’t want to hurt him more, as he had negative experiences with other women. But I just don’t have space in my life to deal with these issues.
How do you explain this to men you no longer want to see them after the first sex? I had very few partners and prior to that all my “sleepovers” went well and resulted in LTR. So not sure how to do this.
Any suggestions on the right wording ?


Don't sugar coat it. Just say the truth-- that you're a selfish narcissist who doesn't have room for anyone else in her life.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 12:31     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.


Yes, depression and other circumstances in his life is what puts me off the most.

Thanks for suggestions, everyone


Is he an alcoholic who takes depression and/or other mood stabilizing meds? BTDT. Doesn’t get better.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 12:01     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:how did the depression issues become obvious after sex?


I can't describe it due to privacy concerns but lets say I just had a chance to spend more time in his environment


If he is a hoarder tell him that you have childhood experience and it’s triggering your trauma
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:47     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
OP - has he followed up? Asked you out again? If not, then no need to reach out first. But if he does, let him know that you aren’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Pull the bandaid off.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:45     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:Be clear. Don’t over explain. You are not his parent, therapist or even friend (unless you were before getting together). His reaction is not your issue.

“Dear John, thank you for spending time with me. I realize that I don’t see us working as romantic partners. I wish you the best.”


This is the best way. You could even say:

Dear John, thank you for spending time with me. I realized that I don't see us having compatibility for a future relationship. I wish you the best.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:43     Subject: Re:How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:I exit quietly in bare feet.


🤣🤣🤣
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:37     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Imagine if a man posted this. LOL, the sheer hatred would come out of the screen of everyone reading!

Man: "I've been dating a woman and we finally had sex last night. She ended up sleeping over but was overly emotional afterward. Seemed like she was depressed. I wanted to have more sex in the morning and she said she wasn't in the mood. I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore. How do I break up with her?"
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:27     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.


Yes, depression and other circumstances in his life is what puts me off the most.

Thanks for suggestions, everyone
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:21     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.


No, she is not his therapist.

I would just not be very responsive this week. (Like slow and sparse with my responses). Then say that you are not feeling like there is longterm potential and that is what you are looking for.

I mean it will hurt him, just as it would hurt you. But that is always a possibility when you interact with other humans!
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:09     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:how did the depression issues become obvious after sex?


I can't describe it due to privacy concerns but lets say I just had a chance to spend more time in his environment



You snooped in his medicine cabinet.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:09     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.


That's a great idea, thank you!


I disagree — this makes it something he can argue with (“but I AM ready!!”). That can then build up resentment. Just make it about you, OP. There’s no wiggle room or gray area there.


This
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:09     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
“See if he does better?” I thought it was the depression that was putting you off; that won’t change, even if he is able to perform in bed.

Btw the ED may be the result of depression meds - it’s a common side effect.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 11:07     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.


That's a great idea, thank you!


I disagree — this makes it something he can argue with (“but I AM ready!!”). That can then build up resentment. Just make it about you, OP. There’s no wiggle room or gray area there.


OK, I'll probably say something along the lines that I have a challenging period in my life and cannot accommodate a relationship. Does it sound right?


No because if that were true you wouldn’t have fed him.


Fed? You meant, "led"? But isn't it what dating is about: people date, see/sleep with others and decide freely if that works for them. Why should I feel guilty about "leading" a man? I wasn't seeking any expensive dates, agreed to stay overnight because I wanted him. Then new things came up that I'm not ready to bring into my life.

I don't feel guilty here: he has more friends and relatives than me to support him. Just asking what I should tell, since we only had s..x once.

Shall I try maybe one more overnight, and see if he does better? But that would be leading him on to think I liked it.


Just say you don’t you’re a match for each other - saying it’s not the right time for you leaves gray area too.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 10:58     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.


That's a great idea, thank you!


I disagree — this makes it something he can argue with (“but I AM ready!!”). That can then build up resentment. Just make it about you, OP. There’s no wiggle room or gray area there.


OK, I'll probably say something along the lines that I have a challenging period in my life and cannot accommodate a relationship. Does it sound right?


No because if that were true you wouldn’t have fed him.


Fed? You meant, "led"? But isn't it what dating is about: people date, see/sleep with others and decide freely if that works for them. Why should I feel guilty about "leading" a man? I wasn't seeking any expensive dates, agreed to stay overnight because I wanted him. Then new things came up that I'm not ready to bring into my life.

I don't feel guilty here: he has more friends and relatives than me to support him. Just asking what I should tell, since we only had s..x once.

Shall I try maybe one more overnight, and see if he does better? But that would be leading him on to think I liked it.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2024 10:46     Subject: How do you exit after an overnight ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If the depression issues are that obvious, tell him you're worried that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship. That will let him down easy without hurting his ego.


That's a great idea, thank you!


I disagree — this makes it something he can argue with (“but I AM ready!!”). That can then build up resentment. Just make it about you, OP. There’s no wiggle room or gray area there.


OK, I'll probably say something along the lines that I have a challenging period in my life and cannot accommodate a relationship. Does it sound right?


No because if that were true you wouldn’t have fed him.