Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 11:02     Subject: Re:I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
The reason I chose my son’s private HS was that it wasn’t filled with only top students. There were all kinds of students there. He ended up a 3.3 gpa and got in everywhere he applied. Not top 50 schools but there are so many college choices. If you don’t want her surrounded by perfection, look elsewhere.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 11:01     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I have a hs freshman who started at a challenging high school. She got all A’s except for one class and I thought this was fabulous. That class was out of her area of comfort but she was super interested in the topic and worked hard, but the grading was very difficult. Yet she learned a ton from this class, probably more than in the classes she got perfect grades in. The school culture is very college oriented and from listening to other kids talk she believes any imperfect grade may end her chances at competitive college admissions. Now in selecting classes for next year she and her friends are very concerned about difficulty, which classes play to their strengths, and who is a hard teacher etc. My kid has always been naturally curious and wants to learn everything and try new things, but I feel like the looming threat of college admissions is already turning her into someone else who is afraid to take intellectual or academic risks. This makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way? Can anything be done about it? I don’t feel like we pressure her about getting into a top college, but even so the difficulty of getting into colleges is so talked up (maybe the talk is true, I don’t know) that it’s hurting our kids attitudes towards learning. I’m not sure if anyone can offer advice, but it’s just frustrating.


I mean...you actually are responsible for starting the rat race that you so despise...did you honestly not understand the culture of the HS?

I mean, does anyone sending their kid to a Big3 or Whitman, Blair Magnet, Churchill, TJ, Langley...not realize what kind of HS for which they are enrolling their kid and the culture?

You actively have to reinforce the opposite if your kid is at one of these schools. That it is OK to take chances and move forward in life, and that it may mean a top college is off-the-table...or take that curiosity and run with it outside of the classroom/school to create some really unique EC.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 11:01     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.


Not as many if you’re middle class. You need T20 stats to make the other schools affordable.


Oh hells no. My DD got significant merit at Michigan State and Iowa. And she is nowhere near top 20 stats. Her aid brought both schools down to the 40k range all in.

Like I said, there are tons of options.


Curious what you consider middle class if 40k a year is no problem.


We have all of it saved in a 529. We started saving when DD was born.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:59     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.


Not as many if you’re middle class. You need T20 stats to make the other schools affordable.


Oh hells no. My DD got significant merit at Michigan State and Iowa. And she is nowhere near top 20 stats. Her aid brought both schools down to the 40k range all in.

Like I said, there are tons of options.


Curious what you consider middle class if 40k a year is no problem.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:57     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I have a hs freshman who started at a challenging high school... The school culture is very college oriented and from listening to other kids talk she believes any imperfect grade may end her chances at competitive college admissions.

School culture can be difficult to parse because there's a three-way interplay between admin/teachers, parents, and students. At our school during course registration for the upcoming year, a strong student might be encouraged by every one of their individual teachers to take challenging courses in their respective subjects. But when deciding how many challenging courses to take, students need to look beyond the difficulty of each course, and at total workload. The administration cautions parents to be careful, and to take a global approach. But the advice often gets drowned out by the teacher recommendations and peer pressure. Parents have to counteract both intentional and unintentional messages.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:54     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.


Not as many if you’re middle class. You need T20 stats to make the other schools affordable.


Oh hells no. My DD got significant merit at Michigan State and Iowa. And she is nowhere near top 20 stats. Her aid brought both schools down to the 40k range all in.

Like I said, there are tons of options.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:52     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
That's Life, OP. It's been that way for years. You just didn't realize it, and a certain portion of the middle class from your generation was perhaps largely shielded from it at the high school level.

You have to teach your kid how to cope and be strategic. That's all.


No it’s not “life.” It’s a series of deliberate policy choices and unintended consequences of various trends.


Which makes it “just life” at this point. It isn’t changing anytime soon. And as long as so many people continue to buy into it, it’s going to be this way for a very long time. (I’m talking to you, parents who force their kids to take the SAT 4+ times, hire college admissions advisors to the tune of 5K+, choose their kids schools, write their essays, insist on additional enrichment and tutors, force EC’s and sports…)
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:51     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.


Not as many if you’re middle class. You need T20 stats to make the other schools affordable.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:47     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Eh. My DS earned a ton of Bs in 11th and 12th. He got into every state university he applied to, most with merit.



UMD? UVA?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:47     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
That's Life, OP. It's been that way for years. You just didn't realize it, and a certain portion of the middle class from your generation was perhaps largely shielded from it at the high school level.

You have to teach your kid how to cope and be strategic. That's all.


No it’s not “life.” It’s a series of deliberate policy choices and unintended consequences of various trends.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:46     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
I feel like you want us to say you're right and the peer group is wrong. But the kids who are gunning for the top colleges are gunning from day one. Plenty of GPAs are blown freshman year.

Is it crazy? sure. But it's crazy to me that people have 5 million dollar homes. Or drive cars you can't park in the street. That's not even aspirational to me. IT's okay if those kids want that and it's okay to opt out. 99% of kids in America opt out or never had the chance to opt in.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:46     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Eh. My DS earned a ton of Bs in 11th and 12th. He got into every state university he applied to, most with merit.

Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:44     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools,but often at state flagships as well.


But they were very unlikely to get into a T20 even with all As so you shouldn't make yourself miserable over that goal. Take challenging classes, work hard but also make time for fun, friends, rest, etc. The grades will fall out where they do and you'll still have plenty of choices -- and likely end up with classmates who had straight As and didn't get into the T20s they thought they should. And if you don't get into your state flagship, you will get into other state flagships or choose another in-state school where you will find smart classmates too.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:43     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 10:41     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a hs freshman who started at a challenging high school. She got all A’s except for one class and I thought this was fabulous. That class was out of her area of comfort but she was super interested in the topic and worked hard, but the grading was very difficult. Yet she learned a ton from this class, probably more than in the classes she got perfect grades in. The school culture is very college oriented and from listening to other kids talk she believes any imperfect grade may end her chances at competitive college admissions. Now in selecting classes for next year she and her friends are very concerned about difficulty, which classes play to their strengths, and who is a hard teacher etc. My kid has always been naturally curious and wants to learn everything and try new things, but I feel like the looming threat of college admissions is already turning her into someone else who is afraid to take intellectual or academic risks. This makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way? Can anything be done about it? I don’t feel like we pressure her about getting into a top college, but even so the difficulty of getting into colleges is so talked up (maybe the talk is true, I don’t know) that it’s hurting our kids attitudes towards learning. I’m not sure if anyone can offer advice, but it’s just frustrating.



Over the long run, this is by far a more important attribute than getting into a “highly selective” college. There are hundreds of fantastic universities in this country, many of which accept more than 50% of applicants. Too many use low acceptance rate as a proxy for quality. It isn’t. Scarcity mindset for education is unnecessary and unhelpful.


Also (imo) much more important just for life in general. The ability to take a course and work hard and be excited about actually learning alot is key to succeeding in college and beyond.
Kids should actually want to learn and pick courses accordingly