Anonymous
Post 04/01/2024 16:54     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a stepparent and have never been divorced, but my guess is that the husbands left all the hard work of parenting the stepkids to the new wife. Cue the stepkids complaining, "You're not my real mom so you can't tell me what to do!" The conflict escalates and the stepkids resent their stepmoms, while the husbands sit on the sidelines, except occasionally buying presents to placate both parties. Eventually, either the kids or the new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.


It's this or the opposite. Husbands and their ex-wives do a nice job of parenting as a team, and the husband lets her know the kids are the number one priority. The husband is in regular contact with his ex-wife, and together, they make schedules and do not seek input from their significant others. Despite all this, kids don't like that stepmom exists as they feel like they are in competition with her for their parent's time, affection, and resources. Stepmom finds that her new marriage doesn't meet her expectations of marriage and family life (most likely, she went in with unreasonable expectations. Otherwise, she never would have married him). The family exists in a constant state of conflicting priorities and divided loyalties. Eventually, the kids or new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 18:21     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not surprised -- the Cinderella effect is real. Most step parents do not treat children well. And that is probably an understatement.


If it's real, please provide some links with legitimate statistics/data that proves stepparents do not treat children well.



Is it "real"? Not only is it real, it is pretty much taken as given by psychologists and sociologists at this point. There are decades of research on this and a simple Googling would tell you that. But this is probably most cited: Daly, M.; Wilson, M. (1985). "Child abuse and other risks of not living with both parents". Ethology and Sociobiology. 6 (4): 197–210.

And a few more:
Gelles, Richard J.; Harrop, John W. (January 1991). "The Risk of Abusive Violence Among Children with Nongenetic Caretakers". Family Relations. 40 (1): 78–83.

White, Lynn (1994). Booth, A.; Dunn, J. (eds.). Stepfamilies. Who benefits? Who does not?. Hillsdale: Lawrence Erlbaum

Anderson, K. G.; Kaplan, H.; Lancaster, J. (1999). "Paternal Care by Genetic Fathers and Stepfathers I". Evolution and Human Behavior. 20 (6): 405–431.

Daly, Martin; Wilson, Margo (November 2005). "The 'Cinderella effect' is no fairy tale". Trends in Cognitive Sciences. 9 (11): 507–508.



Yeah, sad to say this is absolutely real. In these cases, I absolutely blame the biological parents too. Don't remarry if it means you will disregard the needs of your children. I mean, why are the biological dads not equally to blame in the situations the OP describes?


Where are the moms? What did they do to lose custody?
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2024 17:11     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not surprised -- the Cinderella effect is real. Most step parents do not treat children well. And that is probably an understatement.


If it's real, please provide some links with legitimate statistics/data that proves stepparents do not treat children well.



Is it "real"? Not only is it real, it is pretty much taken as given by psychologists and sociologists at this point. There are decades of research on this and a simple Googling would tell you that. But this is probably most cited: Daly, M.; Wilson, M. (1985). "Child abuse and other risks of not living with both parents". Ethology and Sociobiology. 6 (4): 197–210.

And a few more:
Gelles, Richard J.; Harrop, John W. (January 1991). "The Risk of Abusive Violence Among Children with Nongenetic Caretakers". Family Relations. 40 (1): 78–83.

White, Lynn (1994). Booth, A.; Dunn, J. (eds.). Stepfamilies. Who benefits? Who does not?. Hillsdale: Lawrence Erlbaum

Anderson, K. G.; Kaplan, H.; Lancaster, J. (1999). "Paternal Care by Genetic Fathers and Stepfathers I". Evolution and Human Behavior. 20 (6): 405–431.

Daly, Martin; Wilson, Margo (November 2005). "The 'Cinderella effect' is no fairy tale". Trends in Cognitive Sciences. 9 (11): 507–508.



Yeah, sad to say this is absolutely real. In these cases, I absolutely blame the biological parents too. Don't remarry if it means you will disregard the needs of your children. I mean, why are the biological dads not equally to blame in the situations the OP describes?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2024 22:31     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. The step-mothers took custody from the bio dad, and then sent the kids to live with grandparents? Which ones - her parents or his? And where are the real moms?


I’m also confused by what’s going on here.


Be glad you don’t understand. Some men are extremely manipulable and passive and some women are unable to deal with stepchildren. This results in the stepmother “exiling” the stepchild through a variety of means. In my case, it was via stepmother making a huge fuss about adult kids and refusing to let them visit; and sending one minor kid to live with relatives. My father went along with it.


Then it's really the father discarding his children. He made his choices.


Well yes, but the stepmother also bears a lot of fault.


Step mom owes the kids nothing
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 15:51     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
I'm not a stepparent and have never been divorced, but my guess is that the husbands left all the hard work of parenting the stepkids to the new wife. Cue the stepkids complaining, "You're not my real mom so you can't tell me what to do!" The conflict escalates and the stepkids resent their stepmoms, while the husbands sit on the sidelines, except occasionally buying presents to placate both parties. Eventually, either the kids or the new wife forces the dad to choose who stays and who goes.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 12:34     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Troll post.

Classic bigot who wants to stir up trouble about stepmothers.

Absolutely zero about the post makes sense, let alone legal.


Case 1 - Mother of child was a drug addict and had already lost custody of 6 kids. Dad was given kid. Child had significant emotional issues and was more attached to the grandparents. The grandparents said some mean things that kicked off over 15 years of never seeing the child. However step Mom, my friend, insisted on both of them never seeing the child ever again. That said recent events have shown that Dad also never wants to see the child again but that's not surprising given he had free will in it all.

Case 2 - Mother of child died in a sudden car accident. Step Dad tried to adopt but bio Dad won in court. Step Mom adopted child, posted all over social media about how much the child was loved, etc. Then one day posts stopped, child is gone. Don't know what happened just that the child was discarded. Dad never did care (previous to bio Mom he hadn't seen the child in a decade).


In case 1, how has the stepmom sent the kids away? Sounds like you think she should have sent them to their grandparents immediately so I’m not sure what your beef here.

Case 2 sounds like a sucky situation ask around but sounds like you only know about any of it vis social media? How do you know stepmom didn’t stop posting because eg the child asked her to stop since it’s a massive invasion of their privacy?

And to be clear, I do think it’s unkind to cut kids parents out of their lives or agree to parent and then stop but this post reads like you’re putting the worst possible interpretation on events you’ve only heard about tangentially just to be able to generalize unkind things about step mothers.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 10:18     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:Troll post.

Classic bigot who wants to stir up trouble about stepmothers.

Absolutely zero about the post makes sense, let alone legal.


Case 1 - Mother of child was a drug addict and had already lost custody of 6 kids. Dad was given kid. Child had significant emotional issues and was more attached to the grandparents. The grandparents said some mean things that kicked off over 15 years of never seeing the child. However step Mom, my friend, insisted on both of them never seeing the child ever again. That said recent events have shown that Dad also never wants to see the child again but that's not surprising given he had free will in it all.

Case 2 - Mother of child died in a sudden car accident. Step Dad tried to adopt but bio Dad won in court. Step Mom adopted child, posted all over social media about how much the child was loved, etc. Then one day posts stopped, child is gone. Don't know what happened just that the child was discarded. Dad never did care (previous to bio Mom he hadn't seen the child in a decade).
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 10:00     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:I'm not surprised -- the Cinderella effect is real. Most step parents do not treat children well. And that is probably an understatement.


Most try their best. It's not easy being a step parent. There's always drama behind the situation.

And step children tend to have a lot of unconscious anger at the situation, which they mostly aim at the step parent, because it's easier than being angry at their real parents who made the decisions.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 09:57     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
*men
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 09:57     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:I've known two women who had full custody of their step children and even one that adopted the child. Within 2 years they sent the kids away to both the Grandparents and never see the kids anymore. Husbands are both banned from seeing the child. I don't get it. Both the men that put up with it and cruelty of it.


If those men divorced their mother, didn't stay single to raise them and now putting up with step mom drama then they themselves the problem.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 09:50     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:How did the husbands get banned? If the in-laws have custody, what is stopping them from spending time with their own son?


It seems were sent to men or ex's parents and men were under new wives influence so not allowed to interact.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 09:48     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:I've known two women who had full custody of their step children and even one that adopted the child. Within 2 years they sent the kids away to both the Grandparents and never see the kids anymore. Husbands are both banned from seeing the child. I don't get it. Both the men that put up with it and cruelty of it.


That's the reason a married and intact family unit with two responsible parents is important. People need to be ready to do parenting and have partners with whom they can't inly have sex but also raise the product of sex, otherwise get vasectomies or tubal ligation. If something out of control happens, go go getting other partners and expect them to take care of kids, become dedicated parents until kids are 18 and independent.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2024 16:44     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
My husbands ex wife was the one who abused her stepkids. They were removed by cps.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2024 16:25     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
This sounds like the case of bio mothers who are terrible mothers and had custody removed for a reason. And then the stepmother has a hard time parenting the children, the bio father doesn't help, the bio mother only brings conflict, and best scenario for all is for the children to be in a place where all of that is removed.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2024 16:23     Subject: Step parents discarding step kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. The step-mothers took custody from the bio dad, and then sent the kids to live with grandparents? Which ones - her parents or his? And where are the real moms?


I’m also confused by what’s going on here.


Be glad you don’t understand. Some men are extremely manipulable and passive and some women are unable to deal with stepchildren. This results in the stepmother “exiling” the stepchild through a variety of means. In my case, it was via stepmother making a huge fuss about adult kids and refusing to let them visit; and sending one minor kid to live with relatives. My father went along with it.


That scenario I can follow and it is horrible. The OP story I cannot. How can the stepmother take the children away from the father and mother and send them to live with grandparents?