Anonymous
02/04/2024 00:43
Subject: Question for Supervisors: Is it disrespectful to call in to a meeting vs. MS TEAMS?
Poster who wrote original comment here.Anonymous wrote:
As for caring about your work, get in a line of work that you care about.
As for the people thing, you need to do some reflection and maybe consider therapy. It strikes me that you have an issue with people in authority. Your gut response is to see them as the enemy and to respond accordingly. Why is that?
Did you or your family have some pivotal experiences? Did you heavily engage in university classes that stressed oppressor/victim relationships? If so, you need to re-evaluate this line of thinking because it’s not productive.
EVERY relationship has power dynamics, but that doesn’t mean every relationship has to be antagonistic. For example, a parent has a lot of power over a child, but that power can be used to provide for and guide the child to positive outcomes, like financial independence and emotional maturity.
Likewise, the child - perhaps unknowingly - has power over their parent. When a child responds well to the parent, the parent is proud and wants to help even more.
Cynically, this could be interpreted as manipulation, but it is also love. Love is when someone extends themselves for your benefit. The love cycle works best when it is met with appreciation and reciprocation.
OP Here
Authority INCORRECT- I don't have problems with authority. I don't have any problems with following, obeying, and taking orders from a leader, no matter the race, color, orientation/income. In the past, I worked menial jobs, and I hold absolute respect for people brave enough to lead. I think this has helped me go very far in life. I think the problem is that often leaders abuse this dynamic and start asking so much of me that I break.
University-CORRECT! I studied counseling, and it was a very draining and demanding field filled with underpaid young women who could barely care for themselves. So yes, I definitely felt the oppressor/victim relationship dynamic during my studies and chose a different area of study. I also had a bad experience with a trusted male boss that forever changed how I viewed the professional world.
Relationships- CORRECT! I had a miscarriage once at work, and my boss told me that she had three miscarriages. I knew immediately that my health, feelings, and experiences did not matter in the work world. All that matters is that I maintain the relationship hierarchy with my boss, feeling in power.
Appreciation/Reciprocation: CORRECT! I am learning how to reciprocate in my job. I am easily offended, and so many things that my boss says make my blood boil. But I ignore the comments, do my job, and try to be a results-oriented employee.
Once again, I appreciate your responses and sharing your observations based on my comments. While this is difficult to accept and demoralizing, I know that I have to change if I expect to earn any more money.
Good luck, OP. You seem very open to honest feedback and assessment, which is promising.
One final comment: based on your last thoughts, work has included some bad experiences for you - bosses abused power, a trusted male boss betrayed you, work might have caused or cared less about your health/miscarriage. I can see how that might create a dynamic where you want to standup for yourself and set boundaries. That’s fair.
But, especially in a new job, be very careful about these presumptions. If you start pushing back against a new boss based on old experiences that have nothing to do with them, they’re not going to understand where you’re coming from. Over time, they’ll become frustrated with you, which you may then interpret as proof that they’re a jerk, just like your other bosses.
In other words, you need to understand your past experiences, but you must break the cycle of seeing every boss as the enemy. If you truly have an abusive boss, leave, of course.
Anonymous
02/04/2024 00:21
Subject: Question for Supervisors: Is it disrespectful to call in to a meeting vs. MS TEAMS?
Poster who wrote original comment here.
As for caring about your work, get in a line of work that you care about.
As for the people thing, you need to do some reflection and maybe consider therapy. It strikes me that you have an issue with people in authority. Your gut response is to see them as the enemy and to respond accordingly. Why is that?
Did you or your family have some pivotal experiences? Did you heavily engage in university classes that stressed oppressor/victim relationships? If so, you need to re-evaluate this line of thinking because it’s not productive.
EVERY relationship has power dynamics, but that doesn’t mean every relationship has to be antagonistic. For example, a parent has a lot of power over a child, but that power can be used to provide for and guide the child to positive outcomes, like financial independence and emotional maturity.
Likewise, the child - perhaps unknowingly - has power over their parent. When a child responds well to the parent, the parent is proud and wants to help even more.
Cynically, this could be interpreted as manipulation, but it is also love. Love is when someone extends themselves for your benefit. The love cycle works best when it is met with appreciation and reciprocation.
As for caring about your work, get in a line of work that you care about.
As for the people thing, you need to do some reflection and maybe consider therapy. It strikes me that you have an issue with people in authority. Your gut response is to see them as the enemy and to respond accordingly. Why is that?
Did you or your family have some pivotal experiences? Did you heavily engage in university classes that stressed oppressor/victim relationships? If so, you need to re-evaluate this line of thinking because it’s not productive.
EVERY relationship has power dynamics, but that doesn’t mean every relationship has to be antagonistic. For example, a parent has a lot of power over a child, but that power can be used to provide for and guide the child to positive outcomes, like financial independence and emotional maturity.
Likewise, the child - perhaps unknowingly - has power over their parent. When a child responds well to the parent, the parent is proud and wants to help even more.
Cynically, this could be interpreted as manipulation, but it is also love. Love is when someone extends themselves for your benefit. The love cycle works best when it is met with appreciation and reciprocation.
OP Here
Authority INCORRECT- I don't have problems with authority. I don't have any problems with following, obeying, and taking orders from a leader, no matter the race, color, orientation/income. In the past, I worked menial jobs, and I hold absolute respect for people brave enough to lead. I think this has helped me go very far in life. I think the problem is that often leaders abuse this dynamic and start asking so much of me that I break.
University-CORRECT! I studied counseling, and it was a very draining and demanding field filled with underpaid young women who could barely care for themselves. So yes, I definitely felt the oppressor/victim relationship dynamic during my studies and chose a different area of study. I also had a bad experience with a trusted male boss that forever changed how I viewed the professional world.
Relationships- CORRECT! I had a miscarriage once at work, and my boss told me that she had three miscarriages. I knew immediately that my health, feelings, and experiences did not matter in the work world. All that matters is that I maintain the relationship hierarchy with my boss, feeling in power.
Appreciation/Reciprocation: CORRECT! I am learning how to reciprocate in my job. I am easily offended, and so many things that my boss says make my blood boil. But I ignore the comments, do my job, and try to be a results-oriented employee.
Once again, I appreciate your responses and sharing your observations based on my comments. While this is difficult to accept and demoralizing, I know that I have to change if I expect to earn any more money.