Anonymous wrote:Hi, I’m looking for some advice about handling a tricky workplace situation. We recently hired a new senior manager, who is a black woman. She is supervising a diverse team, and has been breaking a lot china in her first few months on the job, leading to a lot of unhappiness and complaints from her staff. She has also been ignoring various institutional processes. She is very smart and very capable, but she tends to spend a lot of time telling everyone else how important and smart she is, and not a lot of time listening.

As her supervisor, I finally had to have a hard conversation with her, a very similar conversation to one I have had over the years with many others, in which I told her she’s great, and has a wonderful ideas, but that we need her to do a little bit more listening and checking in with people before she charges ahead on things. She did not take this well, and responded with a long email saying that she thinks the pushback she is getting, both from her staff, and from me, is due to the implicit bias people have about working with a black woman in a leadership position. (I am a white woman.)

I don’t for a moment dispute the fact that black women face all kinds of micro aggression and bias that white men or women would not. And, of course, telling someone their behavior is affected by implicit unconscious bias is a non-rebuttable proposition. However, this woman is doing what I have seen many other people, black, white, male, and female, do over the years, which is alienating everyone around her by grandstanding and being heavy-handed, instead of turning her staff into her allies and supporters.

Any thoughts on how to respond to her? On the one hand, I don’t want to do anything that further convinces her that all criticism is coming out of unconscious racial bias on the other hand, I don’t think the existence of racism in the world should be a free pass for anyone to be a jerk in the workplace, which is frankly what she is doing. Advice?

Anonymous wrote:The reality is if she was a white man she would be considered assertive.

We do judge women, especially black women, differently when they are assertive.

Men use direct language and women use collaborative language. When a woman uses direct language they are called aggressive.

She is right, your feedback is based on unconscious bias. So now what do you do?

Also listing the thing she does to support your unconscious bias is called confirmation bias.

Everybody has bias. It’s fine, relax.

This article may help.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-women-called-aggressive-while-men-assertive-limor-bergman-nfmfc#:~:text=Stereotypes%20and%20Gender%20Norms%3A&text=Meanwhile%2C%20men%20are%20expected%20to,being%20labeled%20as%20%22aggressive.%22

She needs to be aware that her communication has intention and impact and because of unconscious bias people don’t receive her message as she intends. Her intention and impact do not line up. Sure it’s not fair that people are emotionally traumatized when women are assertive but you can’t change that.

As for the staff. They sound like they are simply going through storming and norming process. This happens to every new team. She is making changes and people are acting like babies. Obviously you can’t say that.

If you are unaware of what storming forming norming performing is this explains it.

https://www.mindtools.com/abyj5fi/forming-storming-norming-and-performing

Take the emotion out of the conversation.

She wants them to do X they want to do Y. Unless they can show value at not doing it her way they need to suck it up.

You also need to manage the storming stage better I’m sure you can google it.

Anonymous wrote:Please reflect hard on this. What would the reactions be to this person if they were a white man who was doing the exact things she was doing?

In most situations, a white man would 'get away' with the same behaviors because he would be less likely to be questioned, even if he made people uncomfortable and resentful.

Anonymous wrote:It's a total catch 22. Criticize her and she thinks it shows you're an unconscious racist. Agree and you are accepting that you are a racist. Try to show you're not criticizing her because you're an unconscious racist, and your denial is just more evidence of your unconscious racism.

I don't know, OP. I wish I had some ideas!

Anonymous wrote:Any black folks out here on this board with suggestions?

Anonymous wrote:Any black folks out here on this board with suggestions?