Both my sister and I are incredibly close with our in-laws and see them as much if not more than our own families (who we are also close with). Both sets of in-laws are very kind and generous grandparents and that relationship has really helped us all become a family - they adore our kids, love to spend time with them. That love has bonded us I think. it gives me hope for my own boys, hopefully we are modeling a healthy relationship with extended family generally.

This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

We’re taking turns talking to my MIL right now. I like and see her way more than my mom! I’m way closer to her since having my DD and love spending time with her.

No. Things are changing. It is 2024. Most people do not even want to get married. People also divorce. Do not raise doormat weak sons. You will be fine.

I think about this a lot. I think the upshot is that you need to be the type of person that your kids want to have a relationship with, and you need to model for them the important of family.
DH is one of two boys and I now have two boys. MIL and I had a good relationship until we had kids. Then she started being extremely difficult to be around for reasons I won’t get into. I realized that she was not a very nice person but that I had glossed over it/she had never trained her venom on me before.
I am still cordial/polite, and I facilitate her seeing our kids (weekly facetime, visits, etc). But because of the way that she’s treated us, DH only sees/talks to her out of obligation and not because he enjoys her company. Even with how much this woman has hurt me, I can’t tell you how sad I find this whole situation. I actually am usually the one pushing for us to do more because, as a mom, I would be so heartbroken if my kids felt this way about me, and I imagine it’s hard for her. But I also think - why didn’t she invest in more meaningful relationships with her kids over the years? Why does she say such mean and insensitive things to and about me and us? We have gone around and around, and the obstacle to a deeper relationship is her. So just don’t be like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The odds are not great but I do know families who buck this general rule. Prob best chances are if your son marries someone who isn’t close with her family/whose family s*cks

Not true. They'll resent his bond as they haven't experienced value of family.

I disagree. As someone who has had issues with my family of origin, I love my in-laws! I’m so grateful for them and appreciate that my kids can witness a close, healthy family bond.

Happens but not the norm. Spouses coming from stable families tend to understand value of stable families.

Another DIL who loves her MIL more than her mom checking in. I actually value a stable family more than my spouse who came from a stable family because I know what dysfunction does to you emotionally, financially and generationally.

OP, my MIL treated me like her daughter from day one. I got family recipes, gifts for Xmas even when we were dating, and she really made an effort to know me outside of my marriage to her son. Love your DILs right and they’ll love you back.

Anonymous wrote:Be wealthy, everyone wants to visit.

A lot of truth to this. Have money that your kids want to have access to.

If you and hypothetical DIL get along really well and live nearby then yeah you probably will see them regularly.

There are so many dynamics that go into how often you’ll see kids once they have their own family and a spouse. It’s impossible to say rn.

Be wealthy, everyone wants to visit.

* or have seen and learned skills to reapply.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The odds are not great but I do know families who buck this general rule. Prob best chances are if your son marries someone who isn’t close with her family/whose family s*cks

Not true. They'll resent his bond as they haven't experienced value of family.

I disagree. As someone who has had issues with my family of origin, I love my in-laws! I’m so grateful for them and appreciate that my kids can witness a close, healthy family bond.

Happens but not the norm. Spouses coming from stable families tend to understand value of stable families.

You'll probably see more of them if they are gay than if they have a wife.

Teach your sons how to be good people and husbands as if their girlfriends or wives aren't happy with them, its unlikely for them to feel much for their families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The odds are not great but I do know families who buck this general rule. Prob best chances are if your son marries someone who isn’t close with her family/whose family s*cks

Not true. They'll resent his bond as they haven't experienced value of family.

I disagree. As someone who has had issues with my family of origin, I love my in-laws! I’m so grateful for them and appreciate that my kids can witness a close, healthy family bond.

Make space for the DIL in your family. Welcome their traditions and lean into things that they do and like. I actually see the moms lean into thing that their daughters like all the time, but have never seen them become more like their son or DIL.

Raise sons that like to celebrate holidays with you, that buy presents for you all, that call you. My dh (who is a good son!!) actually didn't know anyone's birthday when we got married. I couldn't believe he didn't know his mom's birthday as a 26 year old. I looked like a fool that first year until I marked them all on our joint calendar.