Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:49     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


I have a hard time believing your sibling doesn't understand the "culture". Are you all foreigners?

Regardless, your dh needs to be direct and ask them to make no comments at all that aren't supportive. Literally "If you have nothing nice to say....you are making us and our dc feel horrible and we won't be able to see you until you stop making these comments."
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:48     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


Older people are often absolutely stupid and clueless about college admissions these days. As for your siblings, younger kids? Terrible behavior making a teen family member and parents feel like shit about a great decision either way.


Elder millennials, yeah. I'd like to nip it in the bud before it spreads to their kids and then to DC.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:47     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
First of all, this isn't normal. So you should be offended and I wouldn't blame you for being upset.

If they are genuinely being mean (and not inquiring because they're aware the kid applied to Harvard or they went and you went and they want them to be a legacy or something) I'd turn it right back on them.

"What about Harvard? Linda, please. Why don't you trade your Tesla in for a Mercedes?"

"What about Harvard? George, please. Why are you spending time at Congressional, what, you couldn't get into the Metropolitan Club?"
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:47     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.


Older people are often absolutely stupid and clueless about college admissions these days. As for your siblings, younger kids? Terrible behavior making a teen family member and parents feel like shit about a great decision either way.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:47     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:Just name the damned school.


No - because I've posted about DC before and hate being recognizable. Besides, it's irrelevant, I think.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:45     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Just name the damned school.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:42     Subject: Re:How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:"Actually, i'm so proud of DC for investing the time and effort to find a school that seems to have the best fit of exactly what they're looking for, and not just following the herd to the colleges with the most applications or the lowest acceptance rates."


Snarky. I love it.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:42     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.


DH's parents and one of my siblings are the biggest offenders. They don't understand this particular culture, which is why I say I think it's ignorance - and they don't see themselves are being rude. They honestly don't understand.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:41     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:If I'm feeling petty, "Well DC tried Harvard but the acceptance rate is 3%. What was the acceptance rate when you got into Harvard? Was that when legacies routinely paid to get in over smarter poor and minority kids?"


The kicker is that they didn't even apply to arguably the most prestigious school in this group. Had zero interest. But people only see that single digit acceptance rate...
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:39     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
I think it depends on who the family you are referring. Are they your parents? in-laws? your siblings? distance cousins?

Normally I would focus on my kids interests and potential networking opportunities using my family connections. If they can help something there, great. If not, I would just listen and smile/move on.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:39     Subject: Re:How do you deal with family criticism?
"Actually, i'm so proud of DC for investing the time and effort to find a school that seems to have the best fit of exactly what they're looking for, and not just following the herd to the colleges with the most applications or the lowest acceptance rates."
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:38     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:DC's top choice college was a "lessor" school in a particular group - think Cornell vs. Harvard or Connecticut College vs. Amherst, or Nebraska vs. Northwestern, something like that. They were accepted and are THRILLED beyond words, but more than one family member and friend has said some really nasty things to us about the acceptance. We're incredibly proud and trying to gracefully deflect the comments, but people are digging in their heels and saying the equivalent of, "Well, what about Harvard? It's not too late to apply, you know."

Could use some specific wording here. "This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.


"Maybe. But for this particular kid, this is the right choice. So proud of them for knowing what they wanted, going for it, and of course getting in."
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:32     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
If I'm feeling petty, "Well DC tried Harvard but the acceptance rate is 3%. What was the acceptance rate when you got into Harvard? Was that when legacies routinely paid to get in over smarter poor and minority kids?"
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:30     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Posts like these are why I have no friends. Who needs friends making these types of horrible comments?


Many of them are family. And I think the friends in particular are speaking out of ignorance, so I'm trying to give them some grace.


Ignorance is not an excuse for rudeness.


This.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2024 11:28     Subject: How do you deal with family criticism?
We haven't had that particular criticism, but then again we lived through the "He doesn't have ADHD, why are you drugging your child?!?" onslaught 10 years ago, so maybe everyone has left us alone to our own catastrophic mistakes since then...

My son also picked a "lesser" university over "better" choices, because he preferred that one, and we are very happy with his choice.

I guess it takes one big debate that you shut down firmly for relatives to understand they can't interfere in your nuclear family's choices. Push back hard, so that your younger kids won't have that experience.