Yes, thank you for providing the update. You've given me a new perspective on my job as well. Better get back to work!

Anonymous wrote:OP here, two years later. I took the job and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. If you have small kids and a family friendly flexible job, stay put! Don't make the same mistake I did.

OP, you are awesome for providing the update! I am currently interviewing for jobs and looked this thread up. It is very helpful to see how things have worked out thus far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the website promote "work life" balance? If they do than broadly ask, "what does that mean exactly?". Esp. after you have a firm offer. The HR person will tell you to take it up w/ Hiring Manager most likely and clear the air there, but use that as an opportunity for an open discussion.

Which company is going to tell you that they do not promote work life balance? I interviewed for a position where the two managers went on and on about how family friendly the place was. In reality, it was the complete opposite-it was work life balance and family friendly as long as you fulfilled the numerous deadlines and demands. I missed DC's daycare Halloween party, I had to cancel time off that I had scheduled due to something that came up the last minute. Fortunately, I was able to transfer to a more reasonable environment after 1 1/2 years but that was a very stressful period especially when DH traveled and I had to do drop off and pick up.

OP, if flexibility is key which is the case for many parents with young kids, salary is 125K, short commute, telework, etc., I personally would not take the risk of giving up your current situation.

I did the HR for a company that was not at ALL family friendly, and I used to love it when people asked us this question. It allowed me to be honest and tell them that it was a news cycle driven organization and as such was not always as flexible as other more conventional positions might be blah blah blah. So yeah, not all organizations want to be seen as being family friendly.

FWIW I left that place after I had my first child because, well, duh.

Sorry, OP I didn't realize this was an old thread until I saw your update. Big hugs...I know there's a benefit that you did this somewhere...silver lining??

Anonymous wrote:Does the website promote "work life" balance? If they do than broadly ask, "what does that mean exactly?". Esp. after you have a firm offer. The HR person will tell you to take it up w/ Hiring Manager most likely and clear the air there, but use that as an opportunity for an open discussion.

Which company is going to tell you that they do not promote work life balance? I interviewed for a position where the two managers went on and on about how family friendly the place was. In reality, it was the complete opposite-it was work life balance and family friendly as long as you fulfilled the numerous deadlines and demands. I missed DC's daycare Halloween party, I had to cancel time off that I had scheduled due to something that came up the last minute. Fortunately, I was able to transfer to a more reasonable environment after 1 1/2 years but that was a very stressful period especially when DH traveled and I had to do drop off and pick up.

OP, if flexibility is key which is the case for many parents with young kids, salary is 125K, short commute, telework, etc., I personally would not take the risk of giving up your current situation.

OP here. Th biggest issue is the sheer amount of work and stress involved in trying to get it all done. I have the flexibility to leave work at 5pm on the days I do pick-up, take the kids to doctor's appts etc. I can work from home from time to time if I need to. But I have such a large volume of work to do and my co-workers tend to work late into the night.

I'm exhausted and stressed out. I'm typically online working until midnight, then needing to get up early to get the kids up an ready for school/daycare. Most of my co-workers do not have kids and are workaholics. I used to be one too but now actually want to spend some quality time with my family.

I just don't want to live this way. I get the job done and am pretty highly regarded at my company but it's totally not worth it. I'm looking for a more family friendly job again. I'd MUCH rather be bored at work.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, two years later. I took the job and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. If you have small kids and a family friendly flexible job, stay put! Don't make the same mistake I did.

Thanks for the update OP. Good reminder that the grass isn't always greener. I've been bored at work lately and started thinking about looking around for other opportunities, but it would be hard to pass up good hours/flexibility.

Do you mind sharing exactly what the problem is (was)? Long hours, co-workers resentful for your leaving early or perceived slacking off etc?

Wow. I am trying to make this decision myself right now, and am so glad I stumbled upon this thread. Tons of great advice. If you don't mind telling us a bit more, OP, what ended up being so bad? I'm in a $75K, unfulfilling job and I feel in a rut. There is little room for growth, and I feel like I'm not gaining any ground career-wise, maybe even moving backwards because I have been in the same position for five years and I've grown very little. I yearn for a fulfilling career, and am expecting to get an offer from a company with a similar salary, but the potential to double that in 5-7 years. I'm having a hard time gauging the flexibility in the firm - they have said working 1-2 days from home and working flexible hours (i.e. 7-5) is an option, but I'd need to get a specific plan in order before accepting an offer. I'm worried that, even though flexibility is an option, that it is not the culture of the company. I'm considering asking for a 7-hour/day schedule at 90% salary, but I'm worried that I'd likely end up working a full-time job at 90%. What went wrong for you, OP? Was the culture not conducive to work/life balance? Did you feel resented by others who were staying late? Did the longer hours and less flexibility prove too stressful when trying to manage daycare pick-ups, school, home life, etc? I find it all a little overwhelming now, and I work from home three days/week. Is there anything that might have made the experience better - a more understanding boss? Being more specific up front in your expectations and boundaries? I really hope you are in a better position soon. Thanks so much for sharing.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, two years later. I took the job and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. If you have small kids and a family friendly flexible job, stay put! Don't make the same mistake I did.

I'm sorry to hear that OP. I hope you find a much better job soon.

OP here, two years later. I took the job and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. If you have small kids and a family friendly flexible job, stay put! Don't make the same mistake I did.

OP, it sounded from your original post like you really want the job. Good luck with your talk with them (which I totally agree with doing) and I hope you find they are receptive and it works out!

OP here. Wow, thanks so much for the food for thought and helpful comments! I am going to talk to my potential new boss using some of the suggestions provided. As some of the PPs stated, at the end of the day it comes down to whether it's all about face time every day. I'm confident I can do the job with working some extra hours in the evening from home after the kids have gone to bed and am willing and able to work late in the office a couple of nights a week. Realistically, if that is going to be frowned upon at the company then I guess this is not going to be the job for me!!!

I was in your position once. When I had the offer, I asked bluntly, "When do most people leave?" I was told, around 6:30. I said point blank that was too late to enable me to see my then-infants, and I had to turn down the offer. That company was full of parents with school aged children and they valued driving their kids to school and coming in a bit later.

I'm still sorry I couldn't make it work, but honesty on both sides is the best policy.

Contrary to what a PP said, when layoffs come it is not always last in, first out--it's often least valuable out. So don't necessarily worry about that. Also, the folks working late may not come in early, either, so it may not mean they're working crazy-long hours. I wouldn't discuss much with my future co-workers, it isn't really their decision. You can find a way to make that work, I'd stick to talking to your future boss. Talk to your coworkers if you're trying to get a feel for the office culture, but you really won't be able to tell until you start working there. Once you are there, you can figure out a way to make most things work. Do a lot of the work from home, at night when the kids are in bed. Come in very early before your kids are up, and leave at a normal hour. Your work will speak for itself. Just make sure it is not an environment in which face time counts for a lot, that's the one thing you can't really (or don't want to) give them.

And to the PP that said there will also be another opportunity--not really. Sometimes you have to make a decision when it's presented to you.

i would consider doing it but as people suggested, talk to them first. sometimes more hours aren't bad - like if you can finish stuff at night after kids go to bed or stay one night really late but if you need to do facetime every night then not workable.