Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 16:22     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:Any cultural issues at play here OP? Like if you stay with an aunt or at a hotel, people would talk about her negatively? Is that what is worrying her?

If not, I don't see why you can't go stay with other family or at a hotel.


no no.
yes we def can. she is just upset that they will be there and she cant see them. she'd rather they weren't there at all so she didn't have to feel the pressure.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:37     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Any cultural issues at play here OP? Like if you stay with an aunt or at a hotel, people would talk about her negatively? Is that what is worrying her?

If not, I don't see why you can't go stay with other family or at a hotel.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 15:28     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s not sitting at the airport immigration counter and threatening to deport you. Make your plans as you want and just skip seeing her if she doesn’t want to.


+1 This just doesn't seem like an actual problem. She's not up for seeing them? You don't take them to visit.


Op - it’s only a problem in that her position is that it’s unfair of me to bring them to the country at all as creates stress for her


Well, she's welcome to feel however she likes, but it doesn't mean she gets to dictate when you can and can't travel to your home country. These are problems she created for herself.

Go and don't tell her you're there.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 14:57     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:Spring 2023 we were meant to visit my parents in europe. Mom scheduled a planned surgery for right when we were meant to come, so we had to cancel. We rebooked for Thanksgiving, but at that time she had an orthopedic issue that was very painful and didn't want us to come so we cancelled again. We have the kids spring break soon, and planned to take time off and travel with them and take them back again, but she scheduled her surgery for the first day of spring break and now says she doesn't want to see them for the whole time. I offered to go alone for her surgery, have the kids meet me there and go to a neighboring country with them for a week, have them fly back through home country in case she feels like saying hi (and so my dad can say hi, see friends) and she says that is not ok bc she will feel obligated and also sad that she can't see them if they are nearby. I understand how she feels but it's getting hard to avoid my home country entirely. wwyd?
I

Why wouldn't you mom want to see your kids? How badly do you want to visit? How much does she need you? If she thought the kids weren't there would she expect you to be with her? Does she even want to see you?
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 14:50     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:She’s not sitting at the airport immigration counter and threatening to deport you. Make your plans as you want and just skip seeing her if she doesn’t want to.


Seriously, does Grandma own the country. Just take your kids where you want when you want.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 12:17     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:I get it. It’s a lot to be responsible on any level for hosting or just being a back up if you are sick. My BFF is upset with me right now because her 15 year old will be in DC for two weeks this summer for a program, but I chose to take that time to visit family out of state when I heard he was coming.


??

Weird flex.

Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 12:15     Subject: Re:Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
OP, if you plan to stay in a hotel, then she doesn’t have a thing to complain about.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 12:14     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:She’s not sitting at the airport immigration counter and threatening to deport you. Make your plans as you want and just skip seeing her if she doesn’t want to.


This.

My MIL is talking about moving across the country again and we still plan to visit where she is living now on break because it’s a nice place to take a trip and it’s where DH grew up. In some ways it will be nicer to visit without having to accommodate extended family. Enjoy your trip and don’t mention it until after if at all. Her reaction to your vacation is her problem not yours.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 10:58     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Your mom sounds like a peach, and not a juicy sweet one.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 10:51     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
I also like the idea of not telling her at all so she doesn't start cleaning and prepping rooms for guests to stay. Let her find out later and be as loving in your response as possible but also say her request is far too ridiculous to cut the kids out of their culture over her fears of obligation.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 10:48     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Go with the utmost respect for her well being by not imposing even for a minute's worth of time. Tell her you will likely go and absolutely understand her pov but the country is more to you than just her but you also understand why she feels obligated so you will promise to go another time and see her then when she is feeling better but right now she is being irrational from the stress and since you sense that be open about not at all wanting to increase her stress but no argument will keep you from using the opportunity of vacation time to teach your kids their culture while they are still impressionable so it isn't alien to them later
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 10:45     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering

I am flabbergasted that you've been going along with her nonsense. I would never have cancelled. Our vacations are precious. We're not wasting precious time and missing out on family visits.

Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 10:42     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s not sitting at the airport immigration counter and threatening to deport you. Make your plans as you want and just skip seeing her if she doesn’t want to.


+1 This just doesn't seem like an actual problem. She's not up for seeing them? You don't take them to visit.


Op - it’s only a problem in that her position is that it’s unfair of me to bring them to the country at all as creates stress for her


She is being ridiculous. Just don’t even tell her you will be there. Go see whomever you want to see. And if Aunt Susie happens to tell mom you were there, then just ignore mom’s tirade. She is being nuts.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 09:30     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s not sitting at the airport immigration counter and threatening to deport you. Make your plans as you want and just skip seeing her if she doesn’t want to.


+1 This just doesn't seem like an actual problem. She's not up for seeing them? You don't take them to visit.


Op - it’s only a problem in that her position is that it’s unfair of me to bring them to the country at all as creates stress for her
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 09:24     Subject: Mom does not want grandkids in the same country when she is recovering
I would suggest going anyway, so long as you stay in a hotel and don't impose on her in any way, including unwanted visits to her home. It's too bad if that makes her sad - it's not fair to you and the kids that you can't see anyone either, and entirely her fault for scheduling these things exactly at the only time you can go.