It's talk between two men. About a frickin movie. Get a grip on yourself. Why are you reading his texts anyway?

Anonymous wrote:"We’ve been in affair recovery for awhile"

Incorrect. You have been in recovery. He doesnt GAF with the way he's talking to other people. He's lying to your face.

+100000. Agreed that he doesn’t GAF and he’s lying.

You are not overreacting at all. I’d be pissed.

Anonymous wrote:Those two texts are a sign you married a kind of scuzzy guy who hangs out with other scuzzy guys.

DH would definitely comment on a sexy scene in a movie if it came up in conversation, but reaching out to a friend to . . . what, recommend it? with emojis?? is very strange homosocial bonding for an adult man.

And for your "mutual" friend to make the cookie jar comment tells me two things: 1) he doesn't think cheating is a big deal, and 2) he knows your DH has done much more than what he got caught doing.

+1. And he will cheat on you again.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to stay with him?

Probably money.

I don’t get why women like you even post this. What’s the point? You’ll never leave this animal. Admit that you enjoy the abuse and have zero self respect.

Anonymous wrote:DH would definitely comment on a sexy scene in a movie if it came up in conversation, but reaching out to a friend to . . . what, recommend it? with emojis?? is very strange homosocial bonding for an adult man.

This. I raised an eyebrow.

Him and his buddies love to bond over sexual conquests and that is a red flag for so many reasons

Anonymous wrote:Those two texts are a sign you married a kind of scuzzy guy who hangs out with other scuzzy guys.

DH would definitely comment on a sexy scene in a movie if it came up in conversation, but reaching out to a friend to . . . what, recommend it? with emojis?? is very strange homosocial bonding for an adult man.

And for your "mutual" friend to make the cookie jar comment tells me two things: 1) he doesn't think cheating is a big deal, and 2) he knows your DH has done much more than what he got caught doing.

+1

I have been in "affair recovery" and part of the process of rebuilding trust is allowing access to each other's devices/social media etc

I did come across some texts that I was unhappy with. It sucks. I'm sorry OP. For me, it was one step backward but ultimately 2 steps forward.

Stuff happens. Obviously your DH is flawed (as we all are). If he can own this texting mistake, I would just call it part of the process. If he thinks it's NBD, then you have more of a challenge.

I went through this 12 years ago. It was about a year before I stopped checking his texts, but we still have access to each other's devices etc. And are happily married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been in affair recovery for awhile. He made a remark on text to a male friend of his about a scene we saw in a show recently that was a sex scene/steamy and noted he was “forever changed” with a smiley face. The scene was with a married man and a younger woman. I’m upset but also realize I might be over reacting. I think I’m combination to seeing a text where a mutual male friend said to another mutual friend that my husband “got his hand caught in the cookie jar” referring to the affair I’m just kind of disgusted

How did you come to see this text?

Normally, I'd say you're overreacting and to roll your eyes, but in your circumstances I understand why you are upset.

But I don't understand how you came to see the text. That matters.

She clearly has full access to his devices, accounts, etc. She probably checks his phone multiple times a day.

This is what she thinks "affair recovery" is.

There is clearly no trust and never will be again. Buckle up, he's going to step out again and again. He and his friends don't respect you.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently mine!

If you're being honest here this is a deal breaker he's way to immature to be married. Cut your losses. Do you have kids with this animal?

One of the first thing my husband did was dump fellow cheater friends, friends that don’t respect their marriage or others. He learned to hang around men that mirror the values he respects and sees in himself. Guys are awful- women can be like this too—they can be alibis and encourage this stuff and it is normalized behavior in their friend groups. They aren’t judged for being a liar/cheater/adulterer. In fact, they trade war stories and encourage one another and laugh about it. The woman my spouse cheated with had the same type of friends: fellow cheaters. The “I have a right to happiness” everyone else be damned and it’s good for my kids to see me happy (while I go blow someone behind dad’s back).

I’d be highly disturbed by those types of messages and it indicates his behavior and line of thinking has not changed.

It’s like I tell my kids: birds of a feather flock together. Who you choose to hang out with matters.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to stay with him?

This.

If you can be financially independent, file for divorce and keep your health if you still have it. He is putting you at risk.

If you are not, work toward it and then file

Apparently mine!

What grown adult man texts his friends like that? This has to be a troll.