Anonymous wrote:No no no!!!!! He sounds like a loser of the highest order.

Agree that it is BAD (!!!) to move in w/ each other, but what makes you think he is a "loser of the highest order" w/out knowing him????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:good god, no! dump the 25 year old with 2 kids, pronto!

OP is not dating a 25 year old! Her daughter is, so it's the daughter's decision. Many of us here raise adults who make their own decisions. I do see some people, like you, who just raise giant babies who don't make their own decisions.

THIS. The daughter is an adult. If it were my daughter, sure I would strongly ADVISE getting to know the guy a little more before moving in with him. To me it seems very rushed and I would be suspicious of any person wanting to move in together so soon. That said, in this case the daughter is 24 years old. She is a big girl and has to make her own decision(s).

Anonymous wrote:good god, no! dump the 25 year old with 2 kids, pronto!

OP is not dating a 25 year old! Her daughter is, so it's the daughter's decision. Many of us here raise adults who make their own decisions. I do see some people, like you, who just raise giant babies who don't make their own decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her current living situation? Tell her you will help her save up for a down payment if she waits for one year and start looking at houses with her. Pay her rent or have her move in with you for that year. Make sure she is on birth control.

She is on BC, and I am not sure if she will ever be able to save up for a house in this area, maybe she can start saving up for an apartment or condo, I will be fine with that. This is her first year teaching full time, she was subbing last school year, because she graduated college in December 2022.

I like PPs idea - you can tweak it by saying that you’ll help her with the first month / last month renters deposit and parking/storage if she waits a year, or something like that?

Don't talk against the guy, just state the fact that this is too premature to move in without really getting to know anyone.

Tell her to absolutely find a female roommate. Do NOT move in with someone you met a month or two ago. And at her age, someone with kids is looking for someone to help babysit and take care of those kids. She will become entrenched and it will become messy, and it will go south. And she will waste time in her 20/, when she should be focusing on herself and looking for someone who is a good fit for her, shares her values, can lift her up in life (and vice-versa). Not someone with baggage.

Signed,
Someone whose recently-divorced dad had sole custody of me and a younger sibling when we were 5 & 6, and he remarried in haste to find a co-parent, then cheated on wife #2 after a year or so, then left her for wife #3.

Anonymous wrote:I would pay for a place for her to live with roommates rather than allow this. The choice of a spouse is one of the most important ones in life, and being a stepmom at 24 to the kids of a broke guy is a big fat no.

This. If she wants to move out, it would be better to move in with roommates OP, than any significant other.

Does she just want to move out and sees this as the only path?

Anonymous wrote:I would pay for a place for her to live with roommates rather than allow this. The choice of a spouse is one of the most important ones in life, and being a stepmom at 24 to the kids of a broke guy is a big fat no.

What is there to “allow?” The daughter is 24 years old. I agree that this definitely is rushing in. I would surely communicate this to the daughter.

Unlike others, I won’t cast the guy as a loser. I will say the odds are likely stacked against this turning out good, but stranger things have happened.

I would pay for a place for her to live with roommates rather than allow this. The choice of a spouse is one of the most important ones in life, and being a stepmom at 24 to the kids of a broke guy is a big fat no.

That's what seems to be the issue, she wants to live on her own and can't afford rent, he also can't afford his rent, both need someone to share expenses.

Anonymous wrote:What is her current living situation? Tell her you will help her save up for a down payment if she waits for one year and start looking at houses with her. Pay her rent or have her move in with you for that year. Make sure she is on birth control.

She is on BC, and I am not sure if she will ever be able to save up for a house in this area, maybe she can start saving up for an apartment or condo, I will be fine with that. This is her first year teaching full time, she was subbing last school year, because she graduated college in December 2022.

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to watch our adult children make poor decisions. If it doesn't work out let her know she is welcome back home. I'd remind her to use contraception, and to wait to have a child.

Thanks,
and thanks everyone!! She is taking BC, and we still have the right to choice if something happens and I am happy if she move out, but maybe start with roommates or even alone if she wants too, but shouldn't be moving in with someone she doesn't know very well.

What is her current living situation? Tell her you will help her save up for a down payment if she waits for one year and start looking at houses with her. Pay her rent or have her move in with you for that year. Make sure she is on birth control.

This is definitely a recipe for disaster. She needs a place of her own with roommates. She probably wants more freedom from living at home. The biggest worry here is if she gets pregnant. I am willing to bet he has 2 kids at 25 because he refuses to wear protection. It will be no different with OP's daughter, so birth control is entirely on her, and some women at that age start thinking about how great it would be to have kids.

A 25 year old with two kids? Hell no!