Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

This goes back to what many have be saying about dating. Stop dating to look for your husband. Date to be in a relationship. If that relationship turns out great and you find a husband - perfect. But, trying to only date men who think think (again, think) will be your husband is a horrible way of going about dating. Too many women do this and later on regret it.

The goal of dating is not to date potential husbands. The goal of dating is to find someone you can be with in a strong relationship. If that relationship happens to lead to marriage then that's great. But, expecting ever relationship to have potential marriage is a disaster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

This goes back to what many have be saying about dating. Stop dating to look for your husband. Date to be in a relationship. If that relationship turns out great and you find a husband - perfect. But, trying to only date men who think think (again, think) will be your husband is a horrible way of going about dating. Too many women do this and later on regret it.

The goal of dating is not to date potential husbands. The goal of dating is to find someone you can be with in a strong relationship. If that relationship happens to lead to marriage then that's great. But, expecting ever relationship to have potential marriage is a disaster.

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

I agree- of course more is better. It can take time to weed through all of the crappy ones/ it’s what I don’t online date anymore- but desirability leads to confidence. Confidence is sexy

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm traumatized by sex from the past and just can't do casual sex so it's awful for me. Being with a new random guy every four months in bed just makes me feel sick. Hoping as I age there are more groups for single people to join to jut do non sexual activities with so I don't have to date anymore.

Today’s OLD hookup culture is nasty even for those not traumatized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes less pressure but IMO once you're in your 50s it's not fun for most men and women to be in the dating game. After having fun most people want some kind of life partner and this is pretty hard to find as the options dwindle.

Presumably though someone who has gone through a divorce has come to terms with not having a life partner.

Anonymous wrote:I'm traumatized by sex from the past and just can't do casual sex so it's awful for me. Being with a new random guy every four months in bed just makes me feel sick. Hoping as I age there are more groups for single people to join to jut do non sexual activities with so I don't have to date anymore.

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 turning 46 this Saturday 😊. I have been divorced for 1 year and just started dating about 2 weeks ago. I must say I’m pleasantly surprised by the options I have had so far on OLD as a divorced dad. I have heard stories about men struggling on OLD but so far really beautiful and kind ladies have reached out. As the OP eloquently stated I equally do not feel any pressure at all. My divorce was amicable, we handled (so far) the impact on our teens well and are co-parenting well together. It could just be my luck so far but the woman I’m currently dating is 38 and she doesn’t want to have kids. Perhaps because I don’t feel any pressure to have a partner(I am not afraid to be alone or die alone) I am
more myself and interesting to be around. Men do worse than women after divorce and then to jump right into new relationships. Why? There is no pressure guys. Enjoy your kids if you have any and seek the company of a lady or guy if you want a partner or just a friend. In my opinion the biggest issue with people post divorce is that fear of being alone especially once you are past a certain age. And men do have an advantage I think. If you are a good guy, you are going to have a lot of options.