Anonymous
02/13/2024 23:06
Subject: Re:Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
I would assume something as short as “hi” was not heard. Or the teen responded softly enough that I did not hear.
Anonymous
02/13/2024 23:01
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:DH sounds like one of those “appearances above all else” people.
Not healthy, imo.
People can be sad. And in public. Your DS experiences a “public humiliation” (?!) and you & DH expect him to put on a fake face & say, “oh hi Mr & Mrs X, how lovely to see you!”
He didn’t punch anyone or a wall, he was humiliated or sad & walked by without returning a superficial greeting. If the kind family witnessed the public humiliation, I think they should not be trying to force him into small talk.
This is so weird, if he was upset & everyone witnessed it, why can’t we let him be upset? He needs to pretend to be fine?
I totally agree. It would be a 3 for me. If this happened and they ignored an acquaintance i would say oh i am so sorry but Larlo had a terrible incident happen yesterday and he’s not fit for human consumption right now. I support my kid.
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:52
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
DH is a horrible person, and your kid will remember this when you are both old and lonely
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:44
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
DH sounds like one of those “appearances above all else” people.
Not healthy, imo.
People can be sad. And in public. Your DS experiences a “public humiliation” (?!) and you & DH expect him to put on a fake face & say, “oh hi Mr & Mrs X, how lovely to see you!”
He didn’t punch anyone or a wall, he was humiliated or sad & walked by without returning a superficial greeting. If the kind family witnessed the public humiliation, I think they should not be trying to force him into small talk.
This is so weird, if he was upset & everyone witnessed it, why can’t we let him be upset? He needs to pretend to be fine?
Not healthy, imo.
People can be sad. And in public. Your DS experiences a “public humiliation” (?!) and you & DH expect him to put on a fake face & say, “oh hi Mr & Mrs X, how lovely to see you!”
He didn’t punch anyone or a wall, he was humiliated or sad & walked by without returning a superficial greeting. If the kind family witnessed the public humiliation, I think they should not be trying to force him into small talk.
This is so weird, if he was upset & everyone witnessed it, why can’t we let him be upset? He needs to pretend to be fine?
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:37
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Is Dh from another culture?
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:31
Subject: Re:Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
We keep chocolate in our house for just such events. We just quietly get a piece (or 10) and hand it to the upset person. It’s our way of being supportive. It usually gets a hug or little smile.
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:09
Subject: Re:Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
3
Anonymous
02/13/2024 22:07
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Poor kid. DH sounds like a. AH to me. No one is at their best after being publicly humiliated. I'm 50 and would feel awful. He's 16 FFS. Dad sounds like he's making it all about himself. SMH
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:39
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:13 or 18? Younger =3 as teens get older it would be -3.
Though again, could be situational. Are they upset because they were rooting for the 49ers or they are upset because they didn’t make the cut for their sports team in high school.
16, something personal and publicly humiliating.
Then 3 for sure
+1
That is the exact reaction I'd expect after public embarrassment. Poor kid, you weren't wrong to say hi but let them process this
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:39
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship to the teen? If you knew they were really upset, you shouldn't have attempted to engage them at all, unless you are close enough to try to offer comfort (bit still not take offense if they don't want your comfort).
It's my ds. I personally agree with you that I would not have engaged, or understood if I did and the kid didn't respond, but to be clear, that family is lovely and they absolutely meant to be kind. My dh meanwhile is PISSED at ds, says there is no excuse and that he is absolutely mortified. He read ds the riot act after we got home, which to me was not a good idea as ds is already dealing with the humiliating thing that happened. I think telling him he needs to apologize when he sees them is enough. DH is basically saying we raised ds to be insanely rude, that he is so ashamed of him.
Gee, where did your kid learn to be volatile?
Neither are volatile people.
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:38
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship to the teen? If you knew they were really upset, you shouldn't have attempted to engage them at all, unless you are close enough to try to offer comfort (bit still not take offense if they don't want your comfort).
It's my ds. I personally agree with you that I would not have engaged, or understood if I did and the kid didn't respond, but to be clear, that family is lovely and they absolutely meant to be kind. My dh meanwhile is PISSED at ds, says there is no excuse and that he is absolutely mortified. He read ds the riot act after we got home, which to me was not a good idea as ds is already dealing with the humiliating thing that happened. I think telling him he needs to apologize when he sees them is enough. DH is basically saying we raised ds to be insanely rude, that he is so ashamed of him.
Gee, where did your kid learn to be volatile?
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:37
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship to the teen? If you knew they were really upset, you shouldn't have attempted to engage them at all, unless you are close enough to try to offer comfort (bit still not take offense if they don't want your comfort).
It's my ds. I personally agree with you that I would not have engaged, or understood if I did and the kid didn't respond, but to be clear, that family is lovely and they absolutely meant to be kind. My dh meanwhile is PISSED at ds, says there is no excuse and that he is absolutely mortified. He read ds the riot act after we got home, which to me was not a good idea as ds is already dealing with the humiliating thing that happened. I think telling him he needs to apologize when he sees them is enough. DH is basically saying we raised ds to be insanely rude, that he is so ashamed of him.
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:32
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
What is your relationship to the teen? If you knew they were really upset, you shouldn't have attempted to engage them at all, unless you are close enough to try to offer comfort (bit still not take offense if they don't want your comfort).
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:19
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
PP here- Why, take offense, unless you were absolutely certain offense was intended.
I am always for giving grace.
(except on occasion toward certain rude and obnoxious anonymous posters on DCUM)
I am always for giving grace.
(except on occasion toward certain rude and obnoxious anonymous posters on DCUM)
Anonymous
02/13/2024 20:19
Subject: Rude, sort of rude or forgivable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:13 or 18? Younger =3 as teens get older it would be -3.
Though again, could be situational. Are they upset because they were rooting for the 49ers or they are upset because they didn’t make the cut for their sports team in high school.
16, something personal and publicly humiliating.
Then 3 for sure