I have ADHD and depression and never scream at my wife. I yelled at her once when she was driving and once when our kid got underfoot while she was moving a huge pot of boiling water. That’s in 20 years of being together.

Get a go pro and tape everything. Send around footage of his mentally ill outbursts.

Since you are wearing the camera in his head he knows he’s being taped. So two things, it will Big Brother him into a more normal speaking style, or you can use the footage of his Rages however you wish.

I guess I third thing can happened as did with my HFA/Bipolar spouse. He starts narrating total falsities as if he’s acting in a play for the camera. Of course he is the victim.

Mentally ill men are so very ill.

Anonymous wrote:For the most part (but not always), he saves his outbursts for when the kids aren't around. And they are older, so they are not around as much.

My husband grew up with a dad like this. Your kids have probably heard a lot more than you think. I would recommend they get into therapy.

Anger outbursts and yelling over women is misogyny. Bet he never did that to any men or his family or life.

FYI, he could be adhd and ASD, a common comorbidity.

Others include bipolar or borderline as maladaptive coping mechanisms from all the “confusion and mayhem” ASD causes in a family and household.

Finally anxiety and depression are outputs of the lack of empathy, lack of understanding their own or others feelings or actions, and the poor verbal communication and conflict resolution skills. And all the nonstop executive functioning deficiencies.

It appears that he’s always been this way OP. Youved admitted this in a couple follow up posts. You were likely too busy working and running the family and kids to notice how frequent or how loud and immature your husband was. Women power through this to give the kids a normal life.

Now with empty nest and his blatant poor habits and rude behavior, the 30+ year pattern of just verbal and emotional abuse is crystal clear.

Plan your exit. Do your exit.

Isn't being alone at 60 and having a peaceful home more important than living with someone who screams at you? It's not ok for any reason, but especially for no good reason and every day.

OP, start making an exit plan. I doubt your kids want to live with him either. They know much more than you think they do. You deserve to be free from him so you can be happy. And perhaps he will be happier as well.

Anonymous wrote:Other than laughing in his face, I am doing all of the above. I can't even imagine how he expects me to be intimate with him after he hurls insults and yells at me daily. And I don't even let him get near enough to me now to even recoil at his touch.

Your marriage is over. This vicious cycle dynamic does not improve. Ps one of the reasons he’s angry is bc he has no sex. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I've actually started wondering whether it could be early signs of dementia. However, he has always had a bad temper. It has just escalated a great deal during the last several years. I have told him that he is acting more erratic and is unable to control his temper and have suggested that he should see a doctor. That provoked another outburst, so I am not sure how to handle this going forward.

Is he a drinker?

Tell us about his work and weekend life. Does he go into an office? Does he have any hobbies? Does he yell and scream at people outside of his house? If he manages at work, he KNOWS how to control himself, he simply chooses to yell/show anger at you. If the police pulled him over, would he yell at them? Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. Don’t allow him to do his to you.

Anonymous wrote:I've actually started wondering whether it could be early signs of dementia. However, he has always had a bad temper. It has just escalated a great deal during the last several years. I have told him that he is acting more erratic and is unable to control his temper and have suggested that he should see a doctor. That provoked another outburst, so I am not sure how to handle this going forward.

My father has early signs of dementia and he is much more verbally rude and aggressive toward my mother than before. There does to be a general loss of inhibition as people age and I think the dementia adds to that.

May not be the healthiest response, but I would probably just start living a parallel life and avoid him as much as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I have told him that I have read articles indicating that men who are depressed often exhibit greater signs of anger, but that again angered him, and he insisted that I am the root of all his problems. I have been begging him for years to get tested for ADHD and, more recently, to see a psychologist about possible depression. He finally got the ADHD testing and was indeed diagnosed after nearly thirty years of my begging him to go. He still refuses to discuss the possibility of depression though.

If this is OP posting the PP then gtfo. He is untreated mental disorders big time.

He’s probably pretty incompetent too so at a minimum he needs to live alone in a small apartment. A nice simple life.

You need to go blossom and have a real life Op.

Live in separate homes. ASAP.

Or divorce, but he’ll be a big albatross around your and the adult kids’ necks forever.

He needs lexapro and prob something for bipolar or borderline. He sounds insane, clinically.
He can’t verbally communicate without raising his voice and yelling. F that.

He sounds like a freak

I’d tell him just that.

Anonymous wrote:I have told him that I have read articles indicating that men who are depressed often exhibit greater signs of anger, but that again angered him, and he insisted that I am the root of all his problems. I have been begging him for years to get tested for ADHD and, more recently, to see a psychologist about possible depression. He finally got the ADHD testing and was indeed diagnosed after nearly thirty years of my begging him to go. He still refuses to discuss the possibility of depression though.

I can only tell you what worked for me, it was drawing a hard line in the sand and saying "fix this or I'm out." And meaning it. Life is short.