Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:17
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Most women don’t want to be used.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:07
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
You act like a boyfriend, women will start to look at and want you as a boyfriend.
This. Be clear with boundaries. Stop acting like a boyfriend.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:06
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:FWB relationships have a shelf life because inevitably someone gets attached. No one is lying. It just happens.
This! I am a woman. 46. Never remarrying. FWBs get attached. I move on. I have no interest in an FWB with a man my own age when I can get 15 years younger who will work around my schedule.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:04
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:47 year old woman here. I agree with a few comments above: first, women grow feelings after sex. Its biological. Having sex with someone regularly makes us catch feelings. Even for someone we know isnt a good match.
Second, it sounds like you are treating these women like potential girlfriends vs fwbs. Be very clear regarding your expectations and then act accordingly. Texting every day is not a fwb. Hooking up a few times/wk is getting into gf territory. Fancy dates isnt what you do with an fwb. Actions speak louder than words.
Finally, what did these women say in their profile? Are they also looking for short term relationships or do they say they are looking for long term?
This. OP sounds like a narcissist. Probably love bombs these women to make them fall for him then wonders why they want more. But I would also agree most women probably can’t handle a strictly FWB situation unless they’re older and know better than to get sucked in by the charm.
Yup - and OP is likely benefiting from better sex by fostering intimacy and connection with these women
Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:02
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:OP - have you asked them? Also - the common factor is YOU - have you looked at your own patterns? Are you being honest about what you want? Are you being manipulative? Inconsistent with words and actions (saying you only want FWB and then acting like a boyfriend? Developing intimacy)?
What is more intimate than having sex with someone?
Anonymous
03/01/2024 16:00
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:47 year old woman here. I agree with a few comments above: first, women grow feelings after sex. Its biological. Having sex with someone regularly makes us catch feelings. Even for someone we know isnt a good match.
Second, it sounds like you are treating these women like potential girlfriends vs fwbs. Be very clear regarding your expectations and then act accordingly. Texting every day is not a fwb. Hooking up a few times/wk is getting into gf territory. Fancy dates isnt what you do with an fwb. Actions speak louder than words.
Finally, what did these women say in their profile? Are they also looking for short term relationships or do they say they are looking for long term?
This. OP sounds like a narcissist. Probably love bombs these women to make them fall for him then wonders why they want more. But I would also agree most women probably can’t handle a strictly FWB situation unless they’re older and know better than to get sucked in by the charm.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:59
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:I will date you, OP! I am in the same boat.
Like most women, you will catch feelings and eventually ask for more.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:47
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
47 year old woman here. I agree with a few comments above: first, women grow feelings after sex. Its biological. Having sex with someone regularly makes us catch feelings. Even for someone we know isnt a good match.
Second, it sounds like you are treating these women like potential girlfriends vs fwbs. Be very clear regarding your expectations and then act accordingly. Texting every day is not a fwb. Hooking up a few times/wk is getting into gf territory. Fancy dates isnt what you do with an fwb. Actions speak louder than words.
Finally, what did these women say in their profile? Are they also looking for short term relationships or do they say they are looking for long term?
Second, it sounds like you are treating these women like potential girlfriends vs fwbs. Be very clear regarding your expectations and then act accordingly. Texting every day is not a fwb. Hooking up a few times/wk is getting into gf territory. Fancy dates isnt what you do with an fwb. Actions speak louder than words.
Finally, what did these women say in their profile? Are they also looking for short term relationships or do they say they are looking for long term?
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:38
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most women prefer to be in relationships not FWB situations. Men prefer more sexual partners with no relationship. This has been studied extensively.
So, realize that inherently most women are seeking relationships even if they claim they want FWB. Most of them are not lying, they have been conditioned by society to deny their true desires in pursuit of sexual liberation.
In your situation I would advise sticking to women who are 40+. Ideally 50+ as these women are more likely to consider you as a fling, but we both know that you’re not going to do that. Seeing prostitutes may be a good path for you if it aligns to your moral framework.
Bad advice.
I’m in my 40s and most women in their 40s are gross, and 50s is worse.
I date women late twenties to late thirties. Better looking and usually a lot more nice.
The OP is currently doing this yet not happy with his current relationships with women in this age bracket. he wouldn’t be whining about it on a mommy blog seeking advice if it was working.
Assuming he is not a troll, which is questionable.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:26
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
For starters, don't date women under 40, especially if they don't have kids of their own. Of course they want more, and you should get out of their way so they can find it.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:23
Subject: Re:They say they are okay with FWB then want more
I had a FWB for over three years when we were both in different medical schools and residencies and having any kind of relationship was difficult. We’d see each other once a month or so for fun, conversation and great sex. We never spent enough time together to really get attached but it ended when the distance got too far. At that point in my life or career it was ideal and 20 years later we are still friends.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:18
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
I had a 10 year FWB relationship in my 20's and 30's. It got confusing when he treated me like a girlfriend--like we did errands on the weekend together. It worked best when our communication what just about when we were getting together. We did go to dinner first, which for some is too much like dating. I didn't have a problem with that or spending the night.
But if you keep attracting women who fall into a relationship, you need to keep really strong boundaries. Only get together to DTD, after 9pm, and leave immediately. By doing that you'll know if the person can handle FWB or not.
But if you keep attracting women who fall into a relationship, you need to keep really strong boundaries. Only get together to DTD, after 9pm, and leave immediately. By doing that you'll know if the person can handle FWB or not.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:10
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
OP…be really nice to them . Women hate that crap.
The more aloof and resister to relationships you are the more they like you.
Just like do something overly nice and it will take care of itself. If you’re lucky they ghost you.
The more aloof and resister to relationships you are the more they like you.
Just like do something overly nice and it will take care of itself. If you’re lucky they ghost you.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:08
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Most women prefer to be in relationships not FWB situations. Men prefer more sexual partners with no relationship. This has been studied extensively.
So, realize that inherently most women are seeking relationships even if they claim they want FWB. Most of them are not lying, they have been conditioned by society to deny their true desires in pursuit of sexual liberation.
In your situation I would advise sticking to women who are 40+. Ideally 50+ as these women are more likely to consider you as a fling, but we both know that you’re not going to do that. Seeing prostitutes may be a good path for you if it aligns to your moral framework.
So, realize that inherently most women are seeking relationships even if they claim they want FWB. Most of them are not lying, they have been conditioned by society to deny their true desires in pursuit of sexual liberation.
In your situation I would advise sticking to women who are 40+. Ideally 50+ as these women are more likely to consider you as a fling, but we both know that you’re not going to do that. Seeing prostitutes may be a good path for you if it aligns to your moral framework.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 15:04
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Meh…let them live and learn. If you keep pulling off all of these smash and passes keep doing what you’re doing and don’t change the formula.
You have something going for you don’t mess it up.
Maybe take two or three and rotate them. When the see you’re playing hide the salami with other women maybe they’ll back off a little.
In any case just keep having fun, if they get attached put the breaks on and block their number..super easy
You have something going for you don’t mess it up.
Maybe take two or three and rotate them. When the see you’re playing hide the salami with other women maybe they’ll back off a little.
In any case just keep having fun, if they get attached put the breaks on and block their number..super easy