Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got TMS therapy and it has worked wonders. For insurance to cover it you have to have tried several different medications without success and be suffering refractory depression, but if you can pay out of pocket you are good to go - however it is very expensive.

To maintain positive mental health I prioritize sleep hygiene, spend at least a half hour and usually longer in front of a lightbox every early morning, walk outdoors in the woods as often as possible, avoid watching news and spend a lot of time cuddling my wee collie dog.

Someone on this forum recommended the book Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts, which I got from the library but haven’t yet read. It looks good and is highly rated so you might want to check it out or buy a copy.

what is TMS therapy?

https://inspirebehavioralhealth.com/tms

Anonymous wrote:Also tracking my monthly cycle and knowing where I am on it and mentally preparing myself for everything, including suicidal ideation, mood swings, cravings, physical changes, that goes along with it.

I took half a dose of my antidepressant in the beginning of the cycle and full dose the second half of the cycle before the period. This helped.

Sobriety, specifically working a program and taking that "fearless moral inventory" part seriously. I had to acknowledge that I was contributing to my own unhappiness, and could actually change a great deal to make myself happier by taking responsibility for my life.

Therapy, sober friends who were also doing their work/therapy, and learning to just let feelings be feelings instead of taking them seriously/treating them like facts.

It's a practice, and I'm still practicing.

Just want to make sure OP, you mean occasional suicide idealization, not daily and not with a plan right?

I exercise daily and get outside daily in all weather. I focus on gratitude. I focus on action. So if there is some cause really upsetting me, I figure out what little things I can do to do my part. I also have really learned how to set boundaries with highly toxic people. I no longer need people to like me. I simply need respect. I also am really careful what extra activities I agree to.

Also, if a friend is in need with anything from a new baby to being wiped out by lupus and bedridden, I now focus on ways I can help that I truly want to do rather than feeling I must offer anything and everything or I am bad and dealing with endless guilt that I am not doing enough. I don't even want to clean my own house let alone my toilets, so no need for me to offer to clean, but if I can afford I will offer to go in on a cleaning service with a friend to help. I really only want to cook for my family, but I will bring over some Wegmans meal to the friend now instead of feeling it must be homemade.

If I had to chose the 2 things that that made the biggest difference it's exercise and boundaries with toxic people.

Some good advice on this thread. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:Remember that for many people, suicide is an escape fantasy. It's not that you really want to be dead - it's that you are so miserable in your current circumstance that you are increasingly desperate to end it.

Also, suicide does not end the pain. It just passes it along to someone else.

that's what it is.
I'm stuck in a cancer check up routine, probably forever. I am DESPERATE not to have to continuously worry about this to the point where sometimes the only thing that lets me sleep at night and makes me feel like I have any power is that i COULD 'exit'. which is ironic considering the point of monitoring is to keep you alive.
I honestly sometimes wonder if knowing you have cancer and treating it is worth the sword of damocles feeling forever.

Anonymous wrote:I got TMS therapy and it has worked wonders. For insurance to cover it you have to have tried several different medications without success and be suffering refractory depression, but if you can pay out of pocket you are good to go - however it is very expensive.

To maintain positive mental health I prioritize sleep hygiene, spend at least a half hour and usually longer in front of a lightbox every early morning, walk outdoors in the woods as often as possible, avoid watching news and spend a lot of time cuddling my wee collie dog.

Someone on this forum recommended the book Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts, which I got from the library but haven’t yet read. It looks good and is highly rated so you might want to check it out or buy a copy.

what is TMS therapy?

Remember that for many people, suicide is an escape fantasy. It's not that you really want to be dead - it's that you are so miserable in your current circumstance that you are increasingly desperate to end it.

Also, suicide does not end the pain. It just passes it along to someone else.

For me volunteering and getting a pet.

Have you tried Spravato or TMS? Both are for treatment-resistent depression.

https://inspirebehavioralhealth.com/

Yes to DBT therapy! I’m a DBT therapist and I see my clients transformed by learning these skills and incorporating them into their daily lives! The changes are remarkable especially in conjunction w meds if indicated.

DBT and sobriety did it for my spouse.

A lot of the stuff in here. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/709261/how-not-to-kill-yourself-by-clancy-martin/

All the ways attempts can go wrong and leave you disfigured, paralyzed, worse. Thinking about the effect on my family.

A new job. A new wife. Going no contact with my mother.

Medication just made me feel listless. Identifying and removing my triggers was life changing/saving.

Our teen struggled with suicidal ideation for several years. We tried medications and several therapists as well as partial residential and full residential treatment centers. Things changed but our teen never got "better".

What finally worked was a different combination of drugs. Honestly, when we hit the right combination, it was like the sun came up for the first time in years. (Escitalopram and Fluoxetine)

It's hard. It is so very very hard. I hope that you find peace.