I completely relate and sandwich generation issues threw me over the edge. I do find exercise, outdoor time, meeting up with a friend, date with husband helps, but I also had to set major boundaries.

I won't bore you with how I set boundaries on the elderly parent front, but on the parent front, I chose my battles and am more careful with favors. For my NT child I am over doing favors for her friend's parents unless I owe them or it's an emergency.

For the child with SN front, I throw money more at issues. The hoops you go through to get a mediocre service at the school are a waste. I'm over all the emails and calls and meetings to get an IEP followed when you have that 1 person who just refuses. I am done hiring advocates or a lawyer unless it is really stinking bad. I just get the service from a professional who's livelihood depends on doing a decent job. If a teacher or professional does a good job at school, I throw money there-a generous gift card at the holidays and a thank you note to principal.

I figure I am in survival mode. I cannot fall apart. I protect my peace.

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with worrying less about your kid all day? I don’t mean this to sound snarky.
But I can’t tell if you are unable to function in other areas or if this is just some healthy compartmentalization. It is ok not to be anxious about your kid all day long — it really is. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to realize that all this worrying isn’t going to change a thing.

+1 Worrying/wondering/hoping isn't doing anything. Why would getting back to that be the goal. I'm sure some of that was contributing to your fatigue, and maybe you're shutting down is a way to get out of it. I hit bottom before and I don't worry about my kid anymore. I spend more of my time and money doing the things that support me (exercise, therapy, eating well, etc.) and everything will be what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, in retrospect, I can see the whole SN/school experience gave me PTSD. It was a kind of institutional betrayal trauma - I started off trusting educational institutions and had numerous experiences starting in K-3 that clearly demonstrated that I was sending my kid daily to a place that did not have his best interests at heart, did not understand his disability and, worse, consistently interpreted his disability in negative ways (lazy, disobedient, stupid, etc.)

I wish I had gotten therapy for myself as an individual to cope with all that. The PTSD made me exhausted and avoidant.

Totally had/have PTSD myself from the experiences. I wonder if a lot of us do. I absolutely had a similar experience with schools, but also with medical professionals who blew us off and/or seemed to blame us for things.

Yes. Exactly this. It's hard to explain the nuance of the stress/trauma/PTSD to others, but it's very real...

Definitely carve out a time when you give yourself a break from worrying or actively trying to address an issue re: DC. I think a lot of us fall into the trap of trying to control everything because we know that no other entity will care as much as we do. There is advocating and then there is burning yourself out until you aren't thinking clearly.

Sleep, move your body, hydrate, eat rather than always grazing and snacking, keep your notes about DC in one place like a spiral notebook or a Google doc, remember to lighten up around DC sometimes--it shouldn't always be about therapies, schoolwork, social stuff--enjoy downtime together.

We've all been there, OP

Like a pp said, work is my therapy. Try to find something you enjoy - a flower shop, a library, etc. I have to constantly work on remembering that worry cannot protect my child. It can only drain me so I am less able to be the parent he needs. It can get better. Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, in retrospect, I can see the whole SN/school experience gave me PTSD. It was a kind of institutional betrayal trauma - I started off trusting educational institutions and had numerous experiences starting in K-3 that clearly demonstrated that I was sending my kid daily to a place that did not have his best interests at heart, did not understand his disability and, worse, consistently interpreted his disability in negative ways (lazy, disobedient, stupid, etc.)

I wish I had gotten therapy for myself as an individual to cope with all that. The PTSD made me exhausted and avoidant.

Totally had/have PTSD myself from the experiences. I wonder if a lot of us do. I absolutely had a similar experience with schools, but also with medical professionals who blew us off and/or seemed to blame us for things.

Honestly, in retrospect, I can see the whole SN/school experience gave me PTSD. It was a kind of institutional betrayal trauma - I started off trusting educational institutions and had numerous experiences starting in K-3 that clearly demonstrated that I was sending my kid daily to a place that did not have his best interests at heart, did not understand his disability and, worse, consistently interpreted his disability in negative ways (lazy, disobedient, stupid, etc.)

I wish I had gotten therapy for myself as an individual to cope with all that. The PTSD made me exhausted and avoidant.

Yes. I’ve added also.

Have you tried adjusting his meds?

I feel like I could have written this. Everyday there are more and more issues that arise. I am completely burnt out. We don’t have family nearby. I’m in therapy, on meds, do mindfulness, exercise. I need a vacation from my life!!

Right there with you. Sending love.