Anonymous wrote:I guess she could go on the apps

serioously? do teens really do this?

My DH has told me he was advanced at 14. But both DS 15 and 17 who are very handsome, have not had girlfriends. I was in college for my first kiss.

OP, do you want your girls to be advanced?

You don't really know what they're doing OP.

Your older DD could be gay and hasn't come to terms with that. She could be doing all sorts of things. You don't actually know. Don't worry about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um maybe personality or other things matter more than just level of prettiness? What an extremely petty post. Hard to believe mothers reduce their own daughters value down to beauty- this is what we all grow up with.

OP here. Of course appearance is the least important thing. Both DDs are intelligent, funny, and athletic. However, let’s be honest; teenage boys tend to focus on looks, especially if it’s just a crush and not a real relationship. Plus, 16 yo is relatively shy/reserved, whereas 15 yo is much more outgoing. Personality takes longer to see in someone than outward appearance.

This is it right here. Contrary to popular belief, teenage boys are not determined horny aholes trying to score. Most are pretty insecure & have no idea what they are doing. So looks matter less than the girl who is outgoing, who talks to them, who actually seems interested in them. They do not have the confidence to pursue a pretty girl who shows no interest in talking to them - but will pursue the one who initiates conversation, jokes around with the group, is more extroverted, etc.

This.

To quote the kids, your younger daughter has rizz (charisma). And as the mom of 3 teenage boys who don’t have rizz, they aren’t pursuing anyone.

“Bros” don’t got “rizz” *question mark* *sobbing emoji*

(Teen speak sort of response).

In all seriousness though, I do somewhat agree with PP… but also it’s different with girls. If a girl is attractive and puts in a modicum of effort she would be able to at the very least get kissed.

There’s some sort of mismatch of expectations here, like she’s aiming too high and not attractive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um maybe personality or other things matter more than just level of prettiness? What an extremely petty post. Hard to believe mothers reduce their own daughters value down to beauty- this is what we all grow up with.

OP here. Of course appearance is the least important thing. Both DDs are intelligent, funny, and athletic. However, let’s be honest; teenage boys tend to focus on looks, especially if it’s just a crush and not a real relationship. Plus, 16 yo is relatively shy/reserved, whereas 15 yo is much more outgoing. Personality takes longer to see in someone than outward appearance.

This is it right here. Contrary to popular belief, teenage boys are not determined horny aholes trying to score. Most are pretty insecure & have no idea what they are doing. So looks matter less than the girl who is outgoing, who talks to them, who actually seems interested in them. They do not have the confidence to pursue a pretty girl who shows no interest in talking to them - but will pursue the one who initiates conversation, jokes around with the group, is more extroverted, etc.

This.

To quote the kids, your younger daughter has rizz (charisma). And as the mom of 3 teenage boys who don’t have rizz, they aren’t pursuing anyone.

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

She has unrealistic standards
I.e. the kids who have crushes on her she’d never entertain liking them back.

Or she’s not as attractive as you think she is.

Or she has a bad personality along with some other hangup that both holds her back and makes her unapproachable.

Or she’s gay in a small school with no other lesbians

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um maybe personality or other things matter more than just level of prettiness? What an extremely petty post. Hard to believe mothers reduce their own daughters value down to beauty- this is what we all grow up with.

OP here. Of course appearance is the least important thing. Both DDs are intelligent, funny, and athletic. However, let’s be honest; teenage boys tend to focus on looks, especially if it’s just a crush and not a real relationship. Plus, 16 yo is relatively shy/reserved, whereas 15 yo is much more outgoing. Personality takes longer to see in someone than outward appearance.

Appearance isn’t the least important thing. They are immature at this age and boys aren’t going to date the overweight girl with frizzy hair because the other boys would make fun of him. Girls can be just as bad, “he’s too short!” They gain maturity and realize they want the guy who makes them laugh or likes to have serious conversations or whatever they were looking for.

I agree about Snapchat and being forward/obviously interested. My best friends daughter is 16 and always has a boyfriend. But it’s weird, they are always guys who go to other schools and often they seem to be guys who don’t have their own real friend group. She meets them on Snapchat and might have some mutual acquaintances, she jumps right to dating them and then it ends and they disappear. I get the sense they really aren’t very meaningful - relationships that come out hot like that end when the hormone rush abates. I think people who are busy with lots of friends and activities maybe are more careful about who they are interested in.

Also - Girls who have friendships with boys tend to be the first to date, so if her friend circle is all girls, that’s maybe why. My daughter is 16 and has had a few relationships and every one was someone she was friends with first. She is very girly but can talk to boys as easily as she does girls. A lot of girls and guys are so shy still around the opposite sex, it’s hard to make a relationship happen pushing through all that awkwardness.

Personality. There's something about her personality. Or she gives off the vibe that she wouldn't put out.

Why are you focused on this aspect of her life? Is she doing well in school, have good friends, and is generally happy? If so, this is a you problem.

Anonymous wrote:Um maybe personality or other things matter more than just level of prettiness? What an extremely petty post. Hard to believe mothers reduce their own daughters value down to beauty- this is what we all grow up with.

Someone doesn’t know how to read.

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

But you clearly do

My 16 DD has her first BF now ( 6 mths ) and I was a little concerned that she would go off to college not having this experience up until now. She’s pretty, smart, focused on her sport, and introverted. In my opinion of course. Now I am more worried that she has been limiting options because of this boy and that’s another issue I hadn’t thought about before now which I wish I didn’t have to worry about. That said, I want her to get her first crush/ love/ boyfriend drama full realized before college. Her younger brother and sister and equally uninterested in dating at their ages of 15 and 13 ( thank god )

In my experience (daughters are 14 and 17), the girls who have a lot of male interest from 14 or 15 on up are 1)good at snapping boys on Snapchat 2)good at talking about boy related interests: --mainly sports (that she plays, he plays, they both play, they watch or follow, etc.)

I haven't found it to be an issue of the popular girl being easy or fast. Rather, just very easy to talk to or relate to by the boys.

You WANT your 16 year old to be sexually active? WTF?